apprehentice

joined 2 years ago

When I say obsessed, I mean obsessed. I spent way too much time thinking about their lives and their history especially when compared to how much thought I put into myself. It played into my daydreams and fantasies.

[–] apprehentice@lemmy.enchanted.social 9 points 1 year ago (2 children)
  • wearing a jacket even in 80°F weather
  • being disappointed when my accidental assignment to the girls' locker room was "corrected"
  • disordered eating to get rid of belly fat
  • fantasizing about being a woman
  • obsessing over female D&D characters

I could probably hunt down a few more signs, but they weren't obvious at the time, even if I felt guilty about them

[–] apprehentice@lemmy.enchanted.social 44 points 1 year ago (1 children)

They should have a rocks glass with a query on it

SELECT * FROM liquor_cabinet WHERE proof >= 120

The need for external validation is a burden, indeed, but you're already on the right track. You got this!

[–] apprehentice@lemmy.enchanted.social 14 points 1 year ago (5 children)

I feel that. It's not perfect, but I started writing down all of my ideas as bullet points just to relieve some of the urgency. I know that I'm likely to forget about them and completely ignore the list, but it really does help, regardless. I use an app called Logseq and I have it bound to a gesture on my phone so I can open it quickly. I hope it works for you.

I'm in the US where it's not mandatory. It's up to the consumer to do the math, just like sales tax.

[–] apprehentice@lemmy.enchanted.social 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Well, I meant within brands. Drug packages are the worst. I've seen two boxes of the same drug side by side and the smaller box had more tablets. That is to say, containers can be deceptive. Look at the volume and weight of the product.

[–] apprehentice@lemmy.enchanted.social 49 points 1 year ago (5 children)

Always purchase by volume/weight, not container

What you've said in your second paragraph resonates so much with me and has helped reaffirm that I'm on the right path. Thank you.

[–] apprehentice@lemmy.enchanted.social 7 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

I suppose this question is basically, "what are my goals?" I consider myself fairly feminine in mind, but I lament how unfeminine I am in body. In mind, I am emotional and empathic. I deeply care about other people and their feelings and I feel a lot, but I find myself unable to express it without inebriants.

What's feminine to me is the ability to be emotionally available, freely expressive, caring, and nurturing. I don't want to be tough and stoic. I don't want to be strong and unwavering. I want to be flowing and expressive. I don't want to uphold masculine expectations because emotionally, I feel trapped inside my own head. The main issue is that I don't yet hold the keys to the cell. I wear a mask whether I want to or not and I live inside my own head.

As for expression, I want to be small, graceful, and delicate. I want my body to flow in movement and shape just as I want my emotions and mannerisms to flow from within me. I want my wardrobe to be complex and for my outfits to match my internal state. My current wardrobe is so boring: it's just the same cuts of shirts and pants and I'll only ever find more of the same off the rack at the department store. It should be vibrant and varied. Without going into detail, there are a few pain points on my body that need to be addressed. I guess it's a roundabout way to say that I want the outside to match the inside.

I also want to be allowed to feel vulnerable and for that to be acceptable. I'm not good at being a man because... I'm not. And I shouldn't be expected to be if I don't want to. Nobody would expect me to be a carpenter just because I own a hammer, so why should this be different? I hope that answers your question. My neurospicy brain likes to tangent and ramble a bit.

I can appreciate this. It's important to do what we can for the betterment of our cousins, but there's only so much energy a person can spare. You're right. I'm checking out of this post and I'll aim to avoid posts like this in the future if I'm not in the headspace to be proactive.

[–] apprehentice@lemmy.enchanted.social 6 points 1 year ago (2 children)

You don't have to flame me for my opinions. This is exactly what I'm talking about: I'm getting flamed for trying to be apolitical about this. I don't think it's too much to ask for political posts to stay in their lane and out of my favorite queer memes community. I should be allowed to feel this way without persecution and we should be able to have a civil conversation about this. Calling my views a shit take isn't productive.

Yeah, it's a pinned post. That didn't go amiss. Cool story, bro, but I don't want to see people arguing about shit here. If this is a shitpost community, stop arguing and get back to shitposting.

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