chat

I want to add one thing: I have been abused by women my entire life. My mom abused me growing up, I was molested by my female cousin (however she was younger than me at the time (about 7) so I dont blame her - she was simply repeating what had happened to her), and then abused by my wife for almost 20 years.

It stinks. Everyone assumed my wife did all the parenting and housework when this was the opposite. Counselors would scold me for bringing up how my wife treated me and deny my abuse, etc. I also know multiple relationships personally where this is the case.

I know discussing men's issues often devolves into nonsense, I wish there was a better way to discuss things.

dating apps are quite literally designed to make you feel bad about yourself so that you pay for a better chance of getting matches, especially for straight men. you can completely ignore any impact it has on how you feel about yourself, it's literally just capital using your insecurities against you to say "fuck you, pay me." get away and stay away

you'll be alright though. give yourself time to heal and focus on making the most of the good attributes you listed about yourself. also, feeling better is not a linear process - some days you will feel like you're regressing, but that's ok. it's part of the process so try not to get down on yourself about it

Death to America

I think the dating app thing is a very common experience. I'd stay away from them until you're in a better place at least, if not entirely. Unfortunately it seems like the denial of abuse is common too but idk if I have anything meaningful to say about that besides "wow that sucks, I'm sorry."

I feel like I have a lot to offer. I'm funny, kind, smart, a talented musician/artist, I think I'm handdome even (can't post a pic obviously), but no one seems to care. It's like when I put my confidence to practice I get rejected and reminded why I shouldn't have any.

I feel this pretty hard. And I'm not even particularly talented lmao. I know this doesn't make it feel better, but it's not you, it's society. I mean yes, there's just meeting the right people and stuff too, but the current trajectory of society is so alienating, and treats everyone as so profoundly disposable and interchangeable, that I don't know how anyone manages. Many if not most people I know are struggling in similar ways.

To quote... someone, idk, it is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. Solidarity, friend

I spent so much of my life looking for love externally. Now, on my own, treating myself well I am having the time of my life. I now live in my car. I have lived in a tent, a teardrop trailer that was really just a bed in a box, a few years on a sailboat in the Gulf of Mexico, a giant Motoryacht, a truck camper and now a Chevy Astro. I am alone but not nearly as lonely as I have been in relationships. Life seems to be much longer now. I could go on. Treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated!

No real experience but from what I keep hearing, dating apps are hell holes that commodify your identity in a really ugly way. First you have to think of yourself as a product for sale and market yourself as such, then, thanks to the way discovery and interaction works you’ll will be made to feel inadequate as part of their process to convince you to pay for “advantages”.

If you can, find dating events happening in the real world where you see people face to face. Singles nights, speed dating, whatever else there is… it’s going to be less humiliating than apps that are designed to prey upon insecurity.

Also hobbies and causes are a great way to meet people and remind yourself there’s possibility and purpose to seize upon outside of your current personal microcosm.

i like you

I think a lot of us can relate to your experience. I have found a lot of people that seem to have borderline personality disorder, and are admired for it.