this post was submitted on 04 Mar 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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Anon is no angle (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 2 years ago by Gullible@sh.itjust.works to c/greentext@sh.itjust.works
22 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

>be me
>lifting in the garage
>mom walks in with a plate of tendies with chinese sauce
>always told mom to not to come to the garage while I lifted
>always told mom to never look me in my eyes while I lifted (its where my demons hide)
>she made eye contact
>the plate fell from her hands
>the young man she had been raising had turned into a FUCKED UP beast
>she covers her mouth with both her hands as she lets out a yelp
>turns around and runs away
>put the rusty barbell down
>calmly walk up to the mirror and smash it as I see the beast too
Gosh dang it /fit/, we were gonna go shopping this weekend. What do I do now?

all 23 comments
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[–] InfiniteStruggle@sh.itjust.works 5 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I can't say if this is satire.

[–] MrJameGumb@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago (3 children)

WTF is "Chinese sauce"?

[–] TxzK@lemmy.zip 6 points 2 years ago (1 children)

A sauce of Chinese origin one would assume

[–] MrJameGumb@lemmy.world 2 points 2 years ago (2 children)

As one might get with a succulent Chinese meal? At McDonald's???

[–] Klear@lemmy.world 0 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Localised entirely in your kitchen?!?

[–] EmoDuck@sh.itjust.works 1 points 2 years ago

And my axe!

[–] bionicjoey@lemmy.ca 0 points 2 years ago

Ah yes. I see you know your Judo well.

[–] Blue_Morpho@lemmy.world 2 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Szechuan sauce. Subtle Rick and Morty reference implying he's a neck beard fanatic.

[–] MrJameGumb@lemmy.world 1 points 2 years ago

Do they even make Szechuan sauce anymore though? Are people on 4Chan just reposting their own stories now or did McDonald's just give him old rancid sauces?

[–] fibojoly@sh.itjust.works 1 points 2 years ago

It's one of the McD standard sauces you can get with chicken nuggets : BBQ, curry or Chinese.

[–] RampantParanoia2365@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I am so lost.

[–] OneWomanCreamTeam@sh.itjust.works 3 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Anon is telling a satirical story about how primal and intimidating they are now that they lift weights.

[–] Blue_Morpho@lemmy.world 1 points 2 years ago

It sounds like a scene from Teen Wolf.

[–] Big_Boss_77@lemmynsfw.com 0 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Is it...actual satire though? Or does homie actually think that way?

[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 4 points 2 years ago

I take it you don’t lift. It can be difficult for the untapped to understand our mindset. Me btw

[–] Sanctus@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Theres only one option now, Anon. Pick that bar back up.

[–] tetris11@lemmy.ml 2 points 2 years ago

And put it down. And then pick it up again.

[–] YungOnions@sh.itjust.works -1 points 2 years ago (2 children)

On today's episode of 'Bullshit that Never happened'

[–] PatMustard@feddit.uk 2 points 2 years ago

Do you go to the fantasy section in the library and shout "fake!" at all the books? It's a greentext, nobody is assuming this story is real, detective!

[–] ThrowawayPermanente@sh.itjust.works -1 points 2 years ago

Louder for the people in the back please. It's important that we raise awareness about 4chan posters' loose relationship with the truth.