relation_anon4238

So my girlfriend "Lily" hasn't texted me in over a week. I can tell she is alright and receiving my messages, as it says she has read them, but she won't respond, even if I send something romantic like "I love you" or just say something like "let me know when you can hang out".

Lily is usually busy and will text me "Sorry can't talk right now" and that will be the end of our conversation. My friends, however, said that this is suspicious and means she doesn't WANT to talk because if she couldn't talk right NOW she would at least answer later instead of just reading it. ' I have no idea, it's been a week and I haven't heard from her.

I have suspected/possible BPD and I'm attached to my S/O. When his tone is slightly off or less enthusiastic, I either assume he's upset or upset at me, or even doesn't love me anymore. My way of thinking, when it is normally not like this, is emotional and black-and-white, so I can go from "I'm so happy, he loves me" (white) to "he hates me and doesn't love me anymore, I'm so angry at everything!" (black) to white again! I'm trying to learn that things can be both or that "he is frustrated, but he does love me still, it's more gray."

Yayyy!!! Our relationship is back to normal!!!

When I was 8 years old (I also have autism), I was different from the other girls. Not just because of my autism, but because I didn’t want to be like a girl. I was convinced that secretly, I had male parts. I could be like the strong, tough boys I saw. I didn’t want to be feminine and “put on makeup like a girl”.

I got my hair cut short and I was so happy. I looked like a boy. I would enjoy feminine stuff, like playing with dolls and wearing dresses, but I wanted to be like I thought my dad was: a tough, strong guy.

When I was 10 or 11, the feeling happened again. I wanted to be like my favorite make characters. A cool rockstar. I wanted to use he/him pronouns. My girlfriend at the time didn’t like that, but we broke up and we were both immature and toxic to each other at that age.

I didn’t mind wearing a binder, which I did when I was 12 with my dress. I forgot why.

I was trans as a teenager until I detransitioned one day because my girlfriend at the time was mean to me for it, along with this guy I was friends with.

At age 15-16, I started to use he/they pronouns, and started to identify as a bi, then straight nonbinary transmasc.

Starting when I was 17, I was more of a nonbinary fem type.

Now, I’m probably nonbinary but I’ve been identifying as a woman because it’s what most people see me as, but I’m questioning.

Am I feminine? Am I a woman? I showed signs of wanting to be a boy, am I transmasc? I know many trans people wanted to be the opposite gender as a kid.

I’m good. Today I woke up and I felt depressed, but I think I’m better now. All in all, I’d say I’m an 8/10. How are you all??

My fiancé David is friends with a guy Sean. Sean became very distant and mean to him. He never cared about what David had to say nor felt empathy for him at all. He would always be like “but what about me?? I’m miserable”.

He constantly blew up at David and David acted like he could fix Sean and didn’t want to leave because he promised to always be there for him.

David is really kind and sometimes it feels like it’s killing me since I would probably not stay. I love David so much and I worry for him, but I can’t control him not do I wanna.

He said he doesn’t wanna always talk to David and that he’s tired of him. How can I help?

Sean is also REALLY nice to me. Did the friendship already crash and burn or is there hope or what??

My fiancé David seems to have an “I can fix him” mindset with his friend Sean. David is always making excuses of Sean’s toxic behavior towards him and stuff.

Sean clearly does not like him. Sean is always ranting and blowing up at David. He never wants to talk to David or hang out with him. He makes David really sad but David wants to keep his promise to always be Sean’s friend and thinks he can fix Sean or something.

I appreciate that David is trying not to talk to Sean anymore. I’ve just been worried about him that his friendship with him is one-sided and not the best, but I can’t control him and I don’t want to at all.

I just don’t know what to do. Kind suggestions, please?

Sean left a rant saying: (shortened, paraphrased) HOW DARE YOU JOIN THE MILITARY WITHOUT MY PERMISSION

I’M IN SO MUCH PAIN. I HAVE NO FRIENDS AND NO ONE TO TALK TO AND YOU HAVE FRIENDS AND A FIANCÉE AND YOU DONT LIKE ME OR EVER PAY ATTENTION TO ME AT ALL

I’VE TRIED SO HARD JUST TO BE YOUR FRIEND BUT YOU DON’T APPRECIATE ME ENOUGH. YOU’RE SO UNGRATEFUL OMG YOU SUCK.

YOU ALWAYS SAY YOUR LIFE SUCKS, YOU NEVER THINK ABOUT MINE?? IM MISERABLE!!!

Fuck you for trying to control me.

For trying to tell me what I can and can’t do.

For telling me that I would never find love.

For telling me my disorders make me a weak, useless animal.

For calling me sub-human and treating me as such.

For thinking of me as less than I am.

For calling me a child and treating me like you’ve said I was: a “retard”.

For getting your (who were also my) “friends” to turn on me and threaten me and stalk me.

For making fun of people with disabilities.

For harassing my FRIENDS.

Fuck you.

I actually, truly hate you. I don’t just feel disappointed anymore. It’s some sort of hatred. I will never speak to you and your friend(s) again.

I don’t want to speak to you. I’m way better off than you. I have a fiancé, friends, and a loving family.

You tried to hurt me. You said it was my fault.

You said I made you hurt me, that I made your friend stalk me and make sexual harassment comments and even pretend to ask me out so you could make fun of me.

I realized you never actually loved me. You were a fake, abusive asshole. You suck. I hate you so damn much. But I’m moving on.

You’re right. I don’t deserve someone like you. I should have listened to you when you said you were a fake, toxic person who doesn’t like anyone but yourself. When you said I wasn’t who I thought you were.

You were right. And I eventually listened. I got past the bias and the loneliness. I’m no longer lonely. I found love and friends and don’t need you anymore. I don’t need your false love or friendship. I don’t need to be biased against you and think that was love to combat the loneliness I no longer have.

He loves me. You don’t.

They like me. You don’t.

They accept me. You don’t and didn’t.

And you can shove your fake apology, fake tears, and fake love up your butt, because the damage towards me and others is too great. I forgive you for peace of mind, but I will never speak to you or trust you again.

You hurt me, act like nothing happened, then pull me in again. It’s a “never-ending” cycle but people have limits. I have limits. I was your most loving friend and you threw me away for my disability.

You probably will never find someone more willing to put up with your crap, or it will be very hard. Not for someone who knows the real you. They don’t know you, that’s why they support you. Or they’re messed up themselves. I may be one of the only ones who knows you. The only one who knows you better is probably yourself.

You were right when we were friends and you were nice and you said “You know me, but you don’t know me.” I didn’t know the real you, but now I do. I trusted you and you threw me out. It’s my fault I introduced you to my friends and they threw me away. They sided with you in the end and I won’t trust them either.

Fuck you. Maybe them, too, brainwashed as they are. They think you’re the victim. They don’t know the real you, and I pity them, but they did damage too that they just can’t fix right away. Therefore I don’t trust them either.

Bye. I’m healing. I’m stronger now. I have love and a life and friends. I’m not as miserable as you are to hurt others. ✌️ ❤️

Even in high school, though we’re minors (unless you’re an 18+ senior), I found the phrasing odd. I say man as an adult. I said “guy” instead in high school. Maybe it’s because I’m neurodivergent and it sounded better to my autistic brain. I dunno.

My fiancé isn’t a boy, I would never say I liked a boy or was engaged to a boy. I usually say a guy or a man, especially once he finally hits age 18.

Edit: Worse in a story I read. 25M, gay, says he wants to “prey on boys”. I can assure you this was not their intention and they meant he wanted to look for men around his age, but you know how it sounds,