terreggfied

joined 1 week ago
 

This snapchat filter made me feel pretty and now I have my first makeup goals. That is all. ☺️

So I’m still going through the gender dysphoria bible but this part really spoke to me:

You are given a magical button that will permanently swap your gender, giving you an “opposite-gendered” body that is equivalent to your own in age, fitness, and attractiveness. If you press the button, everybody in your life will have always known you as a girl. They will accept you immediately. You will not lose your partner, your job, or your family. Do you press it?

Yes. I would absolutely press it. I do have a lot of fears and anxiety about transitioning, the adversity I’ll face, and what the end result looks like but if that button existed I’d push it. This whole article has been extremely enlightening.

🫂 Everybody’s struggle is unique but I am strong and have friends and family who would die for me so I will be safe.

I’m in a very similar boat where I’ve been struggling to understand the underlying source of my constant stress and temper. My wife had expressed that I was angry all the time for no reason and I’m coming to realize that I was angry at the fact that I lived in a world that is hostile to the very idea of my exploring my own identity beyond what was imprinted on me by society.

Just giving myself permission to say “I’m not a man” in front of people I trust and love has already caused me to let go of so much stress that my therapist noticed it the moment I walked in the door today.

She, by the way, is very supportive as well. She’s encouraging me to take things slow and really examine my feelings, especially since I also have a lot of trauma - CPTSD, childhood sexual assault, etc. - but was very clear that she supports me exploring and figuring out who I want to be for myself and not anyone else.

[–] terreggfied@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 6 days ago (2 children)

I appreciate all the info and the resources. My wife and I definitely have a lot of thinking to do for ourselves. We’ve made quite the life for ourselves in Oklahoma and it puts us in reasonable proximity to a lot of family and friends.

We will consider many options but my first instinct is to do what I can here. Trans people do and should exist everywhere and in spite of the adversity I know I’ll face I know I can also be an example and a role model right where I am, if I can manage to stand in the face of the tyranny I’ll be subjected to.

One thing I want to do for sure is find a community of other trans and trans-ally individuals here in OK that I can plug into and be a part of.

[–] terreggfied@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 points 1 week ago (4 children)

The problem for me is that when it comes to moving, cost of living and opportunities are a big issue. Thanks to cost of living here, I can support my disabled wife and my autistic daughter on my wages of $19/hour while working from home. It seems I would need to at least quadruple that if I wanted to move to a more progressive accepting area.

Thank you for the advice and kind words. It sure is reassuring to think I can take all of this at my own pace. I definitely intend to sit with it for a while. And I guess I’m gonna have to tackle this with my therapist — she’s probably going to make me go back to weekly sessions again 🤣

Reading your message brought an immense sense of relief to me and spoke to a deep anxiety so I greatly appreciate that. I suppose I will need to learn what this matrix thing is all about, I should’ve known I’d run into it eventually being a Lemmy user for any amount of time. I’ll be sure to read the other link you sent as well. Thank you so much for your time and thoughtful response.

[–] terreggfied@lemmy.blahaj.zone 41 points 1 week ago (2 children)

My wife is so supportive I can’t even begin to go into all of it. I’ve told her about it and she says she’s here when I want to talk.

Her ex husband is ftm and he is actually our next door neighbor and handyman who has helped us out many times. She was with him when people still knew him by his deadname and now at least for out of towners he passes. So my wife has some experience in the area and I am incredibly grateful that she is supportive of me.

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submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 6 days ago) by terreggfied@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
 

Edit: Just wanted to take a moment to say thank you to all of the kind and informative responses I am getting here, and for all of the constructive discussion I see going on in this thread. You all are amazing. 💜


I’m 34, came from a conservative home that was in a Christian nationalist cult. The idea of homosexuality was an ultimate taboo, I didn’t even learn what “transgender” was until well after puberty, well after I’d casually had the thought to myself that being a woman wouldn’t be so bad. Well after I’d been chastised for playing dress up with my mother’s clothes despite the fact my brother never did.

Even when I did learn of the T in LGBT, I had so many excuses as to why that didn’t apply to me. I’m just overly imaginative. I just get along with some more naturally than men. I just see women as people and feel strongly about their issues because I’m a progressive egalitarian man.

Even when those excuses failed me, I told myself I was genderfluid, or nonbinary. And in many ways those both definitely apply to me still. I do not experience dysphoria existing as a man all the time.

But today I cracked. I messed around in faceapp and touched up a photo of a time id shaven and had my wife put makeup on me and I cracked. I cried. I let myself feel that deep sense of longing I’d always instinctually suppressed.

And then I realized I was well and truly fucked. I live in Oklahoma. I have a child. And I live under some of the worst conditions to be beginning a journey that is being persecuted more than ever….

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