allthetimesivedied

Goal is $2,000—either for a motel room for a couple weeks when it inevitably blizzards this winter, or for a used minivan or something.

CashApp/Venmo: allthetimesivedied

I am also looking for some help setting up a GoFundMe—because I don’t have an ID, and also:

1. It will probably draw more interest if someone who isn’t me is managing it, because, well, you know…
2. I suck at writing things like the description for a GFM page and would like someone else to do it.

Thanks.

I can tolerate winters out here, except for 1 or 2 weeks in December or January when it gets intolerably cold, like 10°F or lower, every year almost like clockwork for the last couple years. The last two I got to ride out indoors, in a motel room paid for by a friend. I don’t think I’ll be so lucky this year, and I am really fucking scared.

That’s option #1, and it will cost me somewhere between $900 and $1,200, assuming I’m booking a room for 2 weeks at the Motel 6 all the homeless people go to around here.

Option #2 is buying a van and winterizing it. I can get a decent one for $2,000 or less—I almost bought a really nice Jeep Grand Cherokee for $1,700 a couple months ago and I’m kicking myself still for not buying it. Living in a van or something has been my dream even before I became homeless. I fucked up what feels like the one chance I will ever have and I feel like I deserve a second chance.

Funds from this particular fundraising effort will go into my CashApp Savings and not be fucked with—if I have another need, I’ll make another post.

I’m setting the goal at $2,000. Here goes nothing.

CashApp and Venmo: allthetimesivedied

DM me for my friend’s PayPal.

Please write “Motel/Van” or something that will indicate to me that it’s for this fundraising effort, so I don’t spend it on a bong or chocolate milk or something.

Also share if you can.

I fuck myself over by sharing things I don’t need to, and being too honest regarding those things. Sucks that it took this for me to finally learn my lesson. I’ve really fucked myself over this way.

Couple months ago I was sent $4K by someone who just wanted me to be happy. I had literally never in my entire life had money to spend like that. It was a once in a lifetime kind of thing—I know that all too well now.

I almost bought a really fucking nice Jeep Grand Cherokee, with tags good for a whole year, already passed DEQ. Then I listened to a friend who said I should buy a car made by a Japanese company (Honda, Toyota, etc.). So the opportunity passed and never repeated itself. It was only $1,700.

I didn’t spend it all on drugs. I spent maybe a quarter of it just helping my friends out—I sent $400 to an old friend who’s homeless in Austin, TX; I ordered a fuck ton of DoorDash for my friends and I.

I also wasted a lot of it. I’d go buy something stupid, break it or lose it and buy another one. I was careless.

I loved being, for a brief moment in time, like my friends who have seemingly endless money either from rich parents or ripping off Uncle Sam.

It’s my dream to be some sort of content creator—I’ve always had a thing for writing that’s never been executed beyond just like, a private hobby. Like an old friend of mine who draws and makes art and doesn’t really show anyone. Making videos or whatever, too. That’d be cool. Then I can live off Patreon (even if it isn’t much, I’d still be happy—the things I hate about being homeless aren’t the being homeless part, per se).

I believe I deserve a second chance and I know that if I were given one, I would be way more responsible.

But that’s never going to happen. Everyone knows what a fuck up I am now and as winter approaches, I’m legit scared.

I’m sorry.

I’m not trying to fuel my drug abuse and party and shit (tbh right now I don’t even need money for that bahaha). Meth is fucking lame and I hate it anyways.

I just want my knees to stop hurting like fuck whenever I stand up and sit down. I want this brain fog I get from not eating to clear. I want a cozy sleeping bag, clean clothes and facial cleanser. I want to fill in these sunken cheeks and smooth this dry nasty skin. I want to be able to just chill and read or sew or something instead of trying to find breakfast at 4PM. I just want to have a life again.

So for about a month now I’ve been getting paid to watch a friend’s van while he’s crashing at this kind-of-a-squat down the street. I’m not making this up.

He pays me $20 every couple days (we’re both homeless, and I also get paid in other cool things + I get to crash in a tent next to the van, so it’s whatever). Today he paid me $10, with the promise that more would come later.

And so of course, I lost the $10.

I was planning on buying a few groceries—the squat might be getting evicted today so I’m raiding the kitchen, yoinked some instant coffee, need to buy some sort of creamer because I can only drink coffee with a fuck ton of cream and sugar.

I also owe a very sweet, amazing friend $10-20 for an insanely awesome speaker he found dumpster diving. We agreed on $10 but I think it’s worth more like $20. He’s an awesome person and deserves it.

Oh yeah and I need more butane for the awesome stove you guys helped me buy.

CashApp/Venmo: allthetimesivedied

Creamsicle got some mechanical pencils!

Anyways…

There’s two big-ticket items that need replaced, though they’re not urgently needed given the weather (which is breaking 100° F today and tomorrow): my leather jacket & sleeping bag.

I’d love to be able to order a bivy sack as well, in preparation for the literal monsoon season we have up here.

Mostly Creamsicle and I just need to buy dinner, and cold drinkies.

CashApp/Venmo are the same as my @. DM me if you want to send via PayPal, since it’s my friend’s and has their legal name on it.

Also fwiw I’ve been (mostly) sober the last four days.

Even my leather jacket. I don’t have razors. I can’t wash my face. I can’t listen to fucking music. I’m sober right now but why fucking bother being sober when you don’t even have fucking socks? One person sent me $5 yesterday. One person.

CashApp/Venmo are the same as my username.

Please help. I’m out of food stamps too.

All my things, except my backpack, which was bike-locked to the fence. Everything. My sleeping bag. My leather jacket. My hygeine/shaving stuff. Everything.

Please.

CashApp and Venmo are allthetimesivedied.

Why is this happening to me.

It doesn’t seem like that’s possible anymore, even with a trusted mature adult (who’s also a Chapo OG) lined up to hold the bag for me.

But Creamsicle is safe and that’s cool.

”Yay!”

I spent 17 fucking dollars on a really good Belkin cable. That’s gone. All my good wall boxes were taken by that piece of shit old man who threw away my things—my very last one was taken the other day along with the cord.

I also lost a pair of headphones, a laptop, three portable chargers, a JBL speaker, and a bunch of fucking tools, and a torch lighter that looks like a gun, and a cool knife, but I need the charger and box.

I’m tired of this shit.

CashApp and Venmo are the same as my username. DM me for my friend’s PayPal handle.

Thanks.

It makes me feel like a fucking idiot every time. I never see a fucking adult trip and fall like I do, and don’t tell me it’s OK or whatever, please—I want to know if it’s normal.

“Yay.”