BeckyStjerne

The doctors say I'm fine but I'm kinda chubby and I have big hips. Everyone says it makes me conventionally attractive and that men are gonna "go crazy" over me (I already have a bf and gf as I'm in an open relationship) but I hate it. They want me to be this long-haired, big-hipped beautiful woman but honestly, I kinda hate my big hips. Like, yeah, I look pretty but I can't fit into any of my pants after a while!!!

And I have been working out and stuff but I think the pills I take help make me fat so...

So I have the first generation of iPads from about 16 years ago. It's jailbroken and I'm wondering what I can use it for and what I can do on it and with it. Does anyone have any suggestions?

I’m bored, so I’m charging my ~16-year-old iPad from when I was really young. You can ask me stuff about it or just talk about your old electronics :)

For those who didn't click the link, it's the scene where Squidward says "Too bad that didn't kill me". That's how I feel today, but I'm feeling a bit better :)

My mom is definitely center or left-of-center, and my sister is for sure a leftist, but besides that, not a one of my family members is leftist. They’re all right-wingers. I mean, some of my grandpa’s sisters, my aunts, are DEMOCRATS, but they’re very transphobic, which my Grandpa congratulates them for. My grandpa is hugely right-wing. My grandma is also right-wing, likely anti-immigration, but gets mad when Grandpa criticizes the left, so she might at least be more liberal than Grandpa but not a complete liberal/leftist. If liberal right-wingers exist, she could be that but IDK, I’m not very political.

Even my cousins are extremely right-wing. The boy is 13, constantly making fun of gay and trans people and bashing immigrants/Democrat politicians, whereas the girl (~18) isn’t really homophobic, and she certainly isn’t racist as she herself is black and has been discriminated against, but she is openly a conservative Republican as that’s what she believes. IDK her views on trans people, she probably finds them “goofy” though. She believes in capitalism like her mom, that hard work pays off, and that respect should be earned.

I saw something saying Norway is not for everyone because they only like immigrants from their country or something, whereas I've seen a post on Polish people too being very blunt, rude, (though not all of them are like that, obviously), and against immigration. I've seen several posts from Polish people on Reddit hating on immigrants, though I haven't seen it much with Norwegians, and the Norwegians I talk to on the Fediverse are always friendly

So my dad claims that he loves Europe because only white people live there, and it's just so wrong, there are plenty of other skin colors and backgrounds in Europe. Just take a look at this video I found about being black in Norway.

The teachers didn't know how to deal with me in elementary school. They treated me like someone with a disease they needed to stay the hell away from. They yelled at me when I had meltdowns and would drag me by the collar of my hoodie to the principal's office, constantly handing out referrals whenever I would cry for "disruptive behavior". I remember once, this one girl tripped and fell and started crying, but when I yelled "OW" and skinned my knee, the P.E. teacher wrote my full name on the board and said "Don't be so dramatic today like this kid."

Then, at my next elementary school, they would constantly not believe me when I got bullied and would yell at me. I also disregarded rules a lot as a child as I didn't see a need for them and liked to play around with stuff and got screamed at rather than understood.

In middle school, the teachers were okay, but the kids treated me like an outsider, a sub-human.

I notice this especially with my Norwegian learning. People are rude, call me names, or make fun of me on Reddit for using the wrong word or "en" vs "et" or using a direct translation because I don't know how they say it in Norwegian, like saying somethng like «Ingen av bedriften din!» instead of «Dette er ikke din sak» (according to the casual version of Bing Translate) whereas a Norwegian-speaking Fediverse member would just say something like "You're doing good, but it's actually _____."

And it's always the same, AI-slop looking ad. I don't even know if I have sleep apnea, I just snore really loud sometimes cuz of my sinus issues.

I had this one friend named "Samantha", I'll call her. She is a year younger than me but she skipped a grade so we were both in eighth grade last year. She was the "new girl" in fifth grade and we instantly hit it off. She, back then, asked me out and we started dating. Now, we were immature and we broke up since the relationship was toxic, as I had a stubborn, rude personality and she had a sarcastic, mean, and biting one, like saying "Well duh, you think?"/"You're so dumb"/"You'll never survive without me, because you're like a kid" (because of my autism). I was a kid, but that was beside the point. I'm still a kid, I'm only 15.

Anyway, Samantha used to be this energetic lesbian who quoted movies and memes all the time and became a super Christian straight girl who wants a Christian husband and Christian kids. She used to give me stuff all the time, and while she would still hang out with my bullies, even stood up for me despite thinking I was "annoying". However, whenever I talked to her or asked if she wanted to talk, she said "no", so i stopped talking to her because she said she didn't want to because she was always busy.

Well, Samantha became discriminatory, though not as much as the others, due to the crowd she hung out with. They all despised me because I was different. She was pretty anti-transition too and claimed the time where she used to be a lesbian and later a trans boy was "just a phase".

Here's what I have trouble with. They would always run up to each other and join conversations with each other, but it was somehow not okay when I did the same thing? One time, Samantha's best friend "Lia" told me Samantha was upset, but when I asked why, she said "MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS IDIOT! SERIOUSLY, YOU'RE JUST A BRAT PEOPLE PRETEND TO FEEL BAD FOR!!!" and proceeded to say mean things behind my back, thinking I couldn't hear, to Lia.

My family said that's not "just mad" behavior, and that's how someone who hates you acts.

No matter what, I cannot seem to adhere to unwritten rules for things. Everything has to be laid out step-by-step and clearly for me like I'm a robot or something. I hate it. I sometimes can't process language of any kind, not even my own native English to the point where people think I'm a second language speaker.

I can't fit in to any social media, it feels like, except my own communities. I got banned from Reddit once before making a new account and they didn't even tell me why, I just didn't stick to their rules and I don't know exactly the threshold or what the unwritten rules are unless I'm given that super clearly.

I feel like a dumb, beat-up dog. I always have felt that way.

I never fit in at school either. When I talk and try to make friends, I should "mind my own business" and I'm too loud and talkative. When I don't talk at all, I don't get bullied but no one notices me and I'd rather have negative attention than no attention.

People say that I think it's all about me, and whenever I try to find an outlet to express myself, I get called an attention-seeker by people. My therapist says I'm not a narcissist just because I want an outlet and attention, but other people would beg to differ.

Luckily, my friends are all neurodivergent as are my boyfriend and girlfriend who love me. My family doesn't have views I agree with, but they love me too.

I only seem to fit in on my own communities I make, such as my Learn Norwegian community and my Small talk one in Norwegian (Småprat)