In hindsight, that could look a bit like a corpse, so let me say that's Jackie Chan in Drunken Master 2 (1994) and his character there is alive. Just passed out after a night of heavy drinking, after which the baddies humiliated him by leaving him like this.
cross-posted from: https://piefed.social/post/1019689
Tagline
They will seduce you - just before they kill you!
Elevator pitch
'La Femme Nikita' meets 'Hong Kong's Next Top Model'
Summary
40 kidnapped girls are trained to become smoking hot international assassins. But there can be only one! *
Trailer
Movie
Details
Unless otherwise stated, all full movie links I post are for free, no account required, licensed (AFAIK, IANAL) streaming VOD in English (or original language with English subtitles) and work at time of writing in my location, Mexico. Availability and language options may be different in your location. Asterisk by the one I watched.
Legal stream finders
Info
Personnel
Director: Tony Ching Siu-tung (Chinese Ghost Story, The Swordsman, Dr. Wai in 'The Scripture with No Words'; action choreographer for Shaolin Soccer)
Writer & Producer: Wong Jing (Naked Killer, Future Cops)
Cast
Anya Wu
Daniel Wu
Opinion
Thinking about Category III movies (see here), I searched for Wong Jing-directed Naked Killer but could only find Wong Jing-scripted Naked Weapon. (Which I don't think was rated Cat III.)
Around the world, 40 sporty 13-year-old girls are kidnapped and taken to a tropical island to be trained as assassins... which is, like, totally not an excuse to have six years later lots of sweaty girl-on-girl action in skimpy thin cotton outfits.
With the exception of an unnecessary rape scene (if you want to skip it, it's ||right after they drink the wine Madame offers them||), this actually manages to be a decent action movie, far less schlocky than I was expecting... until the last 20 minutes, when the director decides to dial up the wire fu, bullet time and sappiness to 11.
The film tends to flag every time we get Daniel Wu's CIA agent, but Maggie Q does well in the lead.
A 7 out of 10, imho.
Screenshots
(Suffering a little compression going through various apps and Pixelfed)
Slinky model assassin knows snake style!
Caption should have read "Pew, pew!"
Emotional support soaping
A slice and a miss!
I think I remember this one from the Kama Sutra... the Congress of the Thigh Lock?
Don't show. Tell!
She'll seduce you... just before she kills you!
Is Dennis Chan (Kickboxer, Future Cops)... checking this woman out in her moment of grief???
Commence romance!
Final battle
Glad you're enjoying it :D
You're welcome :)
:) Glad you enjoyed it.
Yeah, I've never seen her in anything else and she doesn't even merit a Wikipedia page. Although she has more credits than I expected on IMDb. (Of course, the top feature of that page is the trailer for Laser Mission. :D )
cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ca/post/47326997
a.k.a Soldier of Fortune
Tagline
The Future of the world rests on just one man!
Elevator pitch
I... can't even imagine. The "James Bond Holiday Special"?
Summary
Freelance secret agent has to retrieve a kidnapped laser scientist before the bad guys use him and a stolen diamond to develop a superweapon.
Trailer
Personnel
- Director: Beau Davis
- Writers: Phillip Guteridge, David A. Frank
Cast
- Brandon Lee
- Ernest Borgnine
- Debi A. Monahan
Info
Opinion
This, and Legacy of Rage, were the only movies starring Brandon Lee I still hadn't seen. So when I saw it available on (legit) free streaming, I went for it.
I don't think it's unfair to say it's terrible: the story, the editing, and oh my god the accents! Whether it's so bad it's good, or so bad it's just bad is up to you. Personally, I found it entertaining enough, and Brandon Lee irrepressibly charming enough, to stick through it. (The trailer is Lee being all "grim serious hero", but for much of the film he's winkingly delivering one-liners on a par with Connery or Schwarzenegger.)
I refer to it as the James Bond Holiday Special, because, like the Star Wars Holiday Special, it's incoherent, at times inexplicable, and probably the result of people doing way too much coke.
If you want quality drama and a sensible plot, this ain't it. If you want to see a guy sidekick a baddie into a guillotine, this is your jam!
Here are two reviews, one on each side of the debate:
- So bad it's good: https://talkfilmsociety.com/columns/schlock-value-laser-mission-1989
- So bad it's bad: https://www.pastemagazine.com/movies/bad-movie-diaries/laser-mission-bad-movie-diaries
A Little Bit of Politics...
A whole different issue, though, is the political context of its production. About 10 minutes in, it dawned on me this might be another Red Scorpion.
If you don't know, Red Scorpion, featuring future Brandon Lee co-star Dolph Lundgren, is a 1989 action movie about a hero who fights against assorted Communist baddies in a fictional Portuguese-speaking country in southwestern Africa, that was shot primarily in South Africa and then-South-African-occupied Namibia. Laser Mission ticks all the same boxes.
And Red Scorpion, despite being a "US" movie, turned out to have been produced in part using money secretly funneled from a propaganda wing of South Africa's apartheid regime (thanks to Jack Abramoff of the MPA, later the central figure in multiple Washington corruption scandals).
The fictional southwestern African country was a thin veil for Angola, where South Africa (and, indirectly, the US) was involved in a war against the Communist government there (supported by Soviet, East German and Cuban advisers and troops), which in turn supported liberation movements in Namibia and South Africa.
Whereas Red Scorpion stays relentlessly on message about the need to defeat communism in Africa, meaning the need to support the apartheid regime, Laser Mission doesn't bang on much about the poltics of the situation, and the central casting Soviet baddie does have another agenda. But still...
Movie
All full movie links I post are for free, no account required, licensed (AFAIK, IANAL) streaming VOD in English (or original language with English subtitles) and work at time of writing in my location, Mexico. Availability and language options may be different in your location. Asterisk by the one I watched.
- Tubi - Laser Mission (1989) *
- FreeMovies+ - Laser Mission (1989) (in the web browser, unfortunately nav bars at top and side, also black bars top and bottom)
Legal stream finders
- https://nobraincellsleft.github.io/JustWatch-Search/title/tm156953
- https://www.justwatch.com/uk/movie/laser-mission
- https://reelgood.com/movie/laser-mission-1989
- https://en.kinorium.com/91420/
Screenshots
As you can see, I still need to improve my screenshooting skills without triggering Tubi's interface.
Tubi's interface disappears but FreeMovies+ in a web browser has all that stuff visible all the time. (On a Roku, FreeMovies+ doesn't do this, it gives you proper full screen.)
"¡Soy el capitán Brownface!"
#actionmovies, #legitfreemovies, #brandonlee, #ernestborgnine, #bmoviebonanza
a.k.a Soldier of Fortune
Tagline
The Future of the world rests on just one man!
Elevator pitch
I... can't even imagine. The "James Bond Holiday Special"?
Summary
Freelance secret agent has to retrieve a kidnapped laser scientist before the bad guys use him and a stolen diamond to develop a superweapon.
Trailer
Personnel
- Director: Beau Davis
- Writers: Phillip Guteridge, David A. Frank
Cast
- Brandon Lee
- Ernest Borgnine
- Debi A. Monahan
Info
Opinion
This, and Legacy of Rage, were the only movies starring Brandon Lee I still hadn't seen. So when I saw it available on (legit) free streaming, I went for it.
I don't think it's unfair to say it's terrible: the story, the editing, and oh my god the accents! Whether it's so bad it's good, or so bad it's just bad is up to you. Personally, I found it entertaining enough, and Brandon Lee irrepressibly charming enough, to stick through it. (The trailer is Lee being all "grim serious hero", but for much of the film he's winkingly delivering one-liners on a par with Connery or Schwarzenegger.)
I refer to it as the James Bond Holiday Special, because, like the Star Wars Holiday Special, it's incoherent, at times inexplicable, and probably the result of people doing way too much coke.
If you want quality drama and a sensible plot, this ain't it. If you want to see a guy sidekick a baddie into a guillotine, this is your jam!
Here are two reviews, one on each side of the debate:
- So bad it's good: https://talkfilmsociety.com/columns/schlock-value-laser-mission-1989
- So bad it's bad: https://www.pastemagazine.com/movies/bad-movie-diaries/laser-mission-bad-movie-diaries
A Little Bit of Politics...
A whole different issue, though, is the political context of its production. About 10 minutes in, it dawned on me this might be another Red Scorpion.
If you don't know, Red Scorpion, featuring future Brandon Lee co-star Dolph Lundgren, is a 1989 action movie about a hero who fights against assorted Communist baddies in a fictional Portuguese-speaking country in southwestern Africa, that was shot primarily in South Africa and then-South-African-occupied Namibia. Laser Mission ticks all the same boxes.
And Red Scorpion, despite being a "US" movie, turned out to have been produced in part using money secretly funneled from a propaganda wing of South Africa's apartheid regime (thanks to Jack Abramoff of the MPA, later the central figure in multiple Washington corruption scandals).
The fictional southwestern African country was a thin veil for Angola, where South Africa (and, indirectly, the US) was involved in a war against the Communist government there (supported by Soviet, East German and Cuban advisers and troops), which in turn supported liberation movements in Namibia and South Africa.
Whereas Red Scorpion stays relentlessly on message about the need to defeat communism in Africa, meaning the need to support the apartheid regime, Laser Mission doesn't bang on much about the poltics of the situation, and the central casting Soviet baddie does have another agenda. But still...
Movie
All full movie links I post are for free, no account required, licensed (AFAIK, IANAL) streaming VOD in English (or original language with English subtitles) and work at time of writing in my location, Mexico. Availability and language options may be different in your location. Asterisk by the one I watched.
- Tubi - Laser Mission (1989) *
- FreeMovies+ - Laser Mission (1989) (in the web browser, unfortunately nav bars at top and side, also black bars top and bottom)
Legal stream finders
- https://nobraincellsleft.github.io/JustWatch-Search/title/tm156953
- https://www.justwatch.com/uk/movie/laser-mission
- https://reelgood.com/movie/laser-mission-1989
- https://en.kinorium.com/91420/
Screenshots
As you can see, I still need to improve my screenshooting skills without triggering Tubi's interface.
Tubi's interface disappears but FreeMovies+ in a web browser has all that stuff visible all the time. (On a Roku, FreeMovies+ doesn't do this, it gives you proper full screen.)
"¡Soy el capitán Brownface!"
#actionmovies, #legitfreemovies, #brandonlee, #ernestborgnine, #bmoviebonanza
This came out the year after, I think.
There's an alternate poster, but still focused on climbing (which is like 0.001% of the movie).
Enjoy!
(Although I may have oversold the repartee...)
cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ca/post/47163316
Tagline 1
A $50 million heist
A ski resort held hostage
A cop with nothing to loseTagline 2
Jack take a vacation? Not on his life.
Elevator pitch
Die Hard at a ski resort (but without any skiing, that shit's expensive!)
Summary
Troubled loose cannon cop Jack Wild (yes, really) is persuaded by his brother and sister-in-law to take a break from it all and accompany them on a ski trip... only to find a mobster at the resort. And then a team of baddies take over the place to get the mobster's diamonds.
Trailer
Personnel
- Director: Michael Mazo
- Writers: Micheal Bafaro & Jonas Quastel
Cast
- Thomas Ian Griffith
- Nastassja Kinski
- Christopher Plummer
- Plus several actors you've seen in stuff shot in Vancouver (X Files, SG-1 etc) over the years
Info
Opinion
When I say this is Die Hard at a ski resort, boy, do I mean it!
Die Hard checklist
- Unmarried cop on vacation: check!
- Family member/s on site for higher stakes: check!
- Assorted Euro baddies taking over a buildingful of hostages: check!
- Led by a respected, international actor playing a well-dressed, well-spoken East German killer: check!
- Cop talks to himself sarcastically about how well his vacation is going: check!
- Cop disbelieved when reporting the hostage crisis to the authorities over the radio: check!
- Cop takes out baddies one by one: check!
- Cop and lead baddie exchange snappy repartee via stolen walkie-talkie: check!
- Baddie threatens to kill hostage unless hero gives himself up: check!
- Baddies already prepared for the inevitable response from the cavalry: check!
- Bye bye, cavalry: check!
- Baddie identifies the cop and cop's family member/s: check!
- Baddies have a plan to kill all the hostages and make it look like they're dead, too: check!
- Baddie reveals his motive is not what he made it seem: check!
Just about the only thing they didn't include was comic relief or a Christmas theme. And the snow was right there, fer crying out loud!
But given just how many Die Hard rip-offs there have been, and how bad most of them are, Crackerjack comes off as one of the better ones, especially given its low budget ($4 million Canadian, which is, what, a buck fiddy in real money? ;). Plummer's accent is not in Rickman's league, Kinski doesn't get to make us care much about her, and it lacks the little comic touches of its role model.
On the other hand, things move along at a fair pace (once the trouble starts), and when it comes to the hand-to-hand combat, it feels genuinely punishing, with Griffith pulling off some sweet moves. (I thought he was an actor!)
Spawned two more movies: in 2, Jack Wild is played by a different actor. And 3 has no other connection to the other two apart from the title. Always a sign of quality! :D
Movie
All movie links are for free (no account required), legal & licensed (AFAIK) streaming VOD in English (or original language with English subtitles) and work at time of writing in my location, Mexico. Availability and language options may be different in your location. Asterisk by the one I watched.
Screenshots
Tagline 1
A $50 million heist
A ski resort held hostage
A cop with nothing to lose
Tagline 2
Jack take a vacation? Not on his life.
Elevator pitch
Die Hard at a ski resort (but without any skiing, that shit's expensive!)
Summary
Troubled loose cannon cop Jack Wild (yes, really) is persuaded by his brother and sister-in-law to take a break from it all and accompany them on a ski trip... only to find a mobster at the resort. And then a team of baddies take over the place to get the mobster's diamonds.
Trailer
Personnel
- Director: Michael Mazo
- Writers: Micheal Bafaro & Jonas Quastel
Cast
- Thomas Ian Griffith
- Nastassja Kinski
- Christopher Plummer
- Plus several actors you've seen in stuff shot in Vancouver (X Files, SG-1 etc) over the years
Info
Opinion
When I say this is Die Hard at a ski resort, boy, do I mean it!
Die Hard checklist
- Unmarried cop on vacation: check!
- Family member/s on site for higher stakes: check!
- Assorted Euro baddies taking over a buildingful of hostages: check!
- Led by a respected, international actor playing a well-dressed, well-spoken East German killer: check!
- Cop talks to himself sarcastically about how well his vacation is going: check!
- Cop disbelieved when reporting the hostage crisis to the authorities over the radio: check!
- Cop takes out baddies one by one: check!
- Cop and lead baddie exchange snappy repartee via stolen walkie-talkie: check!
- Baddie threatens to kill hostage unless hero gives himself up: check!
- Baddies already prepared for the inevitable response from the cavalry: check!
- Bye bye, cavalry: check!
- Baddie identifies the cop and cop's family member/s: check!
- Baddies have a plan to kill all the hostages and make it look like they're dead, too: check!
- Baddie reveals his motive is not what he made it seem: check!
Just about the only thing they didn't include was comic relief or a Christmas theme. And the snow was right there, fer crying out loud!
But given just how many Die Hard rip-offs there have been, and how bad most of them are, Crackerjack comes off as one of the better ones, especially given its low budget ($4 million Canadian, which is, what, a buck fiddy in real money? ;). Plummer's accent is not in Rickman's league, Kinski doesn't get to make us care much about her, and it lacks the little comic touches of its role model.
On the other hand, things move along at a fair pace (once the trouble starts), and when it comes to the hand-to-hand combat, it feels genuinely punishing, with Griffith pulling off some sweet moves. (I thought he was an actor!)
Spawned two more movies: in 2, Jack Wild is played by a different actor. And 3 has no other connection to the other two apart from the title. Always a sign of quality! :D
Movie
All movie links are for free (no account required), legal & licensed (AFAIK) streaming VOD in English (or original language with English subtitles) and work at time of writing in my location, Mexico. Availability and language options may be different in your location. Asterisk by the one I watched.
Screenshots
1. Type of key?
The brand is Phillips but they make various types. The type here is (not sure of the correct jargon) without vertical ridges and notches. And both sides of the key are identical.
I've looked at some diagrams of key types and I'm not sure exactly. Is it a "dimple key"? Something else?
2. How to remove broken part from lock?
Location: Door between bedroom and garden.
Situation:
-
Someone bent the key a little, and it was stuck, couldn't get it out. On the inside of the door. At that point still able to lock and unlock from the inside only. Using other key from the outside does nothing, doesn't even turn.
-
I tried gently straightening it but it immediately snapped.
-
Now: can still open and close the door using the handle. Can still, with difficulty, lock and unlock the door (from inside only) by carefully pressing the head of the key against what is in the lock and turning.
A lot of info online for removing broken key blades from locks are for the "traditional" kind of key with vertical ridges and notches.
I have a screwdriver that fits all the screws and I can access all sides of the lock (inside, outside, edge), but I'm not sure if that's relevant. I've tried tweezers but it's too snug.
If I need more tools or equipment, I'll get them tomorrow.
For us Gen Xers, there were a hell of a lot of cheap scifi action flicks in the video rental heyday of the 90s. Including quite a few in the Venn diagram overlap of "future dystopia" + "cyborgs" + "kickboxing".
I always assumed it was Albert Pyun movies like Cyborg (JCVD) and Nemesis (Olivier Gruner). (Pyun was casting kickboxers as movie leads practically until he died in 2022.) However I see the Community wiki says (but without any citations) Robocop and Cyber Tracker (Don Wilson) (it is now in my watchlist). And then I found this other Don Wilson movie with the "future dystopia" + "cyborgs" + "kickboxing" overlap.
Unless the writers come out and tell us exactly which movies inspired Kickpuncher, we're left guessing.
PS I wonder if they have, maybe answering audience questions at a convention.
The artist of the Kickpuncher comic doesn't clear up the issue here:
Oh.
I mean, Arrr, matey. :)
Totally not bookmarked.
Cool, I hadn't noticed the comment.
a.k.a. Kickboxer 2025
(Whuuuuut? That's the year we're in!)
Tagline
A personal quest for vengenace
A high tech race for survival
Trailer
Info
Cast
Summary
In a future where Earth is a polluted, crime-ridden hellhole and the rich live on the moon passing their time with VR fantasies and organ upgrades (which is totally not going to happen, right? ... RIGHT?), the last of the Cyberons is hired by the widow of a VR fantasy designer murdered by organ thieves to hunt down his killers on the deadly streets of New Los Angeles.
Opinion
The moment I saw the title "Future Kick", I had to see it. Fans of the TV show Community will understand why.
https://community-sitcom.fandom.com/wiki/Kickpuncher
This Roger Corman-produced flick wisely gives the other actors most of the lines and lets Don kick. My first Don movie, and until I started browsing free streaming, I hadn't realized just how many, many, many Don Wilson movies were out there!
Overall, a competent straight-to-video actioner with a few gonzo deaths yet still fails to enthuse. Meg Foster at least brings some humanity to the screen, but Chris Penn, the year before Reservoir Dogs, in particular seems wasted. (In hindsight, I should clarify I mean "underutilized", not "intoxicated".)
Movie
- https://tubitv.com/es-mx/movies/466817/future-kick
- https://watch.plex.tv/movie/future-kick
- https://mubi.com/en/us/films/future-kick
- https://www.justwatch.com/mx/pelicula/kickboxer-2025 (as so often, currently says it's unavailable even though it is; I include it here in case it provides better results in future)
Screenshots
view more: next ›
That final fight with Ken Lo is simply astounding and why I just rewatched DM2. There's a video breaking it down as the best fight scene of all time (it took four months to shoot).
So I watched the whole film again last night. An absolute delight.