HexaSnoot

Looks fun. Where can I find a free online copy?

It is pretty. It taught me a little more than I knew before. I didn't know why they were called Soviets. Does that mean there was a Soviet leader for each council? It's silly, but I thought about Soviet leaders more in terms of great man theory.

Where can I find Philosophy Friends Marx Monkey?

Just read Yertle the Turtle by Dr Seuss. I already read of the Speeches. Thanks.

I'm considering larping. Do you have any suggestions for getting over the dumb themes of feudalism that'll probably be involved? I'm worried I'll want to roll my eyes at that.

It'll be easier if participants already know feudalism is stupid. Like the more positive Warhammer fans who find the fascism in Warhammer hilarious. I'm guessing self awareness varies from person to person.

Hating is the only thing that's taken me out of paralysis and led me hitting for real. Instead of with crooked wrists. It would start my progress to what you're saying, but hate also seems unsustainable for me because I experience it as an intense burst of energy that feels scary for me. So aside from hate, I need an alternate fuel for training.

True revenge does not come through satisfying a primal desire for retribution and vengeance

That's true for me. At best, imaginary vengeance could only be deemed as good enough for my present goals. In reality, I could never do my desire. Which is to make things to have never had happened in the first place. But no one can give that to me. So I just fantasize throwing my trauma out my head and into theirs for them to keep and suffer from. That's impossible too. I think my best outlet is using hate to fuel training for self defense and a safe form of self expression.

i don't remember exactly the title i'm thinking of, but Black Against Empire is great, or maybe it was Against Civility.

Reading the summaries, it could be either. Lemme know if you find out.

I feel like when i was stuck in feeling frozen from PTSD, i wouldn't even let myself feel anger because it was too dangerous for me, so maybe you're in the same place? Yeesh i'm terrible at this.

No you're not terrible at this. You have reasonable thoughts from experience. Anger does feel dangerous for me. I've only thrown real hits in the middle of being high on hate.

If you can't imagine hurting them over self-defense, maybe try imagining hurting them over some imagined defense of others.

Its hard to picture. I haven't been in situations where they're hurting anyone else in front of me. Just me and myself getting harmed.

They are far away, but the threat that they'll be back soon always seems near. Maybe it's just CPTSD though

I find hate and anger lead people in to fights they can't win or that won't lead them to victory.

Right. If I'm in a hate contest, the other party could easily win. Theirs is natural to them, and my hate is a spurt of energy that ends. I posted because I realize having endless compassion is unsustainable.

At the same time, hate is the only thing that got me to do real punches... But I do go back to giving them compassion again whenever I stop hating them.

Hating is energy intensive if you pair it with appeasing, which I've done. Rapidly switching between fantasies born of hate and fantasies born of fearful appeasing is intense. If I need to learn hate, I need to also find a way to take a calm break.

If you were a slave, and I were your master, and the only way for you to be free were to strike your blow to kill me, what would you do?

That does help start my imagination where I imagine being a slave starting my escape. Doesn't matter if you feel compassion for the slave owner. The option to end slavery is as simple as that.

I understand applying this logic for other people, but I do not understand it well for me. I was told it's because I do not give myself the compassion I give to others. That's the effect of me being in victimized positions before. Perhaps I should listen to more Kwame.

The #Metoo movement was really good for me. I got to be less isolated and more supported

I looked at the timeline. It makes me feel a little better to reframe it as "only Taiwan got taken."