deathbird

By self-report you've been around the block so you can do as you please for all I care, but I legit feel bad for the young OP who's so nervous and scared of being in a relationship at 22. I feel bad for him, because I remember being anxious in my own ways, and it didn't serve me well. When I eventually got over myself, I made mistakes, and I learned, but I regret the time spent in my own head.

One thing I never did was something I saw some friends do, which was the whole "online relationship" thing. It was usually limited by distance, and sometimes they'd meet IRL, and if I asked or observed my friend would seem happy, but from the bleachers it was also clear that it wasn't built to last, in large part because it was principally non-present.

Not saying people can't meet online, become friends online, sustain a relationship long distance (temporarily), or even develop some level of emotional intimacy online, but it's mediated by its nature, and the physical experience is always intrinsically more complete. I'm sure there are people whose most fulfilling relationships have been remote and that's lovely, but also I think it would suck if OP finally got the guts to go for only a half-measure and see it limp along, diverting his time and emotional energy into something that calls itself a relationship but can only really be the prelude to one at best. He'd be better off getting out of his house, finding any third space, and just hanging out. Should help him with the anxiety at least.

Nothing more fun than paying for a game piece meal and without end.

Yeah, they are incomplete. If you can't tell the difference that's a dullness in your own perception of presence.

I think it's good that Reddit is trying to continue to allow adult content within the legal framework in which it must operate.

I guess what I'm not clear on it is what the legal framework is for verification services. Absent rules that require robust privacy protections market forces will push a race to the bottom in terms of cost and data security will be the first to take a hit.

I know this might seem weird but I think this is one of those cases where a blockchain based smart contract might be the best solution. I'm not exactly sure, as any system that allows one to consume content generally also allows one to copy it, but having a system defined in code in a publicly auditable manner that cannot be changed without notice seems to me to have the capacity to grant the most reassurance.

I mean I assume that all the verification company is doing now is verifying a person's age and then giving a kind of authorization token that's cryptographically secure that basically says "the owner of this cryptographic key is of age".

If you think you're experiencing a person's full humanity, that's an error on your part.

Keeping the age verifier seperate from the content host is good. Destroying the files used for verification is good. On paper it's not too a bad system for age verification, but it really hinges on if you can trust them. Given the track record of basically almost every company and government ever...

People can be more forthcoming or plain spoken in mediated communication, but definitely not more real.

I can't say you're wrong about your own relationship experiences, but in any mediated communication the medium itself is always there, bounding, shaping, and limiting your experience of the other. To a degree inevitably exceeding that of embodied experience, you are living those experiences in just your own head, whether it's text evoking the idea of a voice or a flat image stimulating the memory or imagination of the heat of a body, the taste of saliva, or the smell of sweat which is not present. It is a skill issue in a sense, but the skill is storytelling, assembling the idea of a presence which isn't quite there. And that's fine, humans are storytellers. But we're animals too.

No, they're not as real. They're mediated correspondence. You might be able to achieve a certain degree of intellectual connection through in-depth conversation to the point where you can develop a friendship, or maintain a romantic relationship for a while, but the actual relationship you have through a mediated system is not real in the way one is in the flesh. To be human and to connect with others requires, at some point, the experience not just of the mind, but of the body as well. Text is the most impoverished, but video is flat and even sound mediated through speakers is lacking. We are still animals, not brains in jars, and if you think you are creating intimacy through online communication that's as real as real life, you are too much in your own head to understand the vividness of real life.

MulticMC isn't abandoned, though it doesn't look like they're doing lots of significant updates these days.

He's such a thoughtful artist, and I really love how he explains his process.

Depends on your definition of "asshole" here tbh. As, in are you a bad person? No. Are you a fool? Yes. You totally choked. Also what is an "online friend?" Someone you only know online? If so, well, that's not someone you can actually date, so....good job getting asked out!

Being a "good boyfriend" is a matter of practice: of being fun, emotionally supportive, helpful, a good lover, a good listener, patience, all the stuff that makes for a good friend (plus sex). None of that comes without practice and grace.

Also work on your anxiety. Whether that means seeing a doctor or just...practicing being social, you need to move past that to have healthy intimate relationships.

I for one am celebrating the Trump administration's commitment to ending US military hegemony.