captainjaneway

I'm an average AMAB person: 32yrs old, 180lbs, 5'9" and I carry a lot of my weight in my belly. It gives me a lot of dysphoria and I stress over my belly fat a lot. I definitely don't have a super healthy relationship with my weight.

Last year, I didn't drink for the majority of the year. I took about 10 months off from alcohol, but I didn't lose any weight. I was also going to the gym ~3 times a week. I believe in CICO and so I believe I must have been eating more as well. But my body fat distribution didn't change at all. I moved away from my gym and so I couldn't keep going and then I lost motivation.

For context, when I was younger I weight-lifted a lot. I wasn't the biggest person in the gym, but my PR for bench was 305lb, deadlift 455lbs, and squat 365lb and I weighed 198lbs. I learned a lot of positive and negative associations with weight and diet. Weight lifting was all about eating as much protein as possible. Now I want to lose weight, but I've built this body to be big. I wish I never went to the gym. I used to hover around 155lbs and my body's "set point" never fluctuated until I started focusing heavily on working out and eating as much as I could handle. Now I can't seem to lose the weight. And it's basically just fat. Not much functional muscle left.

Fast forward to today and I'm starting HRT soon. But I'm super worried that my body fat distribution isn't going to change since I've read that fat cells can have "memory". I'm basically excited to start my journey in every way except I feel so dysphoric about my body shape. I hate this "beer belly".

What should I do about this? Can anyone help me with this? I fear the simple answer is that I just need to focus more heavily on diet and exercise, but I'm so demotivated by my experience last year. With no gym nearby (< 35 minutes away) and - frankly - a superb desire to eat, I can't believe in my ability to achieve my goals.

I just wish I could start over and be skinny - then gain weight on my HRT to hopefully gain hips and boobs. What's the advice you'd give me? Sorry if this post is toxic. I realize I don't have a healthy mindset about this. I'm trying to accept myself, but I also want to be able to wear woman's clothing and feel like a woman.

I'm going the DIY route and I made my first HRT purchase online via diyhrt.info approved sources (mostly because my insurance sucks). I was just checking on my package to see where it was in transit and it hit me that - assuming I don't have my stuff seized at the border - the privacy around postal services is absolutely crucial for people. It's kind of assumed your packages are largely not inspected too heavily and that generally the contents are only assessed for safety and security. Without strong package privacy laws, I'm sure DIY HRT would never be an option for me and many others.

I'm super anxious to receive my first shipment.

I've purchased my estrogen HRT via DIY means thanks to the support of communities like this on Lemmy and on the chat.blahaj.zone Matrix server. diyhrt.info was a great starter guide and I feel confident in what I need to do. At this point, it's just waiting for EEn to show up at a PO Box and purchasing the accessory equipment (needles, sharp boxes, etc.).

I'm 32 years old and I'm tired of living in a body that doesn't reflect who I am so I'm going to try and make a change. Once my wife and I worked it out (as much as any couple in this situation can work it out), I had a hard time actually committing. I sat on this decision for a bit. It's not easy to commit to potentially irreversible bodily changes, but I'm confident that I want them. I'd be lying if the concept didn't scare me a little though. I want to be pretty. I just want to be myself. I wish there was a telescope I could look through that would show me my future.

If I didn't have conservative family, friends, community, and work, I'd be over the moon right now. But there is a part of me that's afraid of the fallout I'll be fielding for the (*checks political climate*) rest of my life.

All that being said, there's a much larger part of me that's excited! I'm looking forward to being myself - regardless of what others think. All of you are absolute icons for being the first ones to take those steps and to support people like me. If I didn't find communities like this (and lurk on them) for years, I never would have made it to the other side. I appreciate your advice, comments, support, and honesty as I've flooded this community with my posts.

My insurance sucks. I've just been denied coverage for:

• Therapy (I appealed that)
• Dental work (out of network even though they "take my insurance")
• Planned Parenthood gender affirming care meeting

Furthermore, my doctor's appointment with Doctor's on Demand was cancelled with no explanation (I was going to go with a primary care physician to ask some questions about HRT).

United Healthcare sucks and I need help. I've heard of DIY HRT but it sounds sketchy to me. I'm willing to get there, but I'd like to exhaust all possibilities before I go down that path. I picked Planned Parenthood because they seem like a safe space. My current primary care physician is sort of conservative coded. He made some comments at our last appointment that made me feel like HRT would be hard to acquire under his care or - in the very least - awkward.

I've looked at Plume and FolxHealth, which say they take my insurance, but I'm dubious. I feel like it'll be a bait and switch. They'll take my insurance, but I won't actually be covered and I'll end up paying an arm and a leg for boobs.

Anyone else have United Healthcare and have navigated HRT. I pay a decent amount for medical coverage under a PPO (PPOs tend to have larger networks). I would have thought HRT was easy to acquire since it's - essentially - a cheap medicine. But I'm running into road blocks early on that are making it difficult to figure out what to do. Should I just go through a primary care physician? Just make another appointment with Doctors on Demand? Can I just jump to FolxHealth or Plume? Is requesting Gender Affirming Care via Planned Parenthood the wrong way to go about this?

I hate insurance.

My therapist recommended that I speak with a specialist about HRT, the impacts it might/might not have, and discuss a plan. I tried Planned Parenthood, but it's not covered by my insurance. My insurance provider (UHC) seems to only provide me with references to surgeons for MTF surgeries, which I'm not interested in. I just want to speak with someone who can have a discussion about how HRT might work and how - in particular - it might impact my fertility. I want to know what options are available to me to increase the likelihood of maintaining my fertility.

Are there online services available to help me ask these questions and get answer specific to my goals? Does it make sense to try and sign up for Plume (which is covered by my insurance) for this kind of thing?

I'm currently waiting in line with a truck full of 12"x12"x10' wood beams (yes, they are huge and heavy) that I have to unload at a free dump site that pops up once a quarter. I have an hour to kill. I'm a little bored so I'm on the internet.

I'd love to hear something positive from any Trans Later members.

I don't have a lot of time to play game these days. I usually play games like Cities Skylines where it's easy to pause and exit. I basically have 1-4 hours to game a week - depending on the week. But ever since coming out trans, I've wondered if there was a game that casually was affirming. I realize I could play an RPG where you can design your character, but most of those games have you spend 2 hours designing and then you never really look at the character again. Baldur's Gate was a lot of fun, but it's a little too deep to play casually on the side. I strongly prefer a non-NSFW game. I realize a lot of NSFW games exist on Steam that do explore trans concepts (I assume), but I'm looking for a more positive, gentle, affirmation.

But I don't want to knock down too many ideas! What do you play?

Edit: I realize I made it sound like I've excluded all RPGs which I don't want to be the case since - inherently - anything affirming will have some RPG element to it. I just don't think first-person RPGs really work since I spend most of my time looking at my hands and I don't get to see my character.

My wife and I have life plans that make HRT unrealistic in the near future. We're mostly concerned with fertility and my wife is still coming to terms with my identity. She understands it - she's just grappling with the possible future changes.

In the meantime, I'm starting to do what I can to transition without HRT. Shaving. Exercise and dieting. Growing my hair out. Facial routines and hair routines. Etc.

I found FaceApp (like many other trans folks) and I've become a little obsessive. I take at least one photo a day and I've experimented with using the generated photos in private accounts for a euphoria hit. But I'm feeling like it's making me constantly obsess with transitioning. I'm perusing trans timelines, MTF fashion, etc. on my phone a lot more than usual. Before using the app, I didn't really have "goals". I just wanted to get as close to feminine as possible. Now, I see this other face and I want to be her. I feel trapped in this body.

Anyways, I guess I'm just venting here. It hurts to feel this way.