Yes comrade, and the month after that Putin, having completely taken over Ukraine somehow and then inevitably sent its whole population on a one-way trip to Siberia, will use his icebreaker fleet and what’s left of his navy to liberate Alaska’s 5 ethnic Russians, immediately decimating our they/them army before they even get there by simply being straight so that within mere hours they secure the entire state and, after inevitably wiping out the native Alaskans and all of Anchorage’s gays, hold a free and fair referendum where 109% of the remaining population votes to form the Alyeska People’s Republic. Then they’ll somehow sneak past the narrow and well-guarded Puget Sound without getting hit by missiles from a mountain or running aground in the fog and then create the Sietl People’s Republic (all without having their cheap uniforms soaked in the rain and dying of pneumonia), gobbling up all those tech and airplane manufacturing secrets (so we can finally see actual innovation without capitalistic monopolies yay!) and going on yet another homophobic killing spree, this time spanning several cities. The PNW shall be free from capitalistic US tyranny!!!1
Meanwhile, China will claim that since Hawaiians are descended from Taiwanese aborigines, it historically owns Hawaii; the american-mainland-hating locals will defs be on board with another continental imperialist stealing their land and turning it into a state-sized tourist resort again- this time peppered with a few boarding schools and sterilizations. It will be the beginning of the end for the American Empire™, I can’t wait!
/s
Thank you so much, it’s like the Winter Solstice came early! They’re literally a bunch of sweaty, genocide-loving neckbeards who never outgrew the college commie phase crying about how hard and unfair their upper-class suburban lives are under (their idea of) capitalism and how North Korea is secretly a paradise because “something something healthcare that probably exists there”- all from the $3000 computer whose SSD made by abused children in Taiwan has 694.20 gigabytes of porn (shot by and starring filthy-rich adult content creators), in the comfort of their septuagenarian mothers’ basements on her personal, private property in Washington State- all made possible by capitalism. And they think they’d be better off under a system that would actually ship them off to die in Alaska on day one, instead of giving them a high rank and a state-issued bride. (But we Washingtonians don’t claim them)
I’m honestly surprised they had to cheer on the murder of innocent children in Israel for you guys to do this for us, when they’d spent months being all “ackchyually the Holodomor didn’t happen but I hope it happens again because daddy putin says all Ukrainians are nazis, therefore it must be true and they’d deserve it!!1”