Kolibri

joined 2 years ago
[–] Kolibri@hexbear.net 10 points 2 years ago

I seriously love how my conditioner makes my hair so soft

[–] Kolibri@hexbear.net 17 points 2 years ago (2 children)

I'm gonna break bad

[–] Kolibri@hexbear.net 9 points 2 years ago

sometimes it's really nice to just lay down and just relax to the sounds in the environment

[–] Kolibri@hexbear.net 8 points 2 years ago (1 children)

sundays are the worst

[–] Kolibri@hexbear.net 2 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

I will, and yea, like, I expect like the dark to come back to. I'm really thinking of trying journaling again privately and taking it more seriously. Especially because it would be nice to have something to help keep track of days to? since for the last few months, the days, weeks, month have been fleeting. and also like, taking journaling more seriously would allow me to ground myself to and not get so caught up in my head. I just have to like really make an effort to journal at the end of the day or like when I want to note something. but like yea I should include what you said, that would be a good idea

[–] Kolibri@hexbear.net 3 points 2 years ago

that's fair and like, I am bit over worried about like a fire happening because last year my dad was drinking a lot and he caused a fire inside the oven. thankfully it went out, but like, fire scares me

[–] Kolibri@hexbear.net 2 points 2 years ago

meow-hug thanks, I dunno how long this peacefulness and happiness will last but I am gonna take advantage of it!

[–] Kolibri@hexbear.net 4 points 2 years ago (1 children)

it would be a fun day if like me and friends could party around the burning of the american flag, hopefully one day

[–] Kolibri@hexbear.net 7 points 2 years ago

I have vacuumed after neglecting to do so in like a month or two. and now the floor is clean and it's nice

[–] Kolibri@hexbear.net 13 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (4 children)

mental health journaling, mainly about depression

spoilerI hope I can word this right, but I am in a pretty peaceful and genuinely happy mood right now. that it kind has broken me out of like this depression and stuff I been feeling for the last few months. kind of just like, a spell has been broken at least for now. and I can like think more clearly? hope that doesn't sound too weird. but def like being able to think more clearly that my thoughts aren't "clouded" by certain things like death and depression and pain and like all those sad thoughts and stuff. I dunno it just kind of like "waking" up sort of. like I been asleep for a while. and that I can think in the long term instead of the the surviving the night short term

but right now I'm kind of realizing that like I have been seriously genuinely struggling for the last few months, that was probably cause for concern at points. but also like, there a way to make things easier and stuff? like I can manage being around my dad drinking, and I can manage bad days. I have done it before. I can do it. and I can handle my self destructive behaviors better and not do things like delete past accounts on here, or like isolate away from everyone and stuff. and like, while I can't get my dad to stop drinking or go see a doctor for his cough, I can at least control how I react to it and try to make my day better. I can do these things and I have done so.

and that like, things can get better. and while things may not exactly go the way I want them, it doesn't have to end bad. I just have to hang in there. It's just weird, feeling this way and being able to think more clearly? but kind of just like the fog has lifted. and like, I dunno it's just a weird/strange feeling. it probably hepls that right now im really feeling genuinely happy and peaceful, and not feeling like any of that despair or pain I been feeling for a while now.

[–] Kolibri@hexbear.net 16 points 2 years ago (2 children)

the last part at the end of the vid really hit me that I wasn't expecting. mainly like wanting to be seen and understood, and just wanting to be me that is me. and it doesn't help I get caught up thinking about what other people think of me and being highly critical of myself, or like wanting approval from others at times just to find a sense of belonging? or like closeness? or understanding? or to not be alone? or to feel valid like im a person and I exist kind of feeling? not sure how to phrase that. but something like that

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