AcidSmiley

There's nothing to be gained, but coming out is hard af when you haven't done it before. Also there's some contexts (especially work and family) where people can really struggle with coming out even when everybody else already knows and it's getting super obvious what is going on. Edit: In some cases, it can also be downright dangerous to come out because it has material consequences such as unemployment or being kicked out and becoming homeless. People need time (and support) to prepare for worst case scenarios.

Reminder to all cishets not to pressure people into coming out. We need to do this at our own pace and when we're fine with it.

TBH i don't even want kids, but i'm not gonna pass on these free abortions.

And making out with my cute friends if they're into that (they are).

Yeah, i get that it's tough for a lot of people to come out, i have friends in similar situations and it hurts to see what they go through. Thing is, when they say a closet ain't a place to live, they're 100% correct. You have to decide for yourself when to take these steps, these are issues that affect your safety and your sense of readyness and we can't judge either of that, but at some point, you will need to come out and you will need to start transitioning. This stuff just doesn't go away when you've known this for years and all the issues you describe are typical for being unouted and untransitioned. I wish you all the strength you need for this and for the struggles ahead of you. Let me just tell you that it's worth it and that your best days are still ahead of you.

I'm very afraid of losing her as she's straight. She has, however, said in the past that she'd be okay with dating someone that transitions during a relationship (which i found a bit suspicious as it made me think she'd seen something over my shoulder on my phone).

A lot of people already have a hunch before we start transitioning. A lot of my friends told me that they weren't surprised when i came out, and could give me examples for why they had a suspicion where i could only go "yeah, that's kinda obvious in hinsight". It's possible that she already knows, and if she makes remarks like that you should start coming out with her. This is a long process, you do not have to tell everybody at once. You can - and should- find a support network first before you tackle the difficult stuff like coming out at a conservative workplace.

As far as her being straight, that can mean a lot of things. There are couples that are just so close they move on to a lasting platonic relationship when transitioning means one partner no longer matches the other's preference. You're still the same person, after all. There are partners that, through the transition process, discover new sides of their sexuality. And there's partners that have no choice but breaking up, but even in that case at least everybody has been honest and fair and respected what the other partner needs for their life. Worst case is that people say they're supportive but then aren't. All of that happens.

Yeah i don't mind that either, what bothers me is that people assume it's what all of us would be into naturally, or that they would object to us getting bottom surgery, or when they disregard obvious dysphoria-induced discomfort. I get the appeal of a nice girldick, i love gock, but i always put the needs of the people i'm dating first. If she doesn't want to be touched below a point where her balls come into play, i'm not doing that, if she wants me to use certain terms for her parts, i always stick with these, if she tells me that she hopes HRT will shrink her giant girldick, i'm supportive instead of saying "but i love how thick and fuckhuge it is" even though i do love how thick and fuckhuge it is. Because i know that kind of pain and because i care. A lot of cis people don't, because to them we aren't people, but a porn genre.

People tell me to stop recommending transition as a cure for anything, but then they keep bringing up problems that can easily be solved by transitioning, it's not my fault.

also setting the planet on fire

yeah i love that, it's such a wonderfully stereotypical lesbian thirstypost.

Yeah, there's something that just sets chasers apart from all the general shittyness that women have to endure when dating men. I also agree with the meme's premise that cis lesbian chasers are very different from cis dude chasers. The lesbian gaze just works differently. When your way of desiring somebody is built around admiring and glorifying that somebody, the results are just different than when your way of desiring somebody is to reduce that somebody to a collection of body parts. That's not to say cis lesbians always act in that way, we've all grown up in a mysogynist culture that teaches the male gaze to all of us, lesbians whether cis or trans aren't immune to copying that mode of desire. It's also not to say that cis lesbians can't be objectifying and othering towards trans women, but i always get the impression that the problematic ones in that crowd simply lack the experience with and understanding of trans women instead of being as inherently bad as the guy chasers. idk, maybe i've just missed on the really bad lesbian chasers so far, but my own shitty experiences in that regard have been with dudes in spite of me mostly hanging out in queerfeminist spaces. The people everybody else tells horror stories about also tend to be guys. And this is by far not the first chaser meme i've come across, but the first one that even acknowledges lesbian chasing as a thing.

Chasers aren't just cissies who find us hot, everybody does that because we are hot, that's not chasing. Chasing is an implicitly transphobic form of fetishism. All trans people with some experience and a working self-preservation instinct avoid chasers because typical chaser behavior includes:

• aggressive flirting often bordering on sexual harassment, driven by the idea that it's ok to treat us like men, in this case meaning that it's ok to be sexually demanding and up-front towards us in ways that chasers would never show towards cis women

• emotional manipulation targeting specific weaknesses of trans people, such as playing on dysphoria-specific insecurities

• being ashamed of fucking us and not wanting to be seen with us in public

• wanting us to fulfill certain very specific sexual fantasies that frequently trigger our dysphoria (such as aggressively topping the chaser) or invalidate our gender identity (such as being "sissified" by the chaser)

• making demands to remain at a specific, fetishized transition stage which frequently includes trying to talk us out of surgeries that require year-long struggles to get them in the first place. A lot of chasers only care about the girldick, which is a real problem when you're a girl that absolutely needs to get her dick turned inside-out to get a nice neo-vagina.

Guy chasers: cool, a girl with a dick, i wonder if she'd pound me

Lesbian chasers: cool, a girl with a built-in strap, i wonder if she'd pick me up, throw me on the bed and pound me

t4t: OMG the way you touch me makes me feel as if it's already a clit how do you even do that hnnnnnnnngggajlknohbüoubnäbjkbuibkbkjjkbvhjlljhjl

wdym colon wall, you're aware there's trans women with vaginas, right?