g_blob

Not necessarily better, but got news. I was rejected for the fifth time from one of the two PhDs at my preferred university. So now, I just have to move on. There are 3 more opportunities.

In other news, I received an email from a pen pal. We speak in German so that I can keep practicing. Big part of studying a language is using it on your everyday, and in this case, I try reading something every once in a while, but reading her and writing back is very difficult. Not because I don't understand, but because I too easily make mistakes. I still enjoy it though.

My personal projects are also growing, not much, but steady and I feel more and more employable as time goes, although outside of my head that might not be true, I try to stay positive. Working in isolation tends to bring a lot of insecurities, but I can't take the blame completely. Somethings simply didn't work out, collaborators are slower or less clear with their goals, family puts unnecessary pressure and also are bound to their own habits. I have gained weight while staying at my parents because they don't seem to understand that a sedentary lifestyle is not good. They don't talk about money, they don't save and at the same time they don't communicate.

Until later.

Edit: the chess table is a subtle hint to say that I am olaying chess again, after almost a year of not doing it

I have been someone that doesnthings and stops before finishing forna long time, and I am sick of myself. I have been almost a year writing a scientific paper, that is not close to being completed. I feel like a loser. Currently waiting on PhD decisions, the last 4 out of 8 (the rest iwas rejected). I am not pessimistic, I believe I'll be accepted, and I am not an idiot. But the last year has brought me so many insecurities.

During the last year, I engaged in complementary activities to be more employable in case I have to get a job in case all applications are rejected. I have been learning C, github workflows, CMake, Rust and docker.

I can use them, though i am no expert in any. I am happy about this, because even though I am a math nerd, I dont like simulations that much, so I though useful to add embedded systems.

I feel fat, ugly and lazy. Though I know I am not. I hope to get news soon, so I can pursue a job, prepare for a pPhD and most importantly... Move out again!