That's wonderful!
Even if you're closeted and unable to transition, have you considered taking DHT blockers like finasteride to stop the hair loss?
Hang in there, I hope your conditions change so you are able to transition soon π
I'm so sorry π«
That's such a tough story - especially that the surgeon made it worse. Was the vaginismus like involuntary contractions that created too much resistance for the dilator?
And I assume the surgeon might have had some solution for you if covid hadn't happened?
This is just heart-breaking Ada. But I'm impressed by your healthy and adaptive mindset about it.
Has there been any thought about seeing the surgeon again or looking into rehabilitation, or is it easier to have moved on?
Lemmy can't resist a good bean joke, can they?
ah, I could easily see that happening to me; every day the largest dilator is just so uncomfortable and it takes so much time and pain for it to stretch everything out, and doing that every day multiple times a day could be quite a burden.
I completely understand getting exhausted with that task and not prioritizing it - that's fair. This was a concern I had for myself, I even considered a shallow-depth / vulvaplasty for this reason (and I mean, there are so many reasons to do it - fewer risks, faster recovery, etc.). I've had struggles with executive dysfunction, so I was really concerned.
I'll just have to see how it goes - but I've also been told that maintaining width is really up to the individual. There's no imperative to maintain a given width, and I've heard of people slowly stretching and getting width back after they paused dilation for a long time.
I'm not sure how you feel about giving up on dilation, but it seems like it might be less of a big deal than some people make it out to be, at least.
Either way, thank you for sharing your experiences - I'm so lucky to be able to learn from you. β€οΈ
I'm so sorry to hear that Ada :-(
Do you remember when the scarring became evident, and what that timeline was like? I've heard tightening and scarring can happen after, and to expect to lose depth as a result - just not sure when to expect that. I've been using the smallest diameter dilator (Purple, 1 1/8 inch or ~2.8 cm) for the first 5 minutes to open up the canal and maintain the max depth I can (so far that's up to the 5th dot).
It's hard for me to tell with my own situation - there is certainly a significant tightness down there, especially with the Orange dilator (it's my first full week with that size). It can take me maybe 10 - 20 minutes sometimes to get the orange dilator as far as it will go (which is usually with the 4th dot as far as the inner labia, and the 5th dot as far as the outer labia and the 3rd dot no longer visible).
Stretching a piercing doesn't sound entirely outside what I experience - tense and uncomfortable describe some of my experience, I just don't think it's half as painful as, for example, anal sex has been for me. I was surprised by that I guess, maybe I built up dilation to be not just a day-long exhausting chore, but an intensely painful one as well.
I'm so glad you were able to get the surgery, you have mentioned it was a long term desire. Honestly it feels like a complete fantasy that this is even possible. This surgery has been one of the most difficult challenges in my life, yet I agree that it's life-changing and entirely worth all the suffering and effort.
- if possible, skip the bra and use pasties or something minimal to hide the nipple
- wear natural fibers like linen (not cotton or synthetics like polyester)
- agreed with others re sunscreen, wear and re-apply, and wear hats and cover up with UV protective clothing if you know you'll be in the sun
- wear less clothing π
- bring a change of clothes
- move from air-conditioned place to air-conditioned place and don't dwell in the humid hell between
I get that, but I tend to think the burden of proof in a criminal case is much higher than the burden of proof to believe a victim outside of a courtroom.
In this case I don't think there is any reason to doubt the victims, and the pressure and evidence points to victims tending to not come forward, the fact that there are multiple accusations from multiple victims indicates to me a much higher probability that Gaiman is guilty of some sexual crimes than not. Luckily my opinion or assessment of Gaiman's behavior doesn't have consequences like jail time, so my beliefs do not demand the same scrutiny as a judge's or a jury's.
Not that it's wrong to think about the evidence, but culturally I think we tend to discount survivors and victims more than we validate them, and that can make questions about evidence really difficult, even harmful. Still, we obviously can't ignore the problem of evidence, but luckily that's primarily a concern for the courts (not that being cancelled doesn't have consequences, and "cancel culture" can be reactive, essentializing, and unfair - that's probably something we should collectively think about more).
here are the things I've read:
overview: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neil_Gaiman#Sexual_assault_and_misconduct_allegations
some reporting: https://www.vulture.com/article/neil-gaiman-allegations-controversy-amanda-palmer-sandman-madoc.html
note: content warning, NSFL
aw, thank you! I'm a big fan of dandelions and other flowers.
Alan Moore agrees:
βI havenβt seen a superhero movie since the first Tim Burton βBatmanβ film. They have blighted cinema, and also blighted culture to a degree,β Moore said. βSeveral years ago I said I thought it was a really worrying sign, that hundreds of thousands of adults were queuing up to see characters that were created 50 years ago to entertain 12-year-old boys. That seemed to speak to some kind of longing to escape from the complexities of the modern world, and go back to a nostalgic, remembered childhood. That seemed dangerous, it was infantilizing the population.β
they might try to rationalize their discrimination, and they might attempt to make it logical for application in law and other contexts - it's important to show the irrationality, not because I expect the bigotry and discrimination to be rational, but because so many others might think it is rationally defensible and not see the contradictions. Not that hypocrisy dunking is always effective, but it's at least worth pointing out.
this is so true, I had always thought of transition as impossible, but now I regret waiting so long - what I would give to have transitioned 5 or 10 years earlier ...