Madzielle

No we aren't as destructible as we think we are, are we? Ha.

I love that you have a fulfilling family today, it makes me smile knowing that it all came together for you

I've also found it very hard to relate to people my age because they usually have some sort of relationship with their family

Wow this hit home.

I remember in my early to mid 20s really really struggling with this too. It's still tough today, albeit a bit easier to deal with, but it was such a stuggle especially in the young adult years. I wouldn't even date a potential partner if they had good parents, because I felt some ways about it. I remember working retail, and basically having a fit inside one day because I over heard a teenage gril fighting with her mom about her mom buying her stuff. I never once went clothing shopping with my mom, or another woman and the girl was being so ungrateful. I pretty certain I cried in the bathroom for a time that day.

I don't miss feeling that deep pain. Healing is such a good feeling. Therapy helps me a lot too. I still go on a regular basis to cope with stuff. Im glad you've that resource too <3

I love the happy ending. I hadn't planned to have kids, but when I had my son it certainly grounded me in a way that having a child didn't ground my own parents. I felt such urgency to make a good family/life for him.

I moved a lot too, which made it really hard to make and keep friends. I've never had a "group" for long growing up. Switching schools/homes/gaurdians so often really makes life hard.

It's tough as a young person who doesn't trust any adults, to get support from said adults. Im really glad to hear things turned out okay in the end for you!

My life wouldn't be the same without the kindness of friends and strangers, second chances, and a sense of fierce and defiant optimism.

This is ao very true for me too. Thank you for sharing

I'm going to ask my husband to go for walks with me one day a week. I realized his depression is also really suffering. I checked his toothbrush this morning after he left for work. He's not even brushing his teeth.

Ive asked for him, a few years ago, to work out with me. I asked every few months for nearly a year. He won't.

He doesn't take me on dates, it's been years. He doesn't flirt with me. He is loyal, honest and responsible, respectful. He's my best friend. But a short walk once a week isn't a lot to ask, and for a man whos best coping skill for his own depression is avoidance and distraction, I'm have to ask for this walk. Just once a week, to help us both. He is so miserable, I bring him joy, I'm funny, and goofy and we have a lot of fun. But when I'm down, and can't make him laugh, we just suffer silently apart. But he's letting his hygiene suffer, and doing anything but spending time alone with screened distractions in his free time. Sure, I can go sit with him, but I am hollow. I won't sit by and watch my husband rot.

That's my solution. He take one short walk with me a week, or I stay on the couch until he has a better idea himself. I've nothing to pull from today, this week, this last month. I am empty. The stifling ideation has past, thank god, you want brain thought during a panic attack read the above. But, I know its reprieve only temporary. I've the coping though. On to the next day.

I was pretty upset when Kaos got cancelled. I didn't even think I'd like it, but absolutely loved it. I guess the creator has three seasons in mind, a short series, and they cancelled it after one.

Mad disappointed. It still plays okay as a first season, but my god I want to know what happened next

I don't want to do it today.

Im tired of my husband not knowing what to do to help me when I'm feeling fragile.

Clean! Clean the fucking house for me so that I can wake up and not worry about chores for one fucking day. Because the work just piles up when I'm depressed. We have traditional roles, he works and pays for stuff, I do nearly everything on the home front. I have a son, who he definitely does great with being step dad but holy fuck I feel like Im drowning. Im okay with this most of the time, but my house is such a meas right now I can't focus.

Read the internet, it's just bad bad bad bad more bad stuff everywhere. Try and ignore the internet.. aka reality of the world, and it brings no joy either. Reminded I have no friends left. I haven't made a new friend in ages. I've never known true connection.

I keep dreaming about taking a day trip up to Maine, but can't because my husband refuses to pay for the tolls in Massachusetts, and has accumulated so much in fees the car isnt legal to drive through mass. So unless I want to reroute through all of Connecticut and New York state, I'm just stuck. And it doesn't matter, even if I got to take a day trip to wherever, my house is still going to be a fucking mess when I get home. Who's gonna clean it? Me. And how long is Maine going to be beautiful? They just green lit destroying marine life conservation, and all the rich fucks are now moving there.

I miss having my own money, I miss my stick shift cars I enjoyed driving everywhere. I miss having hope. My son is special needs in a way that isnt obvious. ADHD, ODD, conduct disorder. He tried to fight me because I asked him to brush his teeth this morning before we went to his dental appointment. It turned into a whole thing, and then I couldn't find my keys, and I just, fucking lost my mind.

I've spent my whole like just trying to be a good person, and look where we are. Where are the good people? The people who try better tomorrow than today? Where are they?

This world is shit. Humans are shit. I don't want to be human anymore. I don't want to suffer for another 37 years I want to fade away and forget it all.

I don't believe in god, I believe in nature. We should be protected the planet and all it's people and beings. Everytime I read an environmental set back (oh there are so many) I feel like they are killing my god. I don't want to live like this.

But this is how it is. I've so many dishes to do today, just so I can make more preparing meals for others. My husband's idea for helping is ordering take out. That's not what I want to help. Do something kind for me christ sake. He's fun and kind, but even, we went and visited his grandmother yesterday, and when it was just me and her she asked about my garden. I told her I got some new beds in, she asked if (husband) built them for me. I giggled, no, he paid for the materials, but I did it.

He promised to get the dishwasher replaced. Its been broken for three years. He wont even get it removed so i can use thf empty space under it. When the kitchen faucet broke, I had to grt angry before he'd fix it. "I don't use it so I didn't realize it got so bad" no shit!

Im just tired of feeling like it's the right thing to do to do things for others, but who does shit for me? I try and carry on, because I am in charge of myself, but holy fuck. We've not been on a date in ages, he's depressed too. Idk. I'm bitching now.

I still don't want to be here. Its just a matter of making it bearable.

It blows my mind how much sugar is in tomato sauce here. I've seen anywhere from 3-7 grams of sugar per half cup serving on the jars at the grocery store.

I never put sugar in my tomato sauce I make at home. I don't get it.

My husband used to have night terrors before he got sober. That shit was scary! He would sleep talk, and not sound human. I'll never forget I woke up early one day while he stayed asleep and I heard him yelling "help" over and over. I was so scared, I ran to him, and woke him.

Thank goodness it stopped when he got sober. I feel for anyone who gets night terrors, it's no fun

I just finished reading the article, and I absolutely remember not wanting my toddler to "help" with chores because I knew I would have to follow behind him to "re-do" them and it would take twice as long.

But a few years in, I was able to let those feelings go and was able to give my child space to learn. With more practice it gets easier, and now I have a 12 year old who cleans up after himself relatively easily. He's in charge of his own bathroom even. I phrased cleaning up after ourselves as personal responsibility, because thats what it is.

I feel bad for not letting him help as a toddler and wish I approached it differently then, if only to help his self esteem. Yet I am glad by the time he was 7/8 I could give up that control and give him space to learn. Better late than never! Now if only I could get him to stop holding the broom like a hockey stick lol

It's really nice to see your parenting efforts pay off with the kids learning self reliance and responsibility.

Damn, it's the same exact thing at my house, I could have written this. Beef is absolutely a special occasion thing at my house, I now cook it maybe twice a year. I really dislike pork for various reasons, but chicken prices have gone up a lot too. I just can't do the pork though, sometimes I'll get sausage(s) when the local maker has them on sale, but thats it.

I've been preparing a lot more bean dishes this last year or so, often times I won't have meat so my husband and son can have it and it stretches further.

Beef is so resource intensive to produce, I'm not actually that upset its gotten so expensive, it probably should be expensive. So a beef dish feel special when we have do have it.

I struggle to sleep without my husband. I need my feet to touch his, at least. We share a queen bed, even use the same blanket (it is a King blanket though). Im really surprised so many folks don't sleep in the same bed at their partner here. Nothing wrong with it, I'm just surprised.

Maybe things will change when we are older, but I couldn't imagine.