okay okay! I'll bring back winter! (only closest emote I can find with, like, hands up)
Kolibri
joined 2 years ago
I don't think it is with the food sensitivity?
spoiler
mainly because like, I eat most foods fine? It just more like within this year, last and year before, where these things started to become an issue, mainly more so this year? But like even eating foods I love that I know I never had issues with, makes me feel sick to when eating. Sick as in like just feeling very nauseous. I hope like, those periods when I'm not eating are not hurting me, but like it feels like in some way I need to get it together. Since it's like, more like mental health or stress related? Like when I'm not eating is because my mood is at an absolute extreme low or I'm too stressed to even care
yea that early darkness is awful, def. demotivates me to. esp when like, sleeping when it's night, waking up when it's night. or when I was working in the past. nothing like 12 hour shifts from dark to dark. and yea. at least winter almost over, and like the sun staying up later and later
I kind of want to vent about something. I kind of also don't in a way to, but a part of me feels the need to talk about this
CW: talking about eating related issues, and depression
I had a dream about my grandma, and that dream kind of reminded how like. I want to re-learn spanish again so I could like speak to my grandma. Since that’s her first language. And I remember my grandma tried to teach me it as a kid, and I took a bunch of spanish classes growing up. But I kind of lost it all because I never really used it. And in a way I want to re-learn spanish, because it would be cool to speak to my grandma in her first language.
But at the same time, there just like, a lot im dealing with. Like my dad drinking too much at times and what comes from that, or like another issue. Honestly like I think this might be starting to become an issue. I kind of don’t want to talk about this because I feel very vulnerable, but I kind of want to. But like going to eating. It’s starting to become a really nasty cycle, where I don’t eat for a day or days, or drink much fluids on one side of this cycle. But then on another, I eat normally again, maybe a little too much sometimes.
And it just feels like it’s turning into this bad/nasty cycle. Like as I’m writing this while not having eaten in a day again, not like I ate much the day when I did eat. Even if I do eat, I’ll start to feel sick and like, it feels hellish in a way. Eat and get sick, or don’t eat and just feel awful. But I think it might be due to over eating too much?
Besides that, there just a bunch of other issues to and then I just feel very limited in what I can’t or can do anymore.
And besides, going back to my grandma. In a way it feels like I shouldn’t due to like last year, well two years now since it’s 2024 now. My dad got mad at me for like bringing up his substance abuse issue to my grandma, and my dad was very mad at me. Telling me how I shouldn’t make her worry, and how to not talk to her about this and how I should feel bad for making her worry.
And of course I do feel like an asshole for like, worrying my grandma. But like god forbid, I tried to do something and tried to get help with my dad drinking himself to death. Besides like when I do talk to my grandma, there just a sort of awkwardness? I dunno. And to add, nowadays my dad fine with me talking with my grandma, just as long as it’s not bringing up any issues. But just like in a way it just feels like I don’t know. I just deserve to just be isolated and alone. Because no one wants me around. Since all I do is create problems and issues.
I feel you with like winter and seasonal depression. Winter the worst, and ugh.
It would be nice if it was summer again, I just want to go outside late at night again and just look at the night sky without being chilled to the bone
week 6!
I kind of hate being in that in-between of like, wanting to like reach out to talk about something on my mind, but then at the same time, not wanting to feel like a burden, and then just keeping it to myself
sticking my hands in warm/hot water on a cold day, is just so nice. until like, having to take them out
that's really fucked, fuck amazon and Bezos so much. I still recall like the news story about workers at amazon having to work alongside another worker who died
oh right yea, I wasn't thinking about the like, concentration and centralization of capital with this stuff with like nationalization. and yea for sure, China really amazing with like everything so far what they have done. It would be neat to see what China is like I dunno, 50 years from now. I can't really imagine.
I finished this week reading and it got really dark. It's easy to still see some of that stuff today happening still. Like child labor, or stuff that shouldn't be put in food. Or like that railroad stuff like what happened in the U.S last year.
Also Corvée's, kind of remind me a lot of like, modern day prison labor like in the u.s? or like a court forcing someone to do "community service" instead of jail.
“The profit to be gained by it (over-working in violation of the Act) appears to be, to many, a greater temptation than they can resist; they calculate upon the chance of not being found out; and when they see the small amount of penalty and costs, which those who have been convicted have had to pay, they find that if they should be detected there will still be a considerable balance of gain.... [23] In cases where the additional time is gained by a multiplication of small thefts in the course of the day, there are insuperable difficulties to the inspectors making out a case.”
This just like reminded me how this is still seen today, a lot.
If the labourer consumes his disposable time for himself, he robs the capitalist
- “Si le manouvrier libre prend un instant de repos, l’économie sordide qui le suit des yeux avec inquiétude, prétend qu’il la vole.” [If the free labourer allows himself an instant of rest, the base and petty management, which follows him with wary eyes, claims he is stealing from it.] N. Linguet, “Théorie des Lois Civiles. &c.” London, 1767, t. II., p. 466.
and this just reminded me of like, using the restroom on company time.
oh also like for ch.9 for the rest of the sections past section 1. just to be sure. Marx is kind of saying that like. When someone works for a day, it's all in proportion for that hours worked in that day? And that it can't be simply just thought as like someone working half a day for that variable and constant capital, and then the rest of that "working day" then that surplus value. but instead more like, that proportion or like that rate of surplus value, along with the variable and constant capital, is found within all the hours of that working day, in proportion?