Well said, social reality is just as real as any other kind of reality - the language we use is part of how we reify our concepts and regulate others within them.
Such a great point, being trans is made into an exotic fetish, but it's rather mundane really. This is a lot like how women are treated under patriarchy, to be honest. They are made into mysterious, sexual creatures rather than just people like anyone else. They are extended into the "Other" and alienated from common humanity.
I'm so sorry 🫂
That's OK, I lived most of my life not transitioning because of internalized TERF-like thinking (like that I would be appropriating women's suffering by transitioning to become a woman, that wearing makeup or women's clothes would be akin to betrayal to women by perpetuating sexist norms about femininity, or that I would never want to infringe on women's spaces, and so on).
It's only been six weeks since my surgery, so I have not yet fully recovered.
I actually had complications, some wound separation where some of the skin graft didn't take near the base of the vagina, so part of the skin sloughed off. Despite that, I highly recommend it so far.
When I first looked at the vagina after the surgery, in the hospital bed, I fully expected to feel regret - instead I was flooded with relief. I had no idea how much I had been holding onto shame about my genitals, and I just broke down crying from the relief. There have been a lot of positive moments since then, and so far I haven't even remotely felt regret even in the worst moments when I temporarily was told I couldn't dilate while in the hospital and I thought I might lose my canal.
Let me know if you have any questions or if you are curious about anything.
Ha, that's definitely a win! Voice training made a big difference for me, one time they asked to speak to my husband 💀 I've enjoyed so many awkward phone calls like that, it would be more euphoric if it didn't create so much stress, lol
That's too much gatekeeping for sure, but at least it seems like those are hoops you can jump through - wishing you luck with the urology visit!
Have you talked to any other trans women have been through this process, who have written the three pages for a psychiatrist, etc.? It might be helpful for anticipating curve-balls they might throw at you, esp. in case they operate under outdated care procedures like the Benjamin Rules.
aw, that's awesome 🥰
that's so neat! I'm not sure I knew you were in Portland, that's such a great city!
That makes sense! In a way that's a kind of euphoria story of its own, that you no longer have to think about dysphoria anymore - that's the end goal for most of us, I would guess.
and zero-depth / vulvoplasties are even safer, cheaper, etc. - and you can get a full depth later if that really becomes necessary (though I personally recommend just getting full-depth vaginoplasty upfront if you think penetration is important to you, my point is just that a zero-depth doesn't rule out a full-depth later).
It accelerated for me when I started estrogen, but E improved my life so significantly I obviously would choose that every time.
For me it was more about feeling my penis was out of place, but having a vagina felt too theoretical and I didn't allow myself a direct desire (maybe that was repression).
ebooks are more convenient, paper is more nostalgic