Damn, you got it worse than me, sheesh.
My dad just got a home copy and made us watch... maybe 3 times, over 2 years?
Ironically, or perhaps not, within a week of watching it the first time, I found a new box in a hall closet, surprise! It's a handgun.
I was also home alone at this time, knew how to use a phone, but my parents did not list their work numbers anywhere... So I just left it alone.
EDIT:
For any younger readers:
This is before smartphones, cellphones existed.
We had a phone, in the kitchen, mounted to the wall, that wasn't even cordless.
I hear you, but I wouldn't go that far.
You think Steam is a money printing machine?
MC and Visa are payment processors.
Literally every credit or debit transaction that involves them?
Oh yeah, they shave a penny or two or sometimes more off of that transaction, the business and actual banks involved usually eat it, not too long ago it would be much more common for retailers to pass some of it to the consumer as well.
Its the Office Space scam, but actually legit, at a muuuch grander scale.
Thats a fucking money printing machine, they unironically have at least 10,000x more money to throw at lawyers than Valve does.