Do you only experience attraction during sex? I feel it in my eyes when smiling, hear it when someone's face makes pretty noises, bounce off it when trying to hold a walking conversation and failing. Just be open to your feelings!
LassCalibur
Really explore ideas and concepts from the base of your psyche without lumping all the societal bullshit on top, if possible.
Approaching my lived experiences of attraction as mere phenomena, was critical to (or was it the cause of, or rather the anticipation of?) finding them to be unbound by social constructs of gender, sex, or sexuality. Try not to mistake the map for the territory. The menu is not the meal.
Behold the elder-lore, once sung 'round internet campfire tales of yore! /j
Transfeminine Science has a thorough discussion of the concerns:
These suggestions include progestogens having known antiestrogenic effects in the breasts, animal studies finding stunted mammary development with high doses of progestogens, clinical publications cautioning against premature introduction of progestogens in female puberty induction due to concerns about possibly stunted breast growth, clinical use of progestogens to treat macromastia in cisgender females, poor breast development with estrogen therapy in cisgender girls with a disorder of sexual development that results in high progesterone exposure, and breast development with estrogen and CPA (a very strong progestogen) typically being poor in transfeminine people.
Folks very much are starting earlier now! A recent paper noted that, "[m]ost patients who started progesterone began after 1-6 months on a standard GAHT regimen (59.3%)." But only two women were doing rectal administration in that study, which is what everyone online says works best.
My first year of hrt was all diy. I added progesterone after a bit more than eighteen months of slowly increasing estrogen, with the advice of a doctor, around seven years ago. At the time my dose of e was 6mg/day buccal, and p was 100mg/day oral for the first six months, then the other way. Maybe a year after that, a different doctor increased p to 200mg and eventually started me on injections around four and a half years ago. It's been more than eight and half years now since I started hrt. The younger woman I was when beginning would be thrilled with where the girls have ended up, but I'd still like them a bit bigger.
been on e for a several months now
It kind of blows my mind that folks are starting progesterone so early now. The old lore was to wait at least two to three years due to fear of stunted growth.
You might enjoy Surfraw, the Shell Users' Revolutionary Front Rage Against the Web. I once used an old laptop like that with byobu and w3m but all the keybinds became tiring. Now it's just a soon to be e-waste interactive fiction interpreter.
Are you familiar with the Buddhist teaching of The Arrow?
When touched with a feeling of pain, the uninstructed run-of-the-mill person sorrows, grieves, & laments, beats his breast, becomes distraught. So he feels two pains, physical & mental. Just as if they were to shoot a man with an arrow and, right afterward, were to shoot him with another one, so that he would feel the pains of two arrows; in the same way, when touched with a feeling of pain, the uninstructed run-of-the-mill person sorrows, grieves, & laments, beats his breast, becomes distraught. So he feels two pains, physical & mental.
The mental pain is due to our resistance, repulsion, anger, or hatred. Often this resistance takes the form of judgement and anxiety. What are you gaining by holding on to this resistance? Is it worth it?
Thich Nhat Hanh, in his exegesis upon The Arrow in No Mud, No Lotus (p. 46), writes:
...there is real danger attached if you don’t have enough to eat or can’t afford necessary medicine. But you don’t need to make this suffering worse by spinning stories in your head that are much worse than the reality... It’s important to remember that everything is impermanent. A suffering can arise—or can work itself out—for anyone at any moment.
Instead of throwing good energy away on condemning yourself or obsessing over what catastrophes might be lurking around the corner, you can simply be present with the real suffering that is right in front of you, with what is happening right now. Mindfulness is recognizing what is there in the present moment. Suffering is there, yes; but what is also there is that you are still alive...
What has happened to you is wrong, but none the less there is still joy all around you if you choose to find it. I hope that you do! Please take a look at these links and reconsider.
Your severe mental illness might qualify you for disability! That could help with getting the medication covered.
Would you be able to work as a server in a restaurant on your days off from your non-profit work? The tips can be really good in the nicer ones.
Have you explained your situation to your boss? Maybe you could get a raise?
The same places that hold munches might have other events as well. There are polyamorous gaming nights at the place nearest me.