Dude, fucking same. One tip from above I want to do is repeat your lie ad nauseum so you begin to believe your lies.
I swore to return to college and finish my CS degree but I'm going to pepper my github with a LOT of projects that I "made" by just copying youtube lol. That, and I have a cousin and an old acquaintance that work at Microsoft so when I do that I'll be a nepo hir...I mean, "network" for the job and make sure to exaggerate a little on my resume. Add an extra year to your old job, throw in a random job duty. It's not your fault porky is too picky to hire people these days.
What do 15-minute cities have to do with this? Might has well say that the legalization of gay marriage hypnotizes people into stealing if you're going to go full non-sequitur.