dingus

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/33516635

Hi all. Hope this is allowed here. I've been toying with the idea of getting a cat for the past several months now. I've actually never really interacted with cats, though. I don't even know if I'm allergic to them. I visited my coworker a couple of times and one of her cats rubs up against my leg to either greet or mark me and then goes elsewhere.

Some info on me:

• Early 30s, lives alone, works ~40 hours a week in a NON wfh job (so I will not be home for significant portions of the week)
• I do not have much of a social life, so most of my time outside of work is spent at home
• I am very comfortable financially to own a pet. I frequently pay vet bills for my mom's dog who has ailing health.
• I own my own place, ~1200 sq ft (111 sq m), and do not plan to leave any time soon
• I do not plan to move, have a partner, or have children
• It is impossible for me to ever wfh with my career and I do not want to change my career
• I am familiar with taking care of dogs, and took care of my mom's dog on my own temporarily for 1 year without issue
• I am only interested in owning a single pet, not two (I know people frequently get 2 cats to keep each other company)
• I am interested in an adult cat, not a kitten
• I don't do lengthy traveling, however I frequently visit my mom (and vice versa) for a couple of days at a time

One big important thing to note is that my mother and I take turns visiting each other every couple of weeks. It involves us traveling a couple of hours by car and then one of us staying with the other (either my place or my mom's place) for 2 days. My mom has a dog who is quite old and has ailing health, so I'm not sure how much longer she will live. Her dog is a small dog ~15 lbs, but is not necessarily great with other animals. She is ok with other dogs if they do not antagonize her, but I don't know if she would fight with a cat or not as she has never met one. Her dog also has bad separation anxiety. I have enough rooms in my house that I could separate the cat and dog when my mom visits, but idk if that is a ok or not. It also means that I might leave a cat home alone for a couple of days when I visit my mom. I have read that people can do this with cats, but I don't know if it is a good idea. I would plan to purchase pet cams, auto feeders, etc.

I still haven't had the balls to go down to the local Human Society and ask them about cats and cat adoption, but I don't know. I am thinking about going there tomorrow. Is my situation too complicated for me to have a cat? I feel like mentally it would be nice to have a companion to come home to every day. One of the reasons why I've never bothered to look into getting a pet is because I live alone and don't work from home and because my mom and I visit each other. Although I have experience with dogs, it seems like a cat might be more doable for my life situation.

Would this be too poor of a life for a cat?

Thanks for your time, all.

Hi all. Hope this is allowed here. I've been toying with the idea of getting a cat for the past several months now. I've actually never really interacted with cats, though. I don't even know if I'm allergic to them. I visited my coworker a couple of times and one of her cats rubs up against my leg to either greet or mark me and then goes elsewhere.

Some info on me:

• Early 30s, lives alone, works ~40 hours a week in a NON wfh job (so I will not be home for significant portions of the week)
• I do not have much of a social life, so most of my time outside of work is spent at home
• I am very comfortable financially to own a pet. I frequently pay vet bills for my mom's dog who has ailing health.
• I own my own place, ~1200 sq ft (111 sq m), and do not plan to leave any time soon
• I do not plan to move, have a partner, or have children
• It is impossible for me to ever wfh with my career and I do not want to change my career
• I am familiar with taking care of dogs, and took care of my mom's dog on my own temporarily for 1 year without issue
• I am only interested in owning a single pet, not two (I know people frequently get 2 cats to keep each other company)
• I am interested in an adult cat, not a kitten
• I don't do lengthy traveling, however I frequently visit my mom (and vice versa) for a couple of days at a time

One big important thing to note is that my mother and I take turns visiting each other every couple of weeks. It involves us traveling a couple of hours by car and then one of us staying with the other (either my place or my mom's place) for 2 days. My mom has a dog who is quite old and has ailing health, so I'm not sure how much longer she will live. Her dog is a small dog ~15 lbs, but is not necessarily great with other animals. She is ok with other dogs if they do not antagonize her, but I don't know if she would fight with a cat or not as she has never met one. Her dog also has bad separation anxiety. I have enough rooms in my house that I could separate the cat and dog when my mom visits, but idk if that is a ok or not. It also means that I might leave a cat home alone for a couple of days when I visit my mom. I have read that people can do this with cats, but I don't know if it is a good idea. I would plan to purchase pet cams, auto feeders, etc.

I still haven't had the balls to go down to the local Human Society and ask them about cats and cat adoption, but I don't know. I am thinking about going there tomorrow. Is my situation too complicated for me to have a cat? I feel like mentally it would be nice to have a companion to come home to every day. One of the reasons why I've never bothered to look into getting a pet is because I live alone and don't work from home and because my mom and I visit each other. Although I have experience with dogs, it seems like a cat might be more doable for my life situation.

Would this be too poor of a life for a cat?

Thanks for your time, all.

First, don't tell me that the answer is just to "not bottle things up", because that's objectively incorrect too. Society doesn't want you to have any negative emotions. I need to know how to not express negative emotions at all whatsoever unless I'm alone. I know it can be done because it is done in many other people on the planet.

Edit: Ok so I think one of the things I want to try doing next is ask for a med change from my psych provider.

Edit: Please know that I am reading and appreciating every one of your responses. Even if I do not reply to you, I appreciate your time and want the best for you all. Thank you, guys.

I've always been the "crazy one" in any given scenario. I have been this way my whole life. Even as a child I was crazy. I would get upset and cry loudly for hours but my siblings would not. I caused problems at home for my family, especially for my mom who didn't know what to do with me. I did this as an older child, not normal toddler tantrum age. I was old enough to "know better". I did it my whole childhood.

For the most part in life, I have been able to be a productive member of society. The issues I would cause were limited to my home life and I mostly kept to myself. I sometimes cause issues by being a crazy person to my online friends, but at least that never spilled over into the "real world".

But now in my 30s I am causing such issues at work. I asked for some psych meds to be prescribed to me in March and have been taking them ever since. Doesn't seem to do anything.

I seem to get more frequent and strong negative emotions than the general population. I have difficulty controlling these, especially when I feel like someone is being mean or unfair to me or others. I think I am genetically predisposed to be this way, as my dad was a crazy person when I was growing up (but he has always been nice to me...he was only abusive to my mom). He had "episodes" too the same way I do, except his were malicious to others in nature. My older brother also has claimed to have bipolar disorder which supposedly has a genetic component.

I have spoken to mental health professionals and have been assessed for various things. I do not have bipolar disorder, autism, or OCD per mental health professionals. I tried to bring up keywords like "emotional dysregulation" to them. There seems to be no good explanation for why I am insane. I have wondered if maybe I have borderline personality disorder but have not inquired to be assessed for that one. I do not seem to exhibit the "risk taking" behaviors that are core to borderline personality disorder though.

I get frustrated that I am always the only one who is crazy and no one else is like me.

But I know there are other crazy people out there. Please, tell me your stories. How do you deal with life? How do you deal with always being different than others and feeling negative things more strongly? How do you handle things? How do you handle being and feeling alone in the way that you are? How do you handle the emotional frustration?

If this is inappropriate for here, I apologize. I just want to hear how others have managed to handle life despite this isolating "disability". I want to hear your stories. I want to gain wisdom from all of you. Thank you.

Hi all. I know this isn't a support community, but Lemmy is only so big so I hope it's ok if I post about this here.

I have a a Dell Inspiron 7375 laptop. The processor is a Ryzen 7 2300U. It only has integrated graphics. It was purchased new in 2018. Right out of the gate brand spanking new, it would frequently BSOD at seemingly random times, even when the laptop was not under any noticeable stress...just browsing the web watching YouTube videos or even editing Google Docs.

Most of the BSODs would state "video TDR failure", but others happened as well (don't remember them all, sorry. Dell Support was never able to figure solve my problem...especially difficult to the intermittent nature

However, I found that I could help alleviate 90% of the issue by limiting the maximum processor state in control panel to 80%".

Fast forward to today and I upgraded my setup and no longer need this laptop. I installed Linux Mint on it and find that the system will randomly freeze up until I power cycle it just like when I first got it for Windows. Ubuntu yields the same issue. I have not tried many other distros.

Again, I found out that the problem was resolved by downloading a software tool to manually limit the clock speed of the processor. However, I do NOT like the idea of relying on a random third party software tool that may eventually break.

There is no way for me to underclock the CPU in the BIOS.

The internals are not dusty and have been cleaned with compressed air.

I would like to give my laptop away to a relative and would like to keep Linux Mint on it for them.

Is there a better solution to my issue without relying on software that may stop working in the future? What would be the cause of the laptop freezing unless the CPU is limited, even as a brand new system?

Thanks all.

Apologies for any issues...I can delete upon request. Lemmy doesn't necessarily have a ton of communities with a lot of users so I chose this one.

I had a lot of "tantrums" as a child significantly older than that of toddler age. They weren't because I didn't "get my way" or something. They were often due to frustration...especially if I felt wronged by one of my siblings and they did not get in trouble for "wronging" me. I would scream and cry for prolonged periods of time.

The internet tells me that this isn't exactly normal and generally indicates "neurodivergence" like ADHD or autism. I do not exhibit any signs of these. I seem to be "neurotypical", no matter how thoroughly I research ADHD and autism. So what gives?

My siblings did not throw "tantrums" like this. I would get in trouble as a child now and then for doing this. Yet getting in trouble didn't make the "tantrums" stop.

Now, as an adult, I realize that the name for this seems to be "emotional dysregulation". While I don't throw "tantrums" per se anymore, my stronger emotional reactions to unfairness at work has gotten me in trouble at work numerous times. This is a bit dangerous for my job stability.

So what causes this? Why am I different? Why do others not struggle with this? What causes my feelings to be out of proportion and invalid?

I have tried bringing up the phrase "emotional dysregulation" with therapists, but they seem to gloss over it in favor of trying to look at more "standard" things like anxiety and depression.

About a little over year ago after not being particularly active for a number of years, I challenged myself to pick up running. I went from not even being able to run 5 minutes to now regularly being able to run 8 miles...with my longest ever run being 11 miles.

Somehow, I managed to be relatively consistent for a full year in doing this. I don't run every day, but I generally try to run 3 times per week.

Honestly, I picked up running because I was going through a challenging time. Literally everyone and their mother...every mental health professional...every internet rando...says that exercise improves mental health.

Well it hasn't for me. All running does is make me tired. I don't get a "runner's high". It doesn't clear my head of negative thoughts. I don't get any of that shit.

If I am in a bad mood before the run, the run enhances the low mood. If I am a neutral mood before the run, my mood stays neutral. If I am in an unusually good mood before the run (uncommon), the run enhances my good mood. Running itself (and all forms of exercise really) is actually somewhat unpleasant to me.

Occasionally I've read people on the internet saying that you don't get mood improvements until you've run farther. Well I've progressively run farther and farther and I've been doing this for longer than a whole ass year and not seen any discernible difference.

So what the hell am I doing wrong? I don't understand.

Hi all. I know I'm pretty dumb for not knowing this, but see the above question.

I've tried various different types of therapists on and off for the past several years and never really found one that worked. They either didn't listen to what I was saying, didn't provide anything of substance (just acted like someone to listen to without any ideas of what I should do), or I could not adequately explain my frustrations with them. I keep getting advice like "well you just have to try 10000 more therapists until you find one who isn't shit and will click with you". Well that's been ludicrously expensive and mentally draining so I don't know that I want to continue on that path. The costs of therapy are absolutely insane in the US.

But as these were all therapists and not physicians, the conversation of medications never came up (beyond initial intake when they asked if I was taking any meds). I understand that a therapist can't prescribe me medication so it makes sense that they wouldn't bring it up.

But then who do I talk to to see if medication might benefit me? When I Google it, most answers I see are "talk to your primary care physician", but I do not have one. I also do not really feel comfortable with a general practitioner permanently documenting in my medical file that I have mental health issues. That can be a huge downside to have permanently in your medical chart like that.

Should I try to seek out therapy practices with specifically a psychiatrist and inquire there? Is that the best way to go about this?

Thanks all.

My entire life, I have always been told that I am "overemotional", "overreacting", etc. to any given situation. Whenever anything bad is happening to me or someone else, I am not supposed to respond or react because it makes me "overdramatic". I don't understand how people just stand by and let assholes be assholes either to themselves or to others. I am never ok with that and I get frustrated at injustices. But it has gotten me into trouble my entire life.

Why is it that my feelings are less valid than others? Why am I supposed to let people walk all over me? Why don't I matter?

Sometimes I tend to feel some type of way during this sort of holiday. So I thought I would give everyone a shout-out. This community doesn't seem particularly active. Not sure if there are bigger ace communities on Lemmy that I'm not aware of.

But I hope you all have a great Friday and weekend. :)

This is sort of an odd prompt but I'll elaborate.

I've always been a lone wolf. Primarily it has been due to intense social anxiety. I also fall somewhere on the asexual spectrum. So I've mostly gone though life by myself. Friendships and relationships have just never been a thing for me. I'm also in my 30s, so it's not as if I'm going to change the way I am.

Several years back, I started working my current job. Most people I worked with were either ok or were assholes. But there was one who was always kind to me. She always jokes around with me and was cheerful and happy when everyone else was a grumpy asshole. We work only a few feet from each other for hours almost every single day.

Through the years, I noticed myself getting happy when she would arrive at work or when our schedules would overlap more. I am happy every day to see her and enjoy spending time with her. I absolutely never get tired of seeing her and look forward to it every single day. She has even called me a friend on numerous occasions which I have almost never had anyone do before. We spend our days simultaneously working and also trying to out goober one another. She started referring to me as her friend at one point and it made me really happy whenever she would say it.

She is married and has children and has her own busy life outside of work. I often feel bad whenever I end up texting her outside of work because I know I am taking her away from where she wants to be. She's not one of those parents that spends their off hours getting away from the household...she is the opposite...wanting to spend every waking moment not at work with her kids.

It's selfish and wrong of me, but sometimes I get jealous when she interacts with her other work friend. Or it sometimes makes me sad to know that I most likely don't mean as much to her as she does to me. I would do honestly absolutely anything for her. I even let her family stay with me for a few days when they were temporarily without power or water.

When I see my other coworkers, I honestly could take them or leave them. But my whole day gets brightened when I see my one coworker that I am close to. I never get tired of seeing her.

I've almost never ever had this happen before. The only ever time this happened was with another sweet, funny, coworker who eventually moved away. I liked both of them very much and it pained me so much when the other left. I was depressed for months.

Since I'm an asexual, I never really see people and want to make out or have sex with them. But is that what is happening with my brain? Is my description normal friend behavior or is it wrong for me to feel this level of happiness and connection around my coworker? Is it normal to like a friend this much or is there something wrong with me? Am I supposed to try to find other people instead to have this sort of feeling with instead of my coworker? Is it wrong to want to hang out outside of work? Where is the line supposed to be drawn between what is socially acceptable and what isn't?

Thanks. I'm stupid ig.