Mokey

I'm really disappointed in this woman, she keeps digging through my mail and lately she's been bugging me about how much I get paid. The idea that she gets to sit around, overmedicate and complain all day while I juggle working, taking care of my own family and picking up all the pieces caused by the way my sister and I grew up- with the idea she wants to use me as a piggy bank makes me so fucking mad.

I've been thinking about it more and more and any instance of responsibility this woman ever had thrust on her she just either didn't do it, did it half assed or fought it the entire way. UNLESS it benefitted her directly.

I'm thinking about this time my sister who was like six wanted to go see a friend. And they left to the friends house, but problem is my sister is six and didn't know the address. Instead of driving home and calling the kids mom like an adult, my mom a lady in her 30s freaked the fucked out, screamed, insulted and ranted at my sister calling her stupid and catastrophizing about everything. Reflectively she was very cruel to my sister but left me alone mostly because I avoided her and kept unpleasant things away from her.

My mom is mentally ill and has gone on medication after we left the house but there was never an apology for the stupid shit she was always pulling on us as kids. The probable over-medication has destroyed her brain so there will always just be this hanging thread.

My dad is a maga chud idiot and I used to think he was the idiot in the relationship but honestly they deserve eachother.

They've had such horrible childhoods, they're broken people themselves, it all makes sense. But I don't think that invalidates my anger. I want to escape them completely but that feels wrong too.

I'm going to do one better than them, they're old and can't change anymore but I can. I'm going to go to therapy in order to protect my relationships.

When I see my friends who went through real shit, dodged all of the horrible things that life threw at them, made it through the otherside and found success--- but have this useless lump significant other mooching off them, smoking weed all day and not trying to improve their situation it reminds me of my mom and it makes me mad.

I know it's none of my business but they ALL have this person in their lives and I feel like I overinvest in it because of my mom. I feel like overinvest in my friends in general because I can't invest in my family for anything, I just get disappointed and reminded why it didnt work out in the first place.

I need to go to therapy because there has to be a better way to frame this stuff.