Jolteon

She wants you to join the United States army

I 100% believe #2 and #3, but especially the #2.

He was a regular Nazi, so why wouldn't he be a grammar Nazi as well?

To be fair, portal 2 was also built when valve valued quality over profit.

I don't think you were quite grasping the scope the McDonald's operates at. That's only a couple hundred per location, and fast food restaurants tend to have extremely high turnover, so that's definitely not an unrealistic number.

Hey, at least being fat doesn't create an aura of stench that makes anyone nearby miserable.

Having a manager named Karen would be so satisfying as a store employee. You could literally use the phrase "I have a Karen situation at register 2", Wait for the Karen to blow up even more, then the manager would introduce herself as Karen.

Has anybody ever actually unironically said "alternative facts"?

Is that the name of a political party?

Because drones are expensive, and it would be a waste of money to use them on poor people.

I mean, if I was a key part of the nuclear program of the US, and there was another country specifically targeting the US's nuclear program, I would assume myself to be a target.