sappho

For me it's cost, convenience (not having to remember to buy something regularly), less waste - but I also use hypochlorous for other household disinfecting so making large quantities is useful to me. If you're just doing skincare with it, I can see it making sense to buy it premade, especially at first when you don't know how much you'll like it. Though I will note that, while the information can be intimidating at first, once you make it a couple times it's extremely simple going forward. Now that I know the ratios of vinegar and salt I need for my own machine, I just dump things in and run it and it's good every time without having to make any adjustments.

It's the most effective single chemical I've used for acne and I've tried a lot of stuff!

I bought a water electrolyzer from Amazon. (You can also apparently make your own but I haven't tried.) Fill it with distilled water, add vinegar to adjust pH (important, otherwise you can accidentally make bleach), weigh out a couple grams of non-iodized salt, then run for like 15-30 minutes and bam. If you're using it on your face you should definitely get chlorine test strips to make sure it's not too high ppm.

It gradually loses efficacy and reverts to water after a week or two, so I make more regularly. I put it in a mister bottle and spray it on my face multiple times a day. It's refreshing and doesn't seem to cause any irritation, even when I use it a lot.

Whether or not sunscreen is needed indoors is kinda complicated. Here's a good blog post breaking down the science about it

As a teen my acne would clear up immediately for weeks after getting a bit sunburnt on my face. Very much regret not sunscreening sufficiently now because of the increased skin cancer risk I took on. But I was told this happened because the sunlight killed off the bacteria on my face. I figured out recently that homemade hypochlorous acid does the same thing and is completely safe, and indeed, it is extremely effective at controlling my adult acne. .

My personal method is based on my experience with IFS therapy/parts work, but truthfully I don't know if this will work for anyone but me. Still, I've had success with the following:

I envision the younger version of me that did the embarrassing thing. In my head, I see the current, adult version of myself talking to the younger one. I explain to my younger self that I don't find them shameful, that I understand why they acted the way they did, and that I forgive them for everything. I listen as the younger version brings up any additional concerns and offer any further reassurance/comfort/love that I wish to. It's important to take time with this and really sit with the uncomfortable feelings.

For me, this can resolve the acute shame feeling, and also prevent the memory from coming up again suddenly, or at least from hurting as much when it does.

Assertiveness isn't something that exists in a vacuum. "How do you know when you are being assertive enough" - is like asking, "How do you know if you're running fast enough" - well, what are you running from, and is it catching up to you yet? Your level of assertiveness is enough when it's sufficient to protect you from others and get what you want/need from them.

You say you tone down your assertiveness because you're concerned about hurting others. But by not asserting yourself, you are hurting yourself. You compromise on things you want/need and disrespect yourself. You are also a person and so if you hurt yourself in this way it's also a really bad thing! But you might be so sensitive to the potential pain of others that you have become numb to the sensation of your own present pain.

Or, to put it another way, you may have learned to devalue yourself relative to others to such an extent that their discomfort is "real" or "valid", but yours is "fake," "exaggerated," something you need to manage or get over. This is a message we get societally when we're neurodivergent.

I believe the holistic direction out of this place is to become alive to the pain you are currently accepting for yourself. You are sensitive to the needs of others. You are afraid of hurting them. But that hurt is already happening, to you, in your body. Can you stop it?

I would look for your most local Still COVIDing group on Facebook for in-person masked events.

I would be devastated in your position. I'm so sorry

This was me my whole life until I got the one disease where pushing yourself literally causes muscle necrosis

Same, I thought it was like saying IOF instead of IDF

I think I stopped looking to "fit in" when I realized my actual desire was to be genuinely loved by others, and to viscerally feel that was true. Being "in the group" was a poor substitute for this feeling. Many groups of people do not love each other very well, and these tend to be the groups that take a lot of energy to conform to.

If you're not marxist/anarchist, activist, vegan, and/or mask wearing, I can't honestly force myself to talk to you.

I feel pretty close to this but I'm still negotiating it for myself. I agree with what you said about "It's shorthand for giving a fuck," because that's how I see it as well. You have to give a fuck in order to love a person, and the dominant culture generates apathy towards others.

When I focus my efforts on covid-conscious people, I know at least that they believe in caring for themselves/others so strongly that they are willing to not only reject the dominant culture, but be materially harmed (harassed or assaulted in public, fired or not hired, verbally abused, shunned, denied services) because of it. This is a good start for being able to love in a friendship, even though it's not everything.