So for most of my life, I’ve struggled with my eating, But not in the way that most people do. I was born very premature, Which meant several issues with my health. Most of my issues are oral. I have TMJ, Along with a number of dental issues that cause me pain and discomfort. I also have GERD and Dysphagia. For years, I would always do the same food and would have to have a separate meal from my family. I lived off of soup and ice cream until I turned 15, which was when my dental issues were finally noticed and treated. Since that time, I have been able to eat much more, And not have to worry so much about mealtime.
However, When it comes to restaurants, I always want to go to the same two places, Because they have food that’s easy to eat and also will be sure to fill me up. My parents don’t understand and often tell me_ that they’re sick of these restaurants and ask me if I wanna go somewhere else for a change. The problem is, My parents and sister all like the same food, And often times the restaurants they pick have things that can’t eat or don’t like. Sometimes I will push myself to eat there, but other times I do not. My big issue is making a decision.
My family is always talking about eating better because they are overweight. When they do go to restaurants and I don’t want something from there, My family offers an alternative choice. I know it’s going to sound stupid, but it makes me really upset to have to eat different meals to my family, So I often waffle back and forth, and can’t make a decision because I am also craving the alternative option even though I am embarrassed by eating a separate meal. Sometimes I just want to eat normal. My mom tells me if I don’t want something to just say I’m good, But the problem is, My dad will often make things worse and make it harder for me to decline.
For example, last summer, My sister wanted to go to a restaurant to celebrate her birthday. The original place she chose was closed, So she had to choose another option. That option ended up being a place that I can’t really eat much at, so I told my dad that It was OK and that I would just eat something else at home. He asked if I wanted an alternative option, and I told him it was OK, Because I was too embarrassed to be eating a separate meal from my family. He then got very firm, and said, “ You really want to forego this birthday dinner?” I began to waffle back and forth, but eventually stood my ground that I would be fine. He agreed, asked a couple minutes later asked In a worried tone, “Are you sure? Do you want me to get you some chicken strips or something?” I got really upset. Not only can I not eat chicken strips, but I just wanted to stick to a decision. I ended up waffling back and forth and getting angry, and my dad got mad and wouldn’t let me get anything then.
This reminded me of another time that my dad pushed me to eat. So my dad got he, my sister and I Domino’s while we watched football. I ate a slice of pizza and some Parmesan bites. My mom was out with her friends, But later, she came home with a box of chicken strips. She said they were for me, and I asked her why. She told me that my dad had called her and said that I had hardly eaten anything from Domino’s, so he asked if She could pick something up for me.
I was furious. I didn’t say anything to my parents for a minute because I was so mad. My mom said that I didn’t have to eat them, And that I could give them to the dog if I didn’t want them. I began to have a meltdown, and asked her why she would do this to me. She gave me the same response, “You hardly ate anything from Domino’s!” I gave up, And then went to my dad to take my anger out on him. He said he was worried that I didn’t eat much, I told him that I had had plenty. He said that I was making a big deal out of nothing, and then said that I didn’t want the chicken strips, he would eat them. I was so mad in that moment, that I lost my control, took a chicken strip out of the box, and threw it at my dad. My dad just joked around and threw it back at me, again saying as making a big deal out of nothing. I did the same thing again, through the chicken strip at my dad. He said I have one more shot, If I threw it at him again, he was taking them away. I don’t know why he kept giving me chances. He should’ve just took them away in the first place. This made me so angry, And while I regret doing this, I think it needed to be done. My dad needs to understand That just because I don’t always eat something from a restaurant like they do, it doesn’t mean I’m going to go hungry, and that if I want something, I will ask for it. I’ve tried telling my parents how I feel, but they just tell me that it’s a nice gesture and to be grateful for it.
Just the other day, My aunt kept pushing me to eat. I was eating a couple raspberries, and I realized that they had gone bad. So I threw them away and ate a granola bar instead. But my aunt was not satisfied with that. She kept asking me if I wanted a banana. I told her I was fine, Then she asked if I wanted an orange, and then strawberries, and so on. It feels like she’s doing it just to annoy me. I asked her why I’m allowed to eat things that the rest of the family isn’t, And she said because I’m skinny and healthy. Well, this is true, I wanted her to know that just cause I’m healthy on the outside, doesn’t mean I’m healthy on the inside. I told her that I’m a prediabetic, and she stopped immediately.
This wasn’t entirely the case, But ultimately it could be. Half of my family has diabetes, including my mom, and I’ve gained a lot of weight over the last year because I’ve been able to eat so much more. My mom noticed that my stomach’s getting larger and that it looks like a diabetic person’s stomach. Since then, I’ve been trying to eat healthier. Ultimately, I am very healthy, as I run six days a week and eat a fair diet. As a college student though, I eat a lot of junk food as well, And the risk of me getting diabetes is higher because my mom had it when she was pregnant with me, and it contributed to my birthweight.
Has anybody else experienced embarrassment from eating in the same way that I have? And if so, how did you fix it?
I only eat with my family occasionally because I’m away at college lol. But thanks so much for understanding and offering suggestions!