confusedpuppy

Baby bush turkeys are so fuzzy and cute. I miss living among the bush turkeys and bearded dragons when I was in Byron Bay.

I once saw someone in the irc channel jokingly refer to Alpine as Alpine linux pine. Now when I goto the website, all my mind reads is Alpine Linux Pine Linux...

My aunt died just over a week ago and processing all the family weirdness has been a trip.

Getting super uncomfortable with the religious views on... Well everything. Even when it came to doing good deeds, it somehow ended up sounding like righteous bragging. All centered around themselves and not about the person who recently died. This big display of how good and helpful they are seems to really take away from the genuinely good deeds they are doing.

Or maybe I'm doing something wrong. Some of the more memorable good deeds I've done usually come with a bit heartbreak. Realizing how fortunate I am does not make me want to brag. Those memories stick for a long time too.

I'm thinking of going to a lot less family functions in the future.

Also, I'm finally at the point with my website where I can go promote it locally, the library said they'd be happy to put my poster up on the community board.

I got a bit delayed because I found out the hard way my backups weren't complete. Fortunely I found this out on my computer and not my server. I also had an external backup so nothing important was lost, except some time. Also reworked all my backup scripts and thoroughly tested them. I feel a lot more confident about them now.

I tend to view the types of people who strongly identify and present themselves as straight to be people that are living in a state of near absolute hypocrisy. Their actions are often the opposite of what they say. This really spreads out and changes the people and culture around them.

When looking at modern masculinity, how often do these contradictions appear? So many men feel they must present themselves as strong and emotionless yet are quick to express explosive anger. It's as if anger does not exist as an emotion to them. But anger is an emotion.

Then while feeling hurt and angry, they will point to anyone else who feels their own hurt and anger and accuse those other people of being something less than a man. All while feeling the same types of emotions.

Dominance and submission is also an interesting part of the masculinity confusion. Men are often told or shown examples of men who are strong and independent. So they want to be strong and independent. And they say they are strong and independent.

Then they are told to be loyal and that they must respect their elders, especially the men. Now that strength and independence must submit to their elders. Everything they are told to be gets cancelled out by how they think they must act. They can scream in your face that they are men, they are strong and they are independent, yet cower at presence of a man who they see as someone with authority and power.

This view that I have of people who strongly see themselves as straight gets very weird and very uncomfortable when you start applying it to sex, sexuality and kinks. Think "virile, black stallion" or cuckoldry for example.

I've reached a point where I personally no longer view those who identify themselves as gay to be gay. They are simply people doing people things. Because they are simply people, nothing more, nothing less. Those who use the word gay as an attack are often everything they are afraid to being. Which is sad because there's nothing wrong with loving another person.

Living in such a constant state of hypocrisy is confusing. For everyone. To be a man, you are very much at a war with everyone including yourself. To be on the outside of masculinity, you are forced into a war with people who are at war with everyone including themselves. It's exhausting because this war is fueled by everyone else's time, energy and patience.

I spent 10 months trying to get fired from my last job in the trades. After dealing with lawyers and finishing with that part of my life, I cancelled my apprenticeship.

I've spent most of my life in manual labour or trade jobs and I can't stomach going back into these fields. The men I have to deal with in those fields are awful and they act so gross.

I could go forever about their shit behaviour. The lockdowns from 2020 amplified that shitty behaviour. It was unbearable. The shit they would say about women and the shit they would say to women were gross and fucked up.

These guys basically used their shitty attitude towards women as a way to gain attention from other men. It's weird and really, really gay in a gross, repressed and unattractive way.

Over the past few years I've come across some survival ebooks. The first bundle was from some random google drive link on reddit and the second bundle I got came from a humble bundle.

You can download them here: https://drive.proton.me/urls/QWA614FTX0#TXeqSBVzjzk5

Not as convenient as a physical book but it's something :)

Canada here, they usually stop by Toronto when they North American tours, so I make my way there :)

I got to see them twice since 2020. Worth it both times. Even made a good friend because of one of their concerts :)

D:

I got fixed a couple months ago. Best decision ever.

For nearly 40 years, I've been told the horrors of climate change. For nearly 40 years, I've watched climate change unravel. And now at nearly 40 years on this planet, I've reached a point where I am more concerned about immediate human activity affecting my life rather than the breakdown and collapse of our planet's environment.

At no point in my life has there ever been a desire to bring a new life into this horrifying existence.

Now if only those weird and miserable old men would stop calling me selfish for not having children. Their obsession with my genitals makes me uncomfortable.

I hate stuff. I hate receiving because too much stuff gives me anxiety. That anxiety over stuff makes giving just as difficult.

I prefer spending my time with people. Either by being there for them or helping them. While I generally don't like receiving help unless I specifically ask, I'll allow those with good intentions to help. I can put aside any feelings of annoyances because I know they will feel good being able to help do something for someone else.

My closest relationships have been built on simply being available for each other. Gifts have never had the same outcome from my experiences.