A disability doesn't improve with medicine.
I think I understand what you're saying, but disabilities can absolutely improve with meds. Not all of them, and not all the time, but it sounds like that's what your ex-wife's experience was. She had disabling conditions, but it was more manageable when she took her meds. Despite this, there are aspects of her disability which were (are?) still challenging.
To me, THAT'S the experience which defines disability: you've got a condition which, despite yours and your doctor's best efforts, continues to express itself. And even then, I can see a lot of potential issues using that definition in terms of government support. It's compicated.
Totally fair, my friend. You do you, but know that from the outside looking in, it seems like you're putting a lot of additional pressure on yourself to reach "perfection". Only you can know if this approach is working for you, regardless of the various labels society is trying on at this time.
I saw you got a lot of downvotes, but to me you are asking the same questions as the rest of us. If your experience is downvoted, don't worry about it. These things are totally subjective, nuanced to talk about, and there isn't 1 single "correct" universal answer. I personally benefitted from listening to the Anxious Overachiever podcast, which helped me realise that people in positions I percieve to be successful are struggling as hard as I do sometimes.
I appreciate you sharing your experience and broadening the discussion π