Jenniferrr

I have advice if you want it (if you're looking for a subtle girl mode) But mine is maybe somewhat unique to my body type which is like, athletic/heavy inverse triangle lol

Our local pride is bootlicker shit too. I went to another pride in a neighboring city and a bunch of cops and military. Ugh gross

Yeah I couldn't deal with that. I would say pretty much I've been watching ufc with mostly women for the last like 4 years. The one cis guy that we regularly watched with a few years ago would say lowkey transphobic and misogynistic stuff. This was before I was trans and before I made a bunch of trans friends but it would still piss me off so bad

Is this real???

Color??

So I have slowly been building a very trans and queer friend group in my city. It's been going so well. It was my birthday recently and I held a little birthday get together at my house and 9 people came (to watch UFC no less!). I gotta say it's pretty fun watching MMA with a bunch of trans women (none of them are into MMA at all.. lol). Then we went out to some bars. It was fun. Good birthday.

As a seperate comment I have been holding PPV watch parties at my place with all my trans friends for the last like 5 months and it has been so much fun. I'm so suprised how many actually show up. It is WAY more fun watching it with women than with men, honestly. When I used to watch with some men it was always... shitty. The vibe of watching with women is so much better

Rumination is my main compulsion, as well as obsessively researching and Googling to sooth my fears. Usually when I get stuck in these loops I am stuck for 3-5 hours before I can pull myself out :(

And yeah its a process I really hope so too though :/

Yeah I've been trying to identify ego dystonic feelings to identify what is OCD and what isn't (this only works so much though because the more I think about it the more I can't identify what's real and what isnt).

But I definitely am way more scared I'm cis than I am scared that I'm gonna have to continue living as a trans woman. Like I want to live as a trans woman, I want to be a woman. My fears are really that I'm not going to be able to for whatever reason and then I'll have to detransition. Which is a pretty trans fear to have also. Like it would be logistically way easier for me to be cis and live as a cis man forever. The world would be set up for me.

Slippery

So i did get an apology from the person and i legit forgive her. But liek, it still doesnt change the fact that this is how im seen. Im just seen as a guy, probably by everyone. I get he/him'd when im in makeup and wearing a dress. I think it's just my vibe or something idk. Im more masculine than i see myself in my head. It is what it is.

And as for the reason i transitioned. It's a bit tough because I'm only now kinda coming to the realization that I have some form of OCD. This is super confusing because I've had intrusive thoughts and anxieties my entire life. And I've had a lot of self realization s that all feel the same at the beginning- they feel like anxiety. I've had multiple of these where like, I thought I was mentally handicapped, I thought I was gay (I am gay In a Bi way, and I figured that out, so I was kinda right), I thought I was a psychopath (I'm not but I couldn't get it out of my head).

Then I thought I was trans (I think I am..) I have had more of these that I know are false but like, it throws any ability to do self realization out the window because I can't trust my own brain, wants, feelings, etc. Like, what if being trans was just an intrusive thought and I ran with it? It could be that being cis is my actual obsession that I can't get out of my head, I deeply am afraid that I am cis, but like also everyone around me just ends up seeing me as a guy, so maybe they're right? Its all so confusing. I just want my brain to calm down :(

That sucks so hard. I am incredibly lucky that my job doesn't give a fuck what I wear, so it's strictly gender neutral clothing items. Also that sounds kinda like sex discrimination from a law POV

I know what you mean. I work hybrid but still. Is such a confusing experience, although I've been wearing women's jeans and hoodies to work and my hair down. Honestly people still just see me as a man though