I don't have it set to private because when I tried that before it seems to break federation entirely. I do however have to approve anyone who wants to join. At this point I'd probably allow my close friends to join if they wanted, but that's about it.
Mostly because I am nearly 100% positive I will either lose my ZFS array, try to move the server to different hardware and bork psql, or what have you...
My homelab is mostly duck tape and bubblegum.
Hmm weird. The server is supposed to notify me of a pending join request.
I'll look at it tomorrow.