Woe to me, my mother, that you ever bore a son.
What a great loss and no gain!
I was created closed-eyed and hardhearted.
Uncircumcised of heart and flesh was I born.
At three days, they cut my umbilical cord,
and at eight days my foreskin.
However, my ears, heart, and mind [remained uncircumcised and]
were not ready to join Hashem’s covenant.
They didn’t take off their disgrace
Or remove it from their being.
Their foreskin indeed remains as a blemish.
For a lie they guarded hitherward, and for nothing they labored.
That from the day they were brought into the world[1] that is all darkness,
they were not circumcised.
Cursed be the one who announced to my father:
“It’s a boy![3]
He will be intelligent and superior to a prophet.
The holy work will be his as with Yishmael ben Pavia[4]
Upon the mountains of spice he will run like the gazelle and like the deer[5]
He will not be defiled from the start by the filth-idols of his people
He will erect the hall of science on its mound.
The candle will shine from his head[6]
and those who walk in darkness will follow his radiant halo.”
This messenger shall be held guilty of bloodshed; cursed be he.
How could he twist the course of the stars so much?
How could he have erred so in his astrology?
A lying tongue, a fool’s mouth it had given him
For he foolishly transformed justice to poison[7]
He altered the law and transposed the lines[8]
Woe to him who has male sons
Upon them a heavy yoke has been placed of restrictions and constraints.
Some in private, some in public
some to avoid the mere appearance of violation
and some entering the most secret of places.
Severe statutes and awesome commandments
six hundred and thirteen
who is the man who is capable
of fulfilling them all to the letter?
How will he escape
be he diligent or lazy?
How will he not stumble?
And even if he observed all these,
he is not yet done with his list of duties.
For the (wicked) impulse is resourceful and scheming[9]
If one cannot engross in Torah-study and analyze sharply
Interpretations of Torah and practice
Sifra, Sifri, Tosefta, and the entire Tal
Seven are the pillars of wisdom.[10]
They soar far above any mountain or hill.
Here is Logic;
[here are] the valley of Philosophy and the vale of vision,
and the secrets of Arithmetic and Geometry
They will not believe it can be told;
and the wisdom of Measurements…
they will not obtain it; the people’s pleasures in Field and Plane[11]
by which the seeker can measure
the heights of heaven and the depth of abyss.
Those dwelling in an observatory cannot (measure)
the extent[12] of the Celestial Map
and if the wheel rotates yet the constellations remain fixed
if they are weary wanderers.
[Those are] the seven steps of the ladder.
And who will praise the prowess [needed for]
the study of the divine and the pure forms,
which are ten, namely the Ten Sefirot [of the kabbalah] –
who can express such fortitude?
How badly was he stricken by the finger
how much shame must he put up with,
he who was minted in the coin die of men!
His field is blighted[13]
Better who carries him than creates him!
Oh, but had the artisan who made me created me instead – a worthy woman.
Today I would be wise and insightful.
We would weave, my friends and I
and in the moonlight spin our yarn
and tell our stories to one another
from dusk till midnight
we’d tell of the events of our day, silly things
matters of no consequence.
But also I would grow very wise from the spinning
and I would say, “How lucky am I” to know how to make linen,
how to comb [wool], and weave lace;
[to design] cup-like buds, open flowers, cherubim, palm trees,
and all sorts of other fine things,
colorful embroideries and furrow-like stitches.”
And oft-times,
in the way of women,
I would lie down on the kitchen floor,
by the hearth, among the pots between furnace and stove,
chopping wood, stirring the coals,
and taste the different dishes.
On holidays
I would put on my best jewelry.
I would beat on the drum and my clapping hands would ring.
And when I was ready and the time was right
an excellent youth (husband) would be my fortune.
He would love me, place me on a pedestal
dress me in jewels of gold
earrings, bracelets, necklaces.
And on the appointed day,
in the season of joy when brides are wed, for seven days would the boy
increase my delight and gladness.
Were I hungry, he would feed me well-kneaded bread.
Were I thirsty, he would quench me with light and dark wine
He would not chastise nor harshly treat me,
and my [sexual] pleasure he would not diminish
every Shabbat, and each new moon
his head would rest upon my breast.
The three husbandly duties he would fulfill
rations, raiment, and regular intimacy.
And parallel to [his] three wifely duties would I also fulfill three,
three things not beyond me and not beyond my reach:
[watching for menstrual] blood, [Shabbat candle] flame, and [taking dough for] ḥallah,[14]
Sweeter than honey are these three, so powerful,[15]
and one is not allowed to add to their number,
or to inquire about them:
“Whereby do women earn merit?”
Father in heaven
who did miracles for our ancestors with fire and water
You transformed the fire of Ur Kasdim so it would not burn [Avraham]
You transformed Dinah in the womb of her mother [Leah, to a girl]
You transformed the staff [of Moshe] to a snake before a million eyes
You transformed (Moshe’s) hand to (leprous) white
and the Sea of Reeds to dry land.
and the sea floor into solid and dried-up earth
You transformed the rock into water,
hard flint to a fountain.[16]
Who would then transform me from a man to woman?
Were I only to have merited this being so graced by goodness
I could have now been the lady of the house,
exempt from military service!
What shall I say?
why cry or be bitter?
If my father in heaven has decreed upon me
and has maimed me with an immutable deformity
then I do not wish to remove it.
the sorrow of the impossible is a human pain that nothing will cure
and for which no comfort can be found.
So, I will bear and suffer until I die and wither in the ground.
Since I have learned from our tradition
that we bless both, the good and the bitter
I will bless in a voice hushed and weak:
blessed are you YHVH who has not made me a woman.
thank you but also goddamn im so sorry