You answered it in your first sentence.
The US healthcare system. ๐
Hitting subscribe on egg_irl.
Sometimes I feel like this is basically my gender ๐
I relate hard to the men's restroom feelings. To the point I avoided going in public at all costs.
Over the weekend was actually the very first time I used the woman's restroom. I would of held it but damn does Spiro make me need to pee, lol.
I waited till no one was in there and it was both exhilarating and relieving (more ways than one, hehe!). Had the added bonus of wearing a face mask to better blend in. Looked up in the mirror while washing my hands and saw a woman. I saw me โค๏ธ
I also explained away my feelings with my disgust of toxic masculinity ๐
Thank you for that. And you are absolutely right! Questioning people looking for signs is not a good idea because it all comes from within. It is self discovery and not something other people can put on you.
Do you mind if I use your first paragraph as an actual preface in my post? I will of course give you credit.
As a witchy inspired trans woman, I couldn't agree more :D
It's legit magic.
Honestly, I find it so empowering that we are able to sculpt our bodies into what we need them to be. It amazes me.
My heart truly goes out to you. I lost my mom in 2017 to stomach cancer and it was gut wrenching. We have always had a up and down relationship but I was with her at the very end.
It was before I realized I was a woman and as I was trying to have my "goodbye" talk a few weeks before she passed, I explained how I was feeling over the years with our relationship and how I knew she tried her best and I forgive her. But even after saying all that, I had a sense there was more I needed her to know about me and unfortunately I never got to tell her.
I don't know how your relationship with your mother is, but if you have anything you need to get off your chest. I really suggest you do it. Even if it feels like the hardest thing in the world. But of course you need to keep your own mental health as your top priority. Even writing things down in a letter without her seeing is cathartic.
Please please PLEASE reach out to me through dm or something if you'd like someone to talk with who has been through a similar situation.
I give you the biggest hug I can while you go through this. Know you are not alone โค๏ธ
Nothing wrong with questioning. Everybody goes through it to some extent. Most people think for a short amount of time and realize they are happy with who they are and how they perceive themselves.
Others take longer to come to the same conclusion or even to realize something else about themselves.
Just wanted to mention that if you're feeling any guilt or shame for questioning (I did in the beginning) please know that it's perfectly normal and there are tons of people who are there to support you โค๏ธ
So try and enjoy your journey where ever you end up. It means you are growing and building a better understanding of yourself โค๏ธ
I had a similar trajectory of trying out different "labels"
I went from questioning, to non binary, to some sort of femme non binary, femboy, demi, trans woman.
Sometimes we need to inch closer and closer until we realize we finally know who we are.
Plus I find it generally gives us a little more empathy for all types of identities. Even if they weren't the "right fit" for us, doesn't mean we can't empathize and celebrate those folk who find themselves elsewhere on the spectrum :)
For me, chemical x was testosterone.
It gave me dysphoria instead of super powers ๐