Libb

Sorry for this depressing as post but I don’t have anyone to really talk to

Don't feel sorry.

Have you considered writing in a journal? I started as a little boy myself (now well into my 50s) and it helped me tremendously all my life and still does to this day.

As a child, I could certainly not speak with my dad or my mom despite or because of the things that happened to me. Even ignoring my family, a lot of my thoughts I simply could not share them with my best friend as he would not have understood most of it. Writing in my journal, discussing with myself in my journal, was my way of dealing with that absolute loneliness (after I quickly learned to make said journal unreadable to my inquisitorial mother that would quickly find it and read it no matter how hard I tried to hide it)

For me personally, perfectionism is something that you lose as you get older.

Interesting, I never thought about it like that (nearing my 60s). I decided to get rid of that 'perfectionist paralysis' of mine, like I used to call it, in my early 30s and never looked back but to this day it has remained a constant fight. I mean, I could as easily today spend weeks rewriting a single paragraph exactly like, in my 20s I was endlessly rewriting the first few sentences of most stories I wanted to write but never finished writing. Switching back to analog helped me a lot in that regard: rewriting by hand is a slow and painful process compared to the constant temptation of instantly editing on a computer screen, so writing longhand I quickly stopped mindlessly editing... but I don't think I'm smarter or wiser than I was back then. More aware of my laziness, maybe ;)

the only thing I worry is if I’m giving enough detail.

This bugged me for so long! I ended up with lengthy and, frankly speaking, unreadable blocks of text that would go on and on for pages. Nowadays, I only write a few noticeable details, if there is any deemed noteworthy, and joyfully ignore all other details.

For example, I was into that church a few days ago. I did not describe it in my journal despite having a lot to say about it. I only put down my impression of the quietness (damaged by the constant roaring noise of urban traffic, as the church is on a very busy street of Paris) and of its huge ceiling light plus the many light bulbs placed absolutely everywhere. I also wrote how, imho, electric light in old churches, that one at least, has ruined its mood by erasing any notion of deepness (very little shadows anywhere), uncertainty and stuff like that (like how those old churches were never built with electric lighting in mind, only candle and sun light which are so different and how electricity, by lighting everything equally, has made everything indifferent or too certain, merely a prop which churches like this one were not supposed to be). Anyone reading that passage of my journal would have no idea what the inside of that church looked like but would get a pretty accurate description of what I imagined the (non-electric) original light to be like, back then and how I think electricity has destroyed all of its magic. A couple or maybe three paragraphs, no more ;)

I will write down certain noticeable dreams in my journal but I don't have a dedicated dream journal. More often I'll write my impressions after a dream, what I think about it.

r/simpleliving or, more exactly, a more active version of it since the community is there: !simpleliving@lemm.ee. And more people participating in the !journaling@sh.itjust.works community too but hopefully we're slowly getting there.

Thank you for you detailed insights!

You're welcome.

One thing I’ve discovered about my mentality is that, I’ve developed a perfectionist perspective/mindset

Perfectionism is the enemy of creativity, which journaling can be considered a form of but that's true of any form of writing. Perfectionism will often be used as an excuse to not finish/publish a text. I learned at a very young age to say to my own perfectionism to fuck off. Even for simple stuff like commenting here on lemmy I'm OK with publishing posts/comments in English (which means that they contain even more mistakes than they would have in my native French), I'm ok with mistakes and I can always edit the ones I see later on. I'm also ok with not having a fully articulated expression of what I really want to say (for that you would need to read and me to write in French). And that's true for any other published work, not just here on Lemmy (I may have been writing for a living, younger).

As far as I'm concerned, I consider perfectionism one of my worst enemy. I see it as my own fear of realizing I'm far from being as good I imagine I am ;)

After reading your insight, maybe I’m sensing a change in my perspective. A positive change. Maybe I can LET GO of the feeling of failure and move on…

So glad to know that!

Don't be afraid (really) to try letting go of that perfectionism. Worst case: it won't help you. But if it does help you, you will never regret getting rid of that shit feeling.

A warning before you try anything new: you need to be prepared, like be OK in you head, like for real because it's the most likely outcome, with the idea that you will fail at doing it, that will fail the first time, and maybe the second time and maybe more. And even if you don't fail, you may be ok with doing something great either. That's not an issue. That's how you begin. That's how anyone begins. Trying to get rid of that shit feeling of perfectionism you will indeed fight years-long education and habits. It's not just an on/off switch so be ok with that ;)

We now live in an age that hates failing and is in absolute adoration before perfectionism(at least as much as it is in adoration before money). That is the most stupid thing ever conceived; And it is even more so for all the kids that are being taught that. Because, simply put, failing is essential part of leaning. I would even say failing is the only legit way to learn anything that is worth learning.

How did you learn to walk? By walking a marathon or running a sprint like some athlete or was it by falling on your diapered toddler bum one clumsy step after another, over and over again? Yeah, not that brilliant but be assured that was the exactly the same with me. How did you learn to write? By writing poetry that put to shame dear Shakespeare at your very first attempt? Or by making a shit ton of mistakes, and by writing each letter clumsily one at a time, and then, after years of practice, by realizing you were indeed able to write your first (but still rather poorly worded) real sentences? So did I. And I experience that with every single language I learn(ed), even more so with non-Latin languages. And how did you (maybe?) learn to kiss, and more? Don't tell me you were at the top of your art from your first kiss, and that you were a perfect lover the first time too because I certainly wasn't (and, decades later, still am not ;)

Failing and then trying to understand how and why, and how to avoid repeating the exact same mistake, is at the core of learning and therefore should be at the core of any quality teaching too. Not telling kids they're perfect and all they do is amazing. That's bullshit. Alas, it's that bullshit that is now the norm. Heck, teachers in schools nowadays are even afraid to give poor grades to students as that could be traumatizing for the kids... forgetting that's it's the sole purpose of giving a grade: to assess the level of assimilation of whatever the student was supposed to have studied. Sad state of affair out of which the real losers here are those students that don't learn essential knowledge and skills anymore. They're the ones that are being screwed up.

Sorry, for that rant. It's something that worries me a lot to watch so many younger people being frozen by the fear of failing despite being at the very age where they should happily be taking so many fucking risks and be daring of trying the most stupid shit. I also worry a lot realizing those younger ones are very quickly becoming unable to read and write, or to do simple math. Meaning they aren't able to learn and understand much by themselves, and less and less able to communicate whatever thought, emotion, or idea they may wish to share.

To get back to your situation: your journal is not a work of art that will end up exposed in art galleries nor in a museum, maybe you will do stuff that will end up exposed and studied, no one can predict the future, but they should not be your journal. That journal is one of the tools in your toolbox with which you will do what you want with your life. It's also a work in progress. Use it, abuse it, experiment in it, break it as often as you feel like it. In a few decades, when you will look back at your old journals, you will be happy you have tried (and failed) so many times at so many things. And I'm willing to bet you will be happy to have kept a record of all those failed and imperfect attempts of yours ;)

Antidote. From Druide Informatique is a great set of spellcheckers (and gramamtical guides) for French and for English.

Alas, a few years ago they dropped their Linux version. Also, it's not from the EU but from Canada... which has not yet been invaded by the USA.

Edit: too many things to list, I'm tired (and I don't have Antidote on my Linux machine)

Now I’m seeking advices from people who turned their life in a positive way by writing journals as a first step

I've been journaling since I was a 7-8 years old boy (now nearing my 60s). Don't worry about pausing your journal. It's not a job, it's your journal. If it can be compared to anything, it's a tool. You don't always carry your hammer with you when you don't need it, right? Neither do I. So, I've had plenty breaks where I did not use my journal at all. Ranging from a few days to a few... years. That's fine. I know my journal is there, when I need it.

Not blaming yourself for not journaling can also make it simpler to get back to it. I mean, if you don't feel bad for not writing in your journal you will not hesitate to re-open it and start writing in it again.

It doesn't matter for how long I've not been using it, I never feel bad starting again. IN reality it even feels great as it's a lot more like meeting one of my best friends I had lost touch with for a long time, and we've so much to tell!

Now I’m seeking advices from people who turned their life in a positive way by writing journals as a first step.

That's a bit vague to suggest anything.

What I can say is that it helped me all my life. When I was a little boy going through what people nowadays would call some serious trauma, as a teen going through that thick and seemingly endless stupidity period I was stuck in, as a young adult when I decided to change life (I quit my well-paying job and decided to live a much more simple (and poorer) live). And so on, up to this day. It also helps me face mistakes I can make. It helps me even for more mundane things... simply by allowing me to take a step back from whatever it is I'm journaling about, allowing me to look at it more calmly, to think about it in a non-emotional way (or less emotional).

Like you already realized it's great to feel more in control too.

It also helps me keep track of stuff I simply want to remember in the long run. Last but not least, it helps me be more present too. How? Journaling helps me be more attentive and so does sketching which I also do in my journal—badly and, exactly like making pauses, I'm 100% fine with that.

What helps me journaling almost daily nowadays is that I made it as simple as possible: I don't try to make nice sentences. I don't mind making mistakes and crossing out stuff. It's a work-in-progress that will never be finished. One day, I will be gone and I won't be able to write that one last sentence: 'today, I died.' ;)

For years, I had been using some a digital tool of some sort (word processor, journaling app, voice recorder, whatever) but I've come back to the analog way, good old pen and paper, because I never felt the same connection using digital, and because I don't feel confident writing what are sometimes my most intimate thoughts into something that is connected to the Internet or worse, that is stored online, an app that can read what I write and do god knows what with it.

My journal stays at home. So, to journal on the go (which I always do) I use a small pocket notebook I carry with me. Somethig xheap with a cheap ballpoint pen I don't mind losing. Later on, I copy whatever is in that pocket notebook to my 'real' journal. To make it quick to write on the go I don't write full sentences in that pocket notebook, I use my own shorthand I devised along the years.

If you have other (more specific) questions, feel free to ask them.

BTW, you (and anyone else reading this) are more than welcome to join the !journaling@sh.itjust.works community. I'm the admin and I would love to see more people share their experience/doubts/questions, like you just did. Hopefully that would motivate others to start doing it as well.

What your thoughs on this?

My thoughts? I would change 'society', move to some other one.

C'est le bon moment pour s'installer dans un coin tranquille un bouquin en mains (et pour être sûr que la belle soeur ferme sa grande bouche, prendre un bouquin sérieux). Du moins, c'est ce que je ferais si j'étais dans tes chaussures... dans lesquelles je ne suis heureusement pas.

Toute ma sympathie, cela dit. Et passe un bon WE de Pâques quand même ;)

we don't have a TV in our home. So, no TV in our bedroom either ;)

I would not.

Even if the law made it my duty to do so, I would not comply (aka the law can go fuck itself). It's family. Family is at the base of everything else, including civil society (with all its laws, and all its crimes). There is no way I will report any member of the family, for anything.

It doesn't mean I blindly agree with anything stupid my family could do (certainly not) nor that whatever 'bad' they may do shouldn't be dealt with. It just means that it's not (civil) society's business.

Actively ruining the ecosystem and the climate, two things we probably cannot survive as a species without them working smoothly, so we can all buy new phones and clothes and help less than a handful of us to become even richer than they already are.

Imho, that's an impressive demonstration of our stupidity and one of the most impressive species-level suicide I can think of. Even dinosaurs were not that stupid and they needed a meteor to hit the planet for them to be wiped out from its surface. Something we humans are working real hard to manage doing all by ourselves.

To our credit, I should say those few already very rich people will indeed be reaching unheard-of levels of richness. And while helping them do so we will get our new shiny phones and new fashionable clothing. Yeah, I suppose.