If you had measured the speed at which the resulting gossip had propagated across Skewers, Washington – measured it very carefully, and with sufficiently fine instrumentation – it might have been found to travel faster than the speed of light in vacuum.
How do you write like this? How do you pick a normal joking observation and then add more words to make it worse?

Truly a rightwing tech, after getting all the attention, money and data they now are mad people dont love it enough.