A bit over 5 years ago I was not in a good place myself. Struggling to be motivated for anything, only seeing trouble in the future, and often I just randomly started crying and was just out of it for a few hours. Things got pretty dark, and thus I sought and found help with a psychologist. I also discussed all of these things with my friends. Slowly my outlook started to change, and a few months later I started seeing some light again. I was barely on my feet again, feeling rebuilt and filled with a new spirit of hope.
At this moment a couple of other friends were also dealing with their demons, but most of them discussed these and we generally managed to help each other. One of them did not. Instead he chose to end it all. The situation hit us like a truck. While I cannot possibly compare our situations, nor do I know what exactly went through his mind, it always felt like a mirror. A parallel path that I could've chosen. The scars of this never went away, the damage it did to all of us will remain forever. I don't blame him for anything, nor do I think it was the "weak" option. But I'm just sad, because I feel like it shouldn't have happened. A culture where men (or people in general I guess) feel ashamed to share their struggles, where they feel like they have to lie to maintain their "pride", creates an environment where people corner themselves in lies and darkness until there is no way out.
What I personally learned from this whole ordeal is how much damage something like this does. Not only did we lose someone bright, it also permanently damaged many people who loved him. It might not feel like people around you care, but for pretty much everyone there are people in your life who do care. I've also seen how I personally can pull out of a very dark place and suddenly feel happiness with the most mundane things again. And seeing these 2 paths, I will always remember that no matter how shit the current situation is, as long as there's any hope that in the future things may be better, then that's a hope worth fighting for. In almost every situation there's a light at the end of the tunnel, you may not see it and it may be far away, but once you reach it you can have many years of happy life ahead of you.
I'm also autistic next to suspected AD(H)D and I sometimes have the annoying tendency to just talk over people when they take way too long to say something when I already know what they're going to say. It's not a great thing to do but sometimes people just talk so slowly. I wish people would just speak a bit faster so my mind doesn't constantly ping-pong everywhere in the second half of their sentences