I am 43, currently dating someone, but this is more someone to spend some intimate time with, and do things with, with neither planning on anything deeper. I guess a type of friends with benefits. My last relationship was very long and serious, but we both had some serious issues, I went on to work on mine, she spent a few more years not trying to get help, and then she spent a few years with serious improvement, but died late last year. So I am not really trying for anything deep.
I moved to were I am about 6 years ago, I have several new friends, a number of acquaintances I get along with at social events, and said girlfriend. This is how it has always worked out for me. I am not sure why. I do believe that growing up in a situation where I moved every couple of years, and thus had to make new friends every time, kinda play a big role in how I developed. On top of this I have the blessing/curse of not experiencing anxiety, this often helps in the beginning, but that lack of inhibition can also turn a lot of people off. However, that is me.
This being said one of the biggest differences I see between me, and people around me who have no friends, is that I spend time researching what is going on where I live, and then I participate in it. Often I don't even like what it is, but I would otherwise be sitting at home, so fuck it, might as well. Beyond this I go out of my way to talk to everyone, in a general group sense. I don't hone in on one person, and I keep it very casual. The critical thing though, is that there is reciprocal conversation. I ask them something "Oh, hey I am new here, how long have you been guys been involved in this?" I try to keep it to where I am asking, comfortably non-invasive, questions about themselves, and try and get them to talk about themselves, and hopefully their interests. Then you make yourself a regular, and over time, the conversation become much more second nature, and you slowly get to know each other better.
Another thing is that I know a lot of people just won't like me. That is fine. Even rude rejection is just a minor thing to me. I have been reject so many times that if I took it personally, well, I doubt I could deal with it. There are people out there with some sort of overlap between you and them, see if you can make this something. You need to view rejection as just a minor inconvenience. Move on. I see so many men who refuse to do the footwork to get this off the ground, and of those who do, I see many who display disturbing behavior over rejection. It is no wonder why women are scared to give definite answers, hand out fake phone numbers, and lie to create an exit for so many interactions.
Small talk is the gateway to real conversation. Finding places people go to socialize while doing a particular thing provides an immediate ice breaker, ie "Hey, I am new here, how long have you guys been doing this?", as well as a topic to discuss. Rejection isn't to be taken personally the vast majority of the time. Working on improving yourself is very important. Always be looking for things to improve on, discuss it. These places of interest are not obvious because society has decided you need to pay simply to be human these days, but unless you live in the middle of nowhere, there are things going on out there. Often these interest groups will meet at a designated house. If you can't find one that you enjoy, go to one based on something you have not done before. Tell people you aren't just new to the group, but to the whole thing. Get conversation off the ground by asking about the topic. You can make good friends from places created to do things you aren't really interested in. What I would do is if I can't find something that fits my interests, I look for things that are interests with a lot of cross over between that, and people who are interested in something I enjoy.
If you live in the middle of nowhere, and you are unhappy, and isolated, do anything to move away from that. It won't be easy, and it won't be comfortable, and it will be anxiety inducing, but that is all part and parcel of life. It sucks. Moving to places, and traveling is it's own set of skills. People who don't really do that, at least not often, can get overwhelmed with it. When I say anything I mean it. Sure, don't like do something particularly dangerous, but it will have to become a singular goal you spend your time working towards. Living in a tiny rural area, where you have no friends, no interests, and you are isolated, is a death sentence. Not always literally, but internally. This tiny place is what it is, and if there is nothing for you, it is to small to change in a way that will work for you. You need to get out.
If your work/life balance is way out of whack, you will need to put a lot of effort into changing that. I spent a lot of time working 70+ hour weeks. It was literally killing me. I began spending the very little personal time I had looking for work that gave me some hope of having a life. I would have to make a lot of material sacrifices, as I would make significantly less, but the restructuring of my life, in that direction, was the only way I could avoid dying from stress in my office. This shit sucked, and ultimately my life collapsed, but that is a whole other story. Point being, if you have no life because you work all the time, that shit needs to change, and it isn't going to be easy.
All of these things are skills, you need to practice them by doing them, and you need to learn how to accept failure, and course correction. You may also have depression, or other psych issues, and need therapy. Depending on where you are this can go from "well it's there" to "this is an expensive luxury". There is no real good answer here. Giving any real advice would require knowledge of all the things going on with you to make any type of recommendation.
Agreed.