JustSo

Yeah, about ten years.

The dynamic hasn't always been this way though, our patterns of affection and intimacy were a lot more.. "standard"? earlier in the relationship. But there had also been a lot of recreational drug use, complications of various types, mental health stuff, living situations, whatever.

So while it didn't come out of the blue it also didn't seem inevitable that the track we're on now would be "the way things will be from now on" if that makes sense. That's more or less the shape of the conversation that this discussion grew out of.

She's open to non-monogamy. I warmed to it intellectually a while back, in preparation for accommodating a previous partner's needs. I haven't been so sure over the last year or two.

Cheers for the well wishes.

You ask really good questions. Unfortunately they don't really have simple answers, as far as I can tell. Like, the best way I can think to phrase it is, there's nothing I would want if it isn't enthusiastically volunteered.

But if our relationship has hard limits that I don't want to have become my hard limits by defacto.. then.. is problem.

This is all so confusing cuz I have legit been doing this volcel thing for multiple years now in the context of this relationship. I'm so far removed at this point that I don't even know if what I'm not getting from this relationship is even that important compared to the benefits of stable and reliable mutual support from someone I admire and respect and love.

(rambling out loud here I forget if I was even trying to make a point anymore)

Thanks comrade. What you described about needing to feel wanted sounds very familiar. I guess I've been distracting myself from the reality of the situation, numbing and I guess just kinda rationalising things as a side effect of temporary conditions or other surmountable things we would face together eventually and be stronger for.

I'm so sorry to hear about the situation with your girlfriend's birth control. That must have been an absolute mindfuck for both of you.

In my case things have sort of ended up where they are through a gradual process and we've continued to be generally very good for each other. The way things are have been a fairly consistent state of affairs for a while, I just kind of expected we would somehow find each other again, in that way.

The conversation with her today feels like a reality check against that. I don't even know what I "want" in terms of something else. I haven't felt the need to wonder about it. I just know this feels incomplete.

Fuck. I appreciate you sharing your story. It's definitely food for thought.

Nah seriously. I think this is a cry for help or advice. I love this person and I'm not sure how well I'd be able to juggle non-monogamy-with-emotional-characteristics.

Has anyone navigated these waters? Regale me with your stories. Good or bad, it's all the same to me.

Oh, wrote all that and forgot to address the most interesting part of your post- the way people manage to find ways to help each other make it through. Building covert shelters and providing safe access to water and bathing etc. I imagine more people would find ways to make things more bearable if liberalism didn't make it seem like acts of charity didn't come with reams of incomprehensible liability.

Tangentially related: I'm I unironically the occasional squatter victory story that makes it through to my corner of reality. But I can easily imagine if I had more to give in my life, the news cycles would have me clutching every last red cent jealousy out of pure fear. It's incredible how knotted and tangled all the interests of capital and competition and fear weave together into a fkn society-wide straight jacket.

The news in Australia is full of "tent city" headlines lately. This country has some pretty dastardly deeds in its past but I really fear what's to come if certain areas reach a critical mass and "solutions" need to be applied.

It's so fucked. The last city I lived in bussed tons of people out of the city in preparation for an Olympic Games, to a much smaller locality far less equipped to deal with the population and its needs. If you didn't know the "how" of it, it just looks like they were disappeared, maximum sinister-style.

Same city had another tent city pop up that was left alone for ages. The park was SAFER while they were there. It felt nice. The tents stuck to the perimeter and despite how backwards this country can be I don't remember any horror stories related to it.

Now I'm watching puff pieces on international students forced to live in tents because rent and commute makes work impossible. Just presented in the news like "Huh, how about that hey! Be tough if you had a family!"

Another tent "city" starting up a couple hundred km north of my current city and that's just the one big enough to get attention. Which no doubt means it will be destroyed.

I haven't seen this level of overt precarious living since I visited London and a couple of cities in America in 2019.

The anti-treat posts on here make me want to block people. Rightly so.

The joke I was attempting to construct was that the economic system we live under isn't just broken, but so broken that even the token benefits (like treats, to keep us just comfortable enough to revolt) are becoming as systemically broken as the things they're supposed to distract us from.

Complicating my awkward joke was butchering it into the format of a gamergate-eque statement (ie, it's not games it's <~~everything isn't my version of perfect~~ about ethics in journalism>.

I know it's been 5 days since I wrote that throw-away joke and I was absurdly wired and tired when I wrote it. On reflection though, I think I like the joke still unlke most of the cringe I post. To sort of reduce it to blatant absurdity, it'd be something like:

Don't get distracted about surge pricing for restaurants, it's about people starving to death because they don't have money.

Apologies for the pedantry. I might be evolving into the cringiest version of myself. :/

Hey wait a minute. Why's his world of delusion so much cushier than mine? The fuck.

FAR LEFT CONSTRUCTION CREW COMING THROUGH

Lets build some fuckin homes. We should be as useful and loveable as they fear us to be. More so even.

The prices will be dynamic, the wages stagnant.

Indeed, just remember it's not about treats, it's about ethics in economics. Don't let them smear us on this. Everybody needs treats they're a basic human right.

~~eat my ass, hole and hair~~

~~Gnarly but fair.~~

Agreed tho, the explosion of sketchy skype and discord clones.. and businesses' enthusiasm towards them.. is just undignified.

(edited to a sincerepost because I smoked weed and can't shake the feeling my earlier post's tone is ambiguously creepy sounding. apologies, comrade(s)! not gonna delete it tho I wasn't being that awkward)

Came across this while hunting for rare landrace Stirner memes. Figured you might need a copy too.