I keep constantly rewinding this vid im trying to watch since it's like, not going through my head. or as in like, my mind keeps going to other places. and then like a few minutes later when I focus back to the vid, I'm like lost and need to go back. and then it happens again like two or three more times until I finally got it.
Kolibri
joined 2 years ago
I did finally getting round to eating something and drinking. And the treat thing sounds like really good advice, but all that sounds good to. and like I'll try to remember this next time to if I ever get to this point again, since I probably will again. Which at the same time im trying not to, just like things are really difficult. but this does need to stop since I can't be doing this esp since I am underweight.
It's okay, and nothing to apologize for either since you're trying to help. I sometimes wish I had some weed because it would probably make everything that im dealing with a lot easier. I don't mean to suddenly bring up my mom but that reminded me of her. Since she would smoke it a lot, for like a lot of her back pain and stuff, and a few times she offered for me to smoke with her, but I didn't really want to at the time.
venting about my dad again. cw: I dunno eating relating stuff and alcoholism
I dunno why it's upsetting me that like. my dad not eating much. and like in ways it honestly really doesn't make me want to eat at all either since it just upsets me very deeply. Like I dont think im gonna eat today, and besides im fine with not eating. I can go days not eating. Just like, I'm really trying not to let it affect me, but it is hard not to. I also know its upsetting me to because like going to last year. When my dad was getting very close to drinking himself to death. He was not eating at all and puking a lot. and that was just really rough. esp. while like dealing with other things like with my mom dying.
either way it just like upsets me that like I also don't feel like eating. I think he did eat something today at least, but like, food def. not being ate much.
also kind of angers me a bit to when like he doesn't drink water either while drinking. and having to suggest to him that he should. like. seriously. just. I'm tired and upset. and noticing that like he not eating much is just. it hurts
Thanks, I might try learning that a bit? I'm not sure. But at the very least like, it couldn't entirely hurt? Esp. since I can't remember if this was this or last year. I was out somewhere getting something and someone couldn't understand me and they offered to speak in sign language. Which was really nice of them, esp. since I never had anyone offer to do that before. But like again, I don't know any of it and I just shook my head no while like trying to gesture that im fine no need! something like that
I don't and I wish I knew it, and maybe there are classes around here that teach sign language, I don't know. Just other then like I wish my parents helped me more with this in the past instead of just assuming I'll grow out of it and everything will be okay. Except I didn't and I still have issues speaking which makes me feel like a failure in some ways. Right now I just don't really care much about that right now because im just kind of upset at like, being unable to resolve something because something happened while like going to pick something up. and all I could do is just leave and I hate that feeling of helplessness
I hate being able unable to speak. I hate having a speech impediment. I hate it when something happens where I am unable to fucking talk and meanwhile its expected me when I am legit unable to
I had this dream where like, my mind was trying to play a song I know, but it couldn't remember the lyrics. and it was kind of just making it up while trying to fit in with like the tone/style of the song. It was kind of interesting
I was checking out my emails and I badly misread one that, said like check out your transition photos and I was very 
since I don't take pictures of myself. Instead I badly misread it, since the email said check out this transition portfolios. for transitions glasses, but with like the transition glasses left out out of the email title