GoddessGundy

In this atmosphere they can absolutely get away with it because there are so many bigger problems that aren't even getting attention.

I'd like to reference the gift card scam so many people dealt with in the early 2000s. You buy a gift card at a store with real, cold hard cash and it would expire after 6 months-2 years. No matter how much was on that gift card, it was null and void after a finite amount of time.

Legislation finally went through after way too long, and finally businesses had to honor gift cards for a much longer period of time.

I'd love to think one day they'd put a kebosh on advertising like this but unfortunately I'm very certain it will go on un-addressed for far too long. Our current society favors caveat emptor over caveat venditor.

I just wrote my comment on this particular issue. I had a coworker complain that I made more than them and Boss tried to shame me for it.

Weirdly though I became the manager at my next place and had no problem sitting someone down and telling them why they weren't making as much as their counterparts and when they'd get their scheduled raise and how they could improve and possibly get a bonus raise based purely on merit.

Some people get salty, some people rise to the occasion. The ones that rise to the occasion are dedicated, they're receptive to constructive criticism and eager to show you they want to improve. It's just as much a breathe of fresh air for me to see them so happy that they actually got a raise and I wasn't just blowing smoke up their asses as it was for them to actually get a raise.

After two raises to two different people I had shown my owner that his money was being put to good use because we got long standing, dedicated employees that went above and beyond. He never questioned it again after that when I proposed a raise for a coworker. Good man, and a good team.

I've basically made a career out of serving and bartending. I took a 5 year break to do the stay at home mom thing but my first job getting back into it loved me at first.

It was a very interesting dynamic because it was my first job outside the city I grew up in but it was like riding a bike and I picked it up and immediately impressed them on the first night I was only supposed to be training.

Problem was was that they started firing my coworkers for the most questionable reasons. Then the trophy wife owner would show up to every court hearing for unemployment with forged signatures on their "policy handbook". A lot of underhanded tactics were used. One of my very good friends was fired on his birthday.

But everytime they'd give me a raise to placate me so I wouldn't leave. I could write a novel about that place because that's how my mind works but I won't.

Long story short, I responded to a server/bartender Facebook group at one point and mentioned my hourly for serving and for bartending. A coworker happen to see my comment and must have complained. (She couldn't have ever earned the raises I got even if I got them on merit, but she's a squeaky wheel and sits on a stool when her patrons need their beverages refreshed and plates cleared)

Boss lady made the mistake of messaging me that "it was agreed that you would not talk about your pay" which wasn't true. She'd whisper to me that I got another raise but never actually said not to say anything, and also- you don't get to dictate what I speak about on my own personal Facebook account.

I removed my comment just to unruffle feathers however I saved my boss's message and linked her the exact federal/state article that forbids her from reprimanding me.

That's when they tried to get me for minor shit. It was absolutely transparent what they were doing but I recorded everything and kept track of dates, times, incidents, message screenshots.

I saw the writing on the wall though and there was another place that had been wanting to poach me for a good while.

I was planning on fighting them earnestly for unemployment and take a month or two off before I started with the new place but they got desperate when their daytime bartender left so I got matching wages if I put my two weeks in and started ASAP so I did.

It was an absolute blessing. That next place treated me well and I was there for about 6 years until they closed their doors for good. Still miss them. I would have missed my old bosses too, if they didn't try to do dirty the way they did because I genuinely loved them and I wish there wasn't that bad blood. I don't regret anything though. They brought it on themselves being so two faced and underhanded.

I threw up in my mouth a little bit. I wanna punch this dude and dedicate my effort to his poor wife.

Naw. I hear it all the time as a bartender. I think self deprecating humor is the outward intent. (Make the lady laugh)

But there's another motive. Manage expectations: If they do happen to see your junk, they'll be impressed because they assumed you weren't lying.

And if you don't mind me sharing all my side thoughts, let's be real here. A dude can make your night with three inches and a dude can ruin your night with 8. Size is only just one of many variables when it comes to sexual compatibility but it's one of the most popular that society focuses on.

I also don't know why this is being coached as a gay vs straight thing because in my little bubble of anecdotal evidence, my non-straight friends/gamer friends/customers/coworkers/family focus more on size than their straight counterparts do. But they use the same fucked up humor! Honestly, they can tend towards more raunchy and uncouth humor, which I happen to love. It's to the point where I've grouped many of my facebook friends into their own separate group that I'll post to so as to not offend or traumatize some of my young and old friends and family.

The straights are OK. At least the same as they always have been. We're all a little fucked up, but that goes for everyone.

I happen to find self deprecating humor funny.

I wouldn't be funny at all without it. Gives us a break, sheesh.

They just forgot that /s

I really appreciate this perspective and it really does shine light on how one is raised based on their gender. I can think of a multitude of examples from your perspective and also from who you are responding to.

I'm absolutely positive that, regardless of how hard I tried not to, I did raise my son and daughter differently. All I hope is that I did a little better than my parents did for me and my brothers and, should they have kids themselves, my children do a little better than I did, and so on and so forth.

Today is not that day but maybe when I'm dust, society will slowly limp along and evolve. Conversations like this may seem divisive now but I think they're needed in the grand scheme of things.

Maaaan. Why'd you have to go and do that? I was nodding my head at your words until you clarified it's the woman folks fault.

You immediately made yourself a part of the gender war shenanigans with everything you said right after.

Men do shitty things. Women do shitty things. That's it. There are always exceptions to the rule, there are always stereotypes that too many don't fall into. The bad apple stick out because they upset you and the memory sticks. We all come across asshole every day.

I want to give you a hug honestly. And that's not being sarcastic or condescending. I just got off work and as much as I want to say what I want to say to this type of talk, I don't. It does no good.

Having a good talk, sharing a drink or a smoke together and hugging/fist bumping/offering my jukebox credits is way better than man hating just because I deal with assholes all day. So I'm offering my last hug of the day to you because I'm sure you don't truly believe the woman here was speaking against you specifically or even every man she's ever encountered.

Men aren't the devil incarnate. Neither are women, though.

I will happily let someone go on about something that excites them because I get it. I feel like there are at least two different points being made here and each camp will not listen to the other.

I will hide out in my studio sometimes to get peace from my boyfriend. It's not that I don't love him. I adore him!! He's treated me better than any other man I've been with.

But we don't have conversations. It's a long standing issue with us that we are always working on. I listen to his monologues. Even if he has good intentions and asks about my day, most times I can't get even halfway through something I need to share off my chest before it distracts him and I'm listening to him for 3 hours. Sometimes he'll even ask, "you know what I mean?" "You get where I'm coming from?" And I'll take a breathe to speak aaaaand shut my mouth on it because he doesn't wait for a response.

It can be overwhelming but we talk about it respectfully in the end. I lie, sometimes I get overwhelmed and exasperated. Then he will knock or text me to talk things out. Sometimes he gets upset when I need alone time and then I go to him and we talk. We ultimately apologize to each other. He's an amazing man and he calls me his goddess. We put up with each other's bullshit because we are both imperfect and still come back together in the end and absolutely adore each other.

The difference in this particular post though, is my spouse wouldn't respond the way this dude did. Then again, I don't hinge my entire opinion on what woman on the internet says and what another man responds to it with. The warp and weft of gender, sexism, and neurodivergence, cannot be wrapped into one neat package of absolutes.

Everyone has their opinions but they can also all be at least a little right.

How many women are? They have been notoriously under diagnosed, so what? We still have to live and adapt to this world, regardless.

I got my autism diagnoses at 39 years of age. Not that it does any good besides validating many of my lived experiences.

Consider how many women are ND and have been forced fed the notion that we must sit down, shut up, focus, stay on task, do our duties, be strong women, never rock the boat, never be weird, keep a clean home, raise our children right, get paired with the ND boys in class who do actually get diagnosed so as to keep them on task, understand that boys will be boys ad nauseum.

If I could adapt without any sympathy others can, too, man or woman. Communication is practiced. It must be nurtured from a young age regardless of any roadblocks you're born with or born to.

What I noticed was that most of my best friends were diagnosed. We clicked not only because we were similar but also because my teachers paired me with them and it brought us closer for it. Meanwhile, I struggled in school myself. I also had to hold the hands of my friends and be their keepers. It makes me upset that they had extra help while more responsibility was foisted on me when I needed help myself and never got it.

How am I a bartender who can absolutely relate to what she is saying and how he responded while still, also, being ND myself? Is it any wonder I never went into secondary schooling with the experience I had from grade school to highschool?

One of my patrons is so much further on the spectrum than I and I would never condescend to her while she is speaking about anything. I'm truly happy to hear about anything she has to talk about.

But if someone, man or woman, comes into my establishment and spoke to me in the same vein he is, I'd respond the same way she did because that response is something I learned to adapt to my surroundings regardless of a diagnosis.

He fell right into a trap she set and he did it all by himself by typing it out and hitting send. If he's eloquent enough to respond the way he did, he's deserving of the answer he got. There is no excuse here that would make me forgive his response.

If you're going to use your diagnosis as a crutch, be off with you. You can disagree, but not anywhere in this little text post is there any indication that he even is NB in the first place.

What she was saying is something that women struggle with NB or not. Men also have their own struggles. Both are valid and there's no reason to be defensive about her response unless you're guilty of doing it yourself. But then you're just projecting.

She was being sardonic. He was being defensive, borderline hostile. This observation is subjective, I know.

When I'm unsure, I just ask. Like this: Are you being sarcastic or satirical right now or or are you being a Shawn?