Huldra

A nonreligious friend commented "should the catholic church be more democratic?" and I mean, Im no theologist but that sounds like basically protestantism again.

In Trigun theres a guy who walks around with a massive crucifix that is both a holster for 4 separate handguns, as well as a combination machine gun and rocket launcher.

Its funny that marxism has its own "why has the egg timer on the state being abolished not ran out yet?" discourse but with the NEP instead.

If you think its idealist to set an egg timer for one of these then doing it for the other should also be that, its both or neither IMO.

This is stupid but I'm like genuinely shocked and baffled that they have an origin story for Jon and Garfield where Jon feeds him for the first time.

And its fucking pepperoni pizza? Like I fully expected there to be some Garfield bible on this where his first meal together was lasagna, and even if not how can you not make it lasagna? Its literally his whole thing beyond mondays and being lazy.

The visual parts are just Fincher by the numbers, nothing spectacular.

The dialogue is heinous, just truly unacceptably embarrassing for even like a first film. The narration never gets any better, he keeps repeating the same dumb bullshit "no empathy no remorse always have a plan" shit, sprinkled in with sigma male tweets about "living with the normies"(verbatim). The character dialogue is what you would write if you were writing a skit or pastiche about assassin crime thrillers but without any particular irony behind it, just absolutely dreadful. The only time it becomes compelling is when Tilda Swinton drags the film into adequacy by the sheer force of being a good actress delivering mid dialogue.

The pacing doesnt get any better really, it just chugs along at a sleepy pace, Guillermo Del Toro somehow called the film breezy and that makes me feel legitimately just gaslighted at.

Theres one fight scene that is comically out of place and over the top, its like if you've seen one of those John Wick 7 clips where he gets thrown down a minutes worth of stairs or theres a hallway of a dozen glass cases on each side, and the villain throws him into each one, one by one, slowly. Just baffling really.

The main character just sucks, he has no character. He has a girlfriend that sets off the whole plot of the film when she gets hurt but we literally only see her after she has already been hurt and then at the epilogue. A competent filmmaker would have either made a point to show us that they love each other and create emotional resonance for her getting hurt, or hammer home that mr killer man is an emotionless freak, but Fincher does neither.

At the end of the film the killer guy decides to not be a The Killer anymore and to stop killing, but theres literally no buildup to him deciding to do that, he just does it*. People keep making grand claims that this is about corporatism and the gig economy but I have no idea where they would come to that conclusion except if they decided to take artistic value from the gig economy advertising all over the film. Theres nothing about the main character that makes him seem like a gig economy guy, he's at peak physical health, he has a cool house, cool gf, cool everything, he's not a gig economy serf by literally any stretch of the imagination.

* There are in the most technical sense scenes that could be construed as being about convincing The Killer to stop killing, but in a film that has constant internal monologue narration, the narration doesnt spend a second to actually dwell on those scenes, its either Mr The Killer repeating his assassin mantras, or doing sigma male thinking. It doesnt work, if you are so gauche as to put a voice over narrative monologue in your film you cant hide character development outside of the monologue without very careful body language and other storytelling to counter the monologue.

Remember that netflix docu series about the tsar family where they intercut a recreation of their execution with a historian calling it(paraphrased) the most hideous and bestial crime of the 20th century?

You'll be happy to know theres also an extended and shameless amazon advertisement like one and a half hours later where the guy orders like pen-tester gear from amazon and picks it up from one of those big rows of dropboxes with a huge amazon logo on it.

Yeah, Fincher making the movie version of coloring within the lines.

This is like if John Wick was cringe and also didnt have even half as many stunts.

But I did laugh once.

The Killer has an amazing combination of the most low effort crime thriller dialogue imaginable and pure reddit tier pseudointellectual narration.

Its almost enough to make it dogshit in an interesting way but it's a fucking struggle just getting through the first quarter, its stylized in a way that doesn't actually make it particularly interesting or unique, that sounds stupid but its the only way I can think of to describe the vibe of the visual parts of it.

Not that I wanna endorse French pedos but it's astounding to me how fucking boring Michael Fassbender is being compared to like Leon the Professional, like do some weirdo shit, drink milk whatever.

For a second when he dressed up in his weird getup I thought that was gonna be him being a freak but instead he explains in the same INTJ ass tone that actually he's dressed like a specific German tourist he saw once in London and this is perfect camo for being among the Parisians. Its just one long masturbation session in the form of narration.

Edit: Oh this hitman listens to cool bops? No actually he explains that its to help him focus and not get distracted, dont mistake him for liking things.

First 10 minutes are feeling longer than all of Killers of the Flower Moon, is this dull asshole gonna do pseudointellectual nihilism narration the whole film?