I just finished driving for 16 hours. I'm away from my partner, our place, our animals. I'm headed up into the mountains tomorrow (er, today, in like 6-8 hours) to see my family at our annual reunion which I have normally missed for the past few years. I'm currently in my childhood home, which also happens to be where my partner and I lived for a short while, trying to fall asleep.
I'm exhausted, of course, but it's hard for me to fall asleep here, all alone, no animals, partner, or family.
My partner and I are very isolated from both of our families, the closest to us being mine. We've gone through a lot of pain over the past 6 or so years, including multiple debilitating injuries and near losses of our pets. In the 6 years we've been away, we have barely made any real friends in person. It's really bad, because we've become so dependent on each other and we can never really travel together because our animals require twice daily meds.
Driving back here alone, seeing the place I grew up, where I met my friends, where my partner and I got our start, where I proposed.. it's all so much emotion. It would be one thing if I were able to share these emotions with someone, but since it's just me.. it's crushing. The loneliness is the hardest part.
I'm staying in my sister's old room, which has been decorated and filled with things from her, myself, and even my partner. I made the grave mistake of finding my yearbooks and looking through them, and then realizing I have no one to share them with at the moment. All of my friends, many of which I haven't seen in nearly two decades, adding on to the feeling of being alone.
Anyway, that's my 16-hour-drive-fueled vent. Thank you for reading, stranger.