canadianchik

I deleted my TikTok already without him asking and he said TikTok isn’t the problem. He’s upset that they sent sexual stuff back. I wasn’t expecting it. I don’t care for the money, I never knew how it would hurt him and I couldn’t care less for money, even if I had 2 cents in my account. I care about him a lot. He thinks I will unintentionally hurt him again.

But ur not reading the part where I texted old men for money? I am so mad at myself. I ruined him and us. I genuinely can’t stop crying. I’m trying to win him back. He doesn’t care about body count anymore. I never once asked that question to anyone in my life either because I don’t judge people on their past. He’s just not happy that I lied about them sending sexual stuff but I never wanted that. I told him about the most recent one but I never said the first guy sent stuff cuz I didn’t find it purposeful. I’m broken from it.

I told him my body count was 5 initially when it’s really like 18 or something. It’s so hard to remember because I did it all to fill this dumb ass void I had inside of me. Fuck if I know, maybe it’s a bit more. I genuinely don’t know. All I know is that I don’t have any STDs because I always got tested. I hate when that question came up because it opens a dark path from my life. He’s scared he won’t be able to trust me again.

No he never hurt me. He doesn’t care about my body count he said he just finds it upset that I didn’t see myself worth more than what he see’s. I was the asshole for texting people for money. I never wanted to see their fucking dicks I just wanted money and I did stupid things for money. I don’t know how to win him back. I texted him more but he hasn’t responded yet. It’s honestly eating me up alive. I have a very traumatic past with past people and my dad so that’s where my lack of love and self esteem comes from. He understands that. I just wish I can rewind the clock. I have been open to him with everything, I just didn’t tell him about that one first guy sending me stuff because I didn’t think he would care or how he would feel as I only did it for money. I see everything clearly now and I don’t know what to do.