i_stole_ur_taco

Exceedingly kind of you to assume they can read a ballot.

Tim Hortons is owned by Restaurant Brands International, which is itself majority owned by American private equity.

What makes it not American owned?

I noticed a few weeks ago that a lot of people were pooping and taking so much goddamn time in the bathroom. Like, what’s going on?

Oh, they were sneaking in to write on my birthday card. It’s even a tradition and it was my birthday party but no, my stupid fucking brain decided the logical explanation was that everyone had diarrhea.

So I guess I’m the reason party guy has to worry.

Then Gandalf would falter and Frodo would help him. But then the influence of the ring would still affect Frodo and he would flag, too.

And now the climax is Sam carrying Frodo carrying Gandalf holding tongs. Test audiences hated it.

Yes, that’s right, I ordered the Mount Doom soufflé.

Drop a large bowl of candy on their shore with a sign that says “one candy per child” and then come back the next day and count how many were taken.

Mmmmm except Shaq is huge so he’s already basically 2 guys. So with his shares, instead of 0.5 guys it just cancels out to 1.

QED Shaq == Shaq, no?

There’s only one and he’s booked months in advance.

Once one of those damn bottles gets in your hand you start to see how many hinges and other metal, mechanical parts are in your home.

And it’s glorious.

Shit, now I’ve got the People’s Court music stuck in my head.

‘Not everyone who's walking along the paths wants to hear people yelling at them,' says Jim Hanson

Cool, Jim. How does that solve the problem where bike bells trigger random reactions in pedestrians who start running in random directions like chickens with their heads cut off?

More than half the time, my bell causes absolute chaos while people are running around to prepare for my arrival.

If a cyclist bell doesn’t mean the same thing to everyone it’s a fucking liability. I’m better off not ringing a bell or yelling and just passing at a crawl when there’s room.

There are some public education options here that could get everyone on the same page. Until then, I’m gonna keep yelling.