Bat

being trans is generally cool and interesting, most of the stuff that sucks about being trans is the fault of the society we live in, instead.

This has kind of been the opposite of my experience. Yeah my parents are transphobic pieces of shit, but like 90% of the people I deal with outside of them are very nice about me being trans and gender me correctly and use my name once I tell them. The shit that makes me want to pluck my eyes out is when I look in the mirror. I hate my body I hate my rib cage I hate my wide-ass shoulders I hate having a dick I hate existing in this body

Why should anyone's opinion of you matter?

I'm so worried about being judged and I constantly torment myself thinking about what other people think of me. I'm so afraid that by being visibly and openly trans that I make other people uncomfortable and making other people uncomfortable is like my biggest fear

It seems to me like you really hate yourself over not passing and not feeling like a woman, which you'll probably need to root out in order to stop being embarrassed over this.

True I do hate myself but I have no idea how to root that out. I have no idea how to be okay with what I am

Asking people to call me my preferred name or to use she/her actually embarrasses me and makes me cringe on the inside. Getting misgendered or deadnamed feels one thousand times worse but getting gendered correctly still feels bad. I don't have this problem online though and to the people I know there I don't feel this kind of shame, I guess it's probably because they can't see what I look like and for all they know I pass but to people in person it is abundantly clear that I do not

I want to be a woman, but I do not feel like one at all, and asking people to call me one makes me feel like an imposter and so uncomfortable

Whenever I'm in a situation where everyone says their pronouns I want to rip all my skin off and die. I don't want someone she/her-ing me because I told them to do that, I want them to she/her me because they actually genuinely think that it fits me