rayne

joined 1 year ago
[–] rayne@hexbear.net 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I appreciate that!

spoilerI hated wearing the boy shorts instead of a skirt so ended up just coming out to my kid. He was chill about it, had no questions. We played games for the rest of our visit and I felt like I could be myself more. Excited to wear something cute next week instead of ugly ass shorts lol

Wrote a couple of paragraphs on facebook about preferring feminine things and thus preferring a feminine name to my dead name after my cousin messaged me and was like, hey, I love you Rayne and this was confusing so maybe make it clearer lol Got some support from friends and supportive family. And I imagine my conservative friends and relatives will either get over it or not, not my problem really

[–] rayne@hexbear.net 16 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Started working on voice training day before yesterday. It's nice to have something to work on while I wait to see the clinic at the end of the month for HRT. Meeting a trans friend I recently made for coffee tomorrow. And going to a trans support group the night after. Hopefully that will help with things mentioned below.

dysphoria and coming out

I'm starting to experience pronoun/name euphoria and dysphoria. And I'm having trouble asking people to stop dead naming me. Changed my profile name on facebook to gauge the reaction. But honestly feeling sketch about FB generally and will probably delete the thing.

I also haven't come out to my kid yet. He's 14, and I only see him once a week supervised because of my poor mental health. His mom has him in a conservative school district, and he's already been teased for not having a dad because of me being in his life so little. I'm going to talk to my therapist today about it. And probably our supervisor (who's also a therapist) soon. Then likely have to email my ex-wife and explain the situation to her and see if she wants to try co parenting on this or if she wants to just leave me to it. I'll probably apologize to my ex too, for my end of all the things her and I put each other through. Tell her something like, I really wasn't myself when we were together.

[–] rayne@hexbear.net 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Thanks!

I feel unstoppable. We exist. And me hiding in a closet isn't helping the cause!

[–] rayne@hexbear.net 12 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (4 children)

Cracked the egg for good last month. Seeing a gender-affirming care Nurse Practitioner at the end of the this month. Starting on some voice training videos this morning. Cleaned out most of my boy clothes last week. Replaced most of my summer wardrobe with t-shirts that aren't boxes and skirts that I get tons of compliments on. Living in a city with a great trans/queer community. The queer joy and compliments have so far outweighed the microaggressions by a large margin. And I've discovered I feel much braver as myself than I ever did as a boy.

After 40+ years of depression and anxiety, I'm discovering the joy of radical self-expression. Still a lot of habits to work through, but, life is good :)

[–] rayne@hexbear.net 7 points 1 year ago

Instead of trying to stay asleep, try staying with the feeling tone of the original dream. If the dream is one of happiness and joy, lean into that feeling rather than the 'story line'. If it's of sadness and loss, same.

I kept a dream journal daily for over a year. Remembering the feeling tone was the best way to both fall back asleep, and recall the details of the dream to write everything down when I was ready to get up.

[–] rayne@hexbear.net 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I still have a penis and fantasize about having a strap on for my partner.