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Skip the fent- you already have a vice and fent overdoses are no fucking joke as I'm sure you know far better than me.
It sounds like you need another person in your life who's not this person. Someone who you can love. Someone who will love you back.
Also, there is at least one place in the world for you, and that's here. We welcome all comrades here 
Hey comrade, sounds like you're really going through it right now. Keep doing the best you can to take care of yourself okay? I know it can be impossible to see the other side of things like this but its there. Keep going comrade believe it or not you are an important part of this world too
I have literally never been happy.
That sounds really awful. There's still time though, as long as you're alive and doing your best there's still time
Learning I couldn't depend on other people to give me the closure or answers I needed was a difficult and painful time, and it sounds like it's hurting you too. I'm really sorry. 
I honestly don't remember the details here, but I'm sorry you're in pain. I care about you. I don't have any advice, but I'm wishing you the best.
Quote your post reminded me of:
"I have no more friends; I have nothing but accomplices. To make up for this, their number has increased; they are the whole human race. And within the human race, you first of all. Whoever is at hand is always the first. How do I know I have no friends? It’s very easy: I discovered it the day I thought of killing myself to play a trick on them, to punish them, in a way. But punish whom? Some would be surprised, and no one would feel punished. I realized I had no friends." – The Fall, Albert Camus