I've just about finished my third year of college and I don't feel that great about it. Feel like I really didn't achieve or grow much this semester. I've been packing my stuff and I barely own anything except clothes. All I did today was get high on my own at home. I don't have many friends, there's people I see once a week to play dnd but we don't see each other outside of that. My housemates were really good friends but two of them have had a falling out, I don't understand why, and now the vibes in the house have been really weird for the past few months. One of them isn't moving back in with us last year because of this and I don't know how to feel. Now I'm just on my bed, alone because my other housemates have gone out for a meal with their friends. I don't even know if I'll get to see them before I leave.
I don't really get excited to learn stuff or go to college anymore. In first and second year I felt pretty fresh and I was having fun, this year it's just felt like a slog. At this point I'm gonna keep going just because I'm three years in, and my parents have already paid so much money to throw it all away. I was really stressed over academics this semester, to the point of multiple mental breakdowns. I don't want to learn what my course is anymore. I wish I'd done some kind of art or taken an apprenticeship or just worked in a kitchen. I don't feel fulfilled at all. I also basically completely dropped out of my org, because I felt such impostor syndrome. I always felt like the least qualified, least educated, least useful person there.
Idk. It just feels bad. I feel very disappointed with myself in this past year. I wanted to be more active and social, and care a bit more about my academic performance and I just didn't. The biggest thing I've managed to accomplish is developing a weed addiction.
Ireland