i know exactly what you mean about romance evading definition lol. i don't understand how allos survive when navigating the world based on vibes and "you'll know it when you feel it / meet the right person", it seems way to uncertain for me. i just looked through a lot of the ace/aro resources i know and couldn't find a good definition on romance, just that aros experience a lack of it...
unfortunately, i don't have a better answer for you except that maybe defining romance doesn't matter all that much? i think getting to know where you fit in the queer label soup can be comforting, but if you're struggling with finding the words that much it might benefit you more to just say fuck it and try to find others who want to live like you do using the words you already know.
having said that i'm currently struggling with meeting other similarly minded folk and am just banking on my current friends maintaining the our current relationship for all time, so don't take my words as gospel. i wish you well in your endeavors.
angelic 2 the core is one of the only albums i've ever listened to that is so bad i enjoyed listening through the whole thing. i feel like most people understand that feeling with movies, but this one album is the only time i've felt it with music.