Fully agree.
History is made by the people, and under constant threat of being stolen by the ruling class.
We must firmly keep what is ours, and keep its memories alive and well lest we fall to the same mistakes, cruelties, and hopelessness the autocrats try to impose.
I admit I skimmed your account and maybe “pretend” isn’t quite the right word for what you’re saying?
Putting yourself in the mindset of “maybe I am” and unmasking, and that feels authentic, seems to be my understanding of what you’ve written in context.
But this is above Lemmy’s paygrade. Unfortunately the only way to be 100% sure is to get a diagnosis, which can be very difficult financially/logistically.
Even if you are or aren’t autistic, if you do find that coping behaviors, interests etc. that are often associated with the autistic community work for you and make you feel like yourself then I personally would say that’s okay.
The human brain is a weird thing and neurotypes are all over the place. Being ND isn’t just autism so you may find kinship with other communities too. Keep an open mind.